To the woman behind the lost baggage counter, I sniveled, "My bag . . . didn't . . . come through." Whimper, whimper. "I'm sorry. [gasp, blubber] I hate a man right now."
She gave me the solidarity grimace. You know, the one that says, Oh girl, I hear ya. Want me to kick his ass? This is what I love about women when you're feeling vulnerable; they get the entire picture in six words. If her coworker hadn't been there (a guy), we'd have pow-wowed with chocolate, a bottle of wine, and a cheese block we could carve into a voodoo doll. Helpful hint: Frilly foil toothpicks make the occasion more festive.
What, you've never done that?
Dating, you take your chances with complete strangers and, at minimum, hope for chemistry and enough things in common to keep things lively. Let's amp that up with the hope that your date's not that guy with the core belief that all women are sneaky and out to get him, cuz that's the guy who'll plant you in a no-win scenario where he can prove that his core belief is true. That's the guy who'll negate everything fabulous and wonderful and fun he did for you because of a single lame-ass assumption about your character.
And just so you don't feel too in the dark, here's a visual for you about how the weekend went:
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| Click to enlarge. |
And now I choose NEXT!, a nice Malbec, and Bridget Jones. Why BJ? Because when it comes to men, I am Bridget, looking for someone to like me just the way I am and holding out for something extraordinary. Someone extraordinary. Dude, where are you?
I leave you with my fave song from the movie, a sexy number you'll want to listen to while you're doing . . . stuff.
Now where are those toothpicks?
P.S. Yes, y'all. I found my luggage. It got to the office before I did. So weird.
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Oh my GOD! What an advenutre! Your humor carries you through. Thank goodness.
ReplyDeleteHugs and laughs,
Christine
So sorry you crashed and burned there babe...as for where the extra sensitive guys are? I hate to say it but most are either married, gay, or too scarred for life after divorcing the mega beast they married the first time around....
ReplyDeleteBut I say, continue to have hope! He's out there...the problem you will have is believing it when you do find him. Think about it, you will constantly be waiting for the other shoe to drop....
Oh, i'm sorry. While you are whittling your cheese doll you can always entertain yourself with the online version.
ReplyDeleteHey, I just had this talk with my 10 yr old granddaughter....men are pigs. She too wants to be appreciated for the stunning, modest, fabulous, pre pubescent, beauty and best friend type in the 5th grade but ANDREW just keeps telling her lies and then telling her he's sorry when the other boys aren't around (don't wanna tarnish your street cred). Then we had milk, chocolate and if I'd known the deal with the cheese we coulda had a great arts and craft project. Men, boys, males, testosterone impaired folks are pigs. N'cest Pas? The Olde Bagg and counselor to the 10 year olds.
ReplyDeleteSo, did you ever get your luggage?
ReplyDeleteDon't I know it, Sistah! Back in the single mindset once again just ain't easy. (I know...don't say ain't.) If I was there, I would've brought out the wine and enjoyed it with the two of you too.
ReplyDeleteNext time I have a pity party (re: my blog post) you're more than welcome to come. This time, it may even be a virtual one.
Hang in there. I feel your pain.
Okay for some reason blogger isn't wanting to take my comment. DAMMIT.
ReplyDeleteWell, crappola on that one. I hate that it didn't work out better. And that the hoohas aren't around to knock back a bottle of wine and box of chocolates with you. I can do it from afar though!! Let me know....
I've been on both sides of your story so I read it humor, anger, guilt, empathy. And of course, after awhile, probably somewhere around my current advanced years, my main concern becomes -- "Did you ever get your luggage?"
ReplyDeleteBut what was `The Incident`?and at least the sun shone for you!lol
ReplyDeleteMuch better to be a smart,sassy,sexy,independent lady than sell your soul to any old devil.
That really sucks. I was with a guy once and walked out on him in New Orleans. I shouldn't have been so hasty because I left my clothes and airline ticket in the room. That showed him!
ReplyDeleteSorry it didn't work out. I heard Match.com was filled with religious creeps. Just a rumor I heard. LOL What did you do, swear one too many times and he couldn't deal?
ReplyDeleteWhat did he do that made you throw him out? (I know it was him and not you, of course)
ReplyDeleteOh well, this one didn't work. And you are too good to settle anyway. There's more fish in the sea. I too am wondering about the luggage.
