WTF Wednesday: Up Yours

Alarm goes off. I smack it and roll out of bed, groggy, foggy, boggy. My sleep has been restless and fitful and not long enough. I stumble through the dark toward my bathroom and a steamy shower (not that that will wake me up). I stand against the wall with my eyes closed as the water heats up; then I stand still longer under the hot spray till my body starts moving. When I finally finish all the lathering and rinsing, I decide to shave my legs. I do want to catch a man one of these days, after all, and how can you do that looking like Graciela the Grizzly? So, nearly awake now, I grab my razor from the top of the stall.

Now I should interrupt myself to tell you that I have the downstairs bathroom and sometimes the nanababies take showers in there instead of their own shower upstairs. And to their little psyches, no shower is truly worth the time and energy without their favorite toys. I don't blame them; I feel the same way. However, a girl's really got to be in the mood for toys, right?

So imagine my surprise when I lazily plop down on the floor of my shower to get comfy while I shave, and out of all the cuddly, squeezy, rubber bath toys, it's the long, narrow, hard, plastic hoof from a Princess Pony that somehow gets rammed right up my -- well, I just don't want to tell you where it got rammed. It hurts to think about it. Suffice to say, this pony's hoof has trotted into a deep, dark arroyo where the sun never, ever shines.

Oh yes, it has. I guess this pony never heard of those famous words to live by: Poker? I hardly know 'er!

So I now have to write the makers of this plastic beast to tell them what a poking hazard it is, and request that parents warn their children against leaving their Little Menacing Bastard Plastic Poker Ponies in the shower where some sleepy, unsuspecting woman who just wants to have silky smooth, touchable legs can take it right up the Uh-Uh! Pony my ass, people!

All right, now you know! There's an Uh-Huh and an Uh-Uh, and only the Uh-Huh accepts visitors!

Oy, Pony's owner and I need to have a chat. Right after my sitz bath.
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