ReplyDeletejust point me in the right direction...us men, we need that, though we will never ask for it...and i will take care of him for you...smiles.
ReplyDeleteI've got Malbec, chocolate, cheese, special toothpicks and a wicked right jab. So just let me know.....
ReplyDeleteCan I assume that you also jotted the incident down for later use somewhere?
Thank you for reminding me why I don't date. Been there, done that, have t-shirts in every freakin' color under the sky. So sorry, my friend.
ReplyDeleteAt least you got a great post out of it.
Sorry to hear that, lurve. Its guys like that what make it difficult for guys like me to stand a chance.
ReplyDeleteI recommend a fine aged cheddar for the cheese block. It needs to stand up to vigorous carving :)
I do hope you regained your luggage, and your composure. I'd send you some wine, but don't have enough bandwidth :)
First of all, I can't believe you cried over any dude unless it was REALLY REALLY bad.
ReplyDeleteSecond of all, I can't believe you leave us hanging and wondering what "the incident" was. I'm using my imagination and everything I can come up with would made me take a baseball bat to his knees....but not make me cry. Come on....spill.
"...looking for someone to like me just the way I am and holding out for something extraordinary."
ReplyDeleteI guess this is what we're all hoping for, deep down, even though we don't like to admit it. Terribly hard to find, though. Except in dogs. You can punch a dog and it'll still wag it's tail at you. People are much less loving, but only God knows why.
OH.EM.GEE. That was bad! Men are losers! Even my Hubs is a loser today...
ReplyDeleteI too am wondering what this Neanderthal (he IS a Neanderthal, right?) bozo did to inspire such an excellent blog post. Eff him!
ReplyDeleteNow please answer the question about your luggage. Your devoted readers need to know dammit! I hate cliffhangers.
i gave up on 'extrordinary'. i pass the time with 'really f-ing fun'. life with lowered expectations - and the love of a fine dog - is easier.
ReplyDeletedating is horrifying. i hope you find the right man, and soon. and i hope i do, too!
ReplyDeleteI really hate the fact that I can TOTALLY relate to what you're saying!!!! Hugs to you, my friend. I'd have a glass (or three) of wine with you anytime. ;-)
ReplyDeleteI am really, really envious of your ability to draw a great plane.
ReplyDeleteAnd you are soooo right about this song - tres sexy. I'll be putting Bridget in the DVD to accompany my housecleaning tomorrow morning. :)
You need someone extraordinary who loves you just the way you are because you are fantastical! I can totally tell! Hope you recover quickly from this debacle. Craziness!
ReplyDeleteNot fun eh!......your just finding out the kind of men you don't want in your life......the kind you want in your life front and center will show up soon enough just when you don't expect it........:-)Hugs
ReplyDeleteDoes being suspicious of a specific gender because they have a storied history of listening to talking snakes constitute a core belief?
ReplyDeleteDamn! Well you were too good for him anyway.
ReplyDeleteSo the sh*thead went into histrionics over nothing after you had flown there? Good riddance. But, still ... sorry... it hurts when it hurts.
ReplyDeleteNow, just so you know, Bridget Jones is great therapy for smug marrieds, too. L.o.v.e Bridget!
I love Bridget J.
ReplyDeleteI will beat this man senseless in honor of you. Is that too violent? He doesn't sound sensible, so I probably wouldn't have to lay too much smack down on him.
Chins up and keep the eyebrow spackle handy, GF. I haven't dated since the Johnson administration but I feel your pain. The last time I burst into tears in front of a complete stranger had something to do with trying to get my internet to work. Also the time before that and the time before that.
ReplyDeleteWell It is his loss, from what I can tell you are awesome, it is unsettling for sure when what you expected does not pan out. take care.
ReplyDeleteWell that sucks and I will have a glass or two with you.
ReplyDeleteGlad at least your luggage came through.
How about a Mr. Ordinary who treats you like a Queen? That is what I have and I am content!!
Hugging you
SueAnn
Try going the lesbian approach. It's all the rage these days.
ReplyDeleteDamn! I was so hoping it would be a wild romance! Oh well! You're obviously too smart and beautiful for him!
ReplyDeleteThe guy who thinks there's just something wrong with women in general? Had him.
ReplyDeleteYears later he got cancer in his left ear. I broke it down via my health guru Louise Hay:
Cancer: long held resentment
Left side of body: represents women
Ear: represents anger
He hated women and resented the fact that they got a "free ride" via men's paycheck. (WTF?)
He also follows Louise Hay and when I sent him the list? He wrote back a cursory "Um, forgot about all that."
Love the pic. It speaks volumes. I am so sorry. Where is that Colin Firth when he is needed? COLIN!!! We've got a worthy woman here waiting.
ReplyDeleteAr least you could have hit him in the shins with the bag if you'd found it. That would have been rather satisfying.
ReplyDeleteYou have to take a chance getting to know someone. You thought he was special and he turned out to be awful. I am so sorry you were hurt. Shoot, I love my hubby and sometimes I still get hurt. At least you didn't marry him. Or kill him.
ReplyDeleteNah, not awful by any stretch, peeps. Just a misunderstanding that I could not fix.
ReplyDeleteOh hon, only you can turn a howling disaster into hysterically funny. For the record, sounds to me the prick was batting waaaay, waaay out of his league, anyway.
ReplyDelete(((hugs)))
Every time I come here, I'm left with regret: having spent a year in Hernando, driving through Ocala only to visit the stores there, I wish I'd known you were "right around the corner".
ReplyDeleteAnd, p.s. I'm heartbroken. The home I desperately wanted in Hernando...the one I paused to purchase...is gone and I'm in Indiana to face the life I tried to escape.
Here's what I came away with: a renewed appreciation for waterproof mascara and a deep crevice between my eyebrows. Like I need another reason for that.
ReplyDeleteLove this.
Look for the guy wearing the Christmas sweater!
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, we women are all about hating men when one of us has been scorned! Hallelujiah!
Some people want steak and end up settling for hamburger. You are just the kind of person who wants the steak and will have no less. You may be hungrier than the person who settled for the burger, but in the end, you will get your ribeye!
ReplyDeleteUg. Thank goodness for the un spoken bond between women. Sorry you had to suffer through a Bridget Jones type adventure...but at least you got your bags back. No man is worst lost luggage.
ReplyDeleteOuch. Sorry it went down in flames. You know we are behind you in this!
ReplyDeleteOne of my friends just went to Spain with a new man. Got there and found out the hotel reservations were cancelled because he'd been fired and they had been booked thru his company for a work trip. He had lied to her and not told her he was fired. It turned into the biggest man/vacation nightmare imaginable. Ugh!
ReplyDeleteDoes reading that make you feel better?
you know I've been there. Hell, I am there. I'm so sorry you're having such a tough time. xoxo
ReplyDeleteThat sucks. I know too many guys like that and, from them, I also know that a real gentleman would have filled up your house with flowers by now.
ReplyDeleteI love this post! I have two 12ft Tribal African Spears.... point me in his direction!
ReplyDeleteI yiyi. I am so sorry. Crash and burn is not fun but it's good to see you sense of humor is still in tact.
ReplyDeleteHang in there. jj
Sorry to hear about that turd.
ReplyDeleteOh, and that is my fave song of all time. Saw Shelby Lynne perform it a couple of times.
The BJ cd is achingly wonderful.
On to the next one!
ReplyDeleteOh goodness gracious...lol...thank god you have such a sense of humor to get through these things...I am glad that you set your standards so high...sadly in order to find the good one's you have to weed through all the "other" ones.
ReplyDeleteI remember when I was single I was saying to my friend and her friend who I had just met, "There are no good single guys...all the good one's are either gay or married." To which this gal I had just met said, "Or both" Come to find out that her husband of 20 years came out of the closet and left her for this man. We had a good laugh but all agreed on what we knew all along...boys are stupid. LOL
Hope your Monday is marvelous!
Okay, so...I'm not sure about the history here and I know I'm supposed to say "I'm sorry" and some other supportive crap, but really I only have two things to say to you.
ReplyDelete1. Brilliant writing. You're nearly as clever as I am and that's saying something.
2. I prefer to look at every "failed attempt" at finding love more as another "sexual weapon" to add to my armory. I figure I learn something new every time (this is shocking at my stage), and it's only making me more fabulous for the next conquest-err...boyfriend.
(okay, I don't have those, but you get my meaning.)
Hrm. I think maybe I would up supportive after all?
Shit.
- B x
Patience. Not all men are "men". LOL There are some nice guys out there.
ReplyDelete