Oh yeah, they are landing at my feet, walking up my legs, tickling my neck and ears. There is no way to avoid them—believe me, I've tried. All I have to do is walk outside and they're all over me, like Sarah Palin at an "Obama is a Socialist Muslim Illegal Immigrant" rally.
I know! Right? He's totally not a socialist.
So yeah, Florida is full of fuckbuddies. They cruise around until they spy somebody unattached and then hook up and drag each other around in active coitus, like they were born to do just this one thing forever. For god's sake, get a room, fuckbuddies! It's not like there aren't a gazillion bushes you could sneak behind for a little privacy. I see you coming and I recoil in disgust. "My eyes! My eyes!"
I give you an inside look at this immodest Central Florida couple I encountered recently outside my house, Fanny and Fred. The bigass one is, of course, the female. Nature is cruel.So lusty clutchers, I beg you! When you're done doing that . . . thing you're doing . . . STOP! Honestly, you're so needy and clingy and—I'm going out on a limb here—co-dependent. It's pathetic. Words of advice: relax and let go!
What. You thought I was talking about dating? Not even!
Although . . .
Nah.
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I figure there must be some people in Florida that fall into this category also. LOL
ReplyDeleteSnort.. too funny.
ReplyDeleteEw! What ARE those?
ReplyDeleteHa! Nature is cruel. Did I see one of those bugs holding a cigarette?
ReplyDeleteWe always thought they were "Love Bugs". That's what my polite in-laws always called them, anyway. i enjoyed seeing them hit the windshield of the car... even that didn't seem to interfere with their fucking, though.
ReplyDeleteLOL! FB means something entirely different in this neck of the woods!
ReplyDeleteYou are too funny! lol
ReplyDeleteAnd here I thought I was going to hear about your latest escapades...
ReplyDeleteThose creatures seriously need to go hear a Bristol Palin lecture on abstinence. I think she starts out saying, "I used to be a fuckbuddy, but now..."
Yeah, well...look what the state of Florida is shaped like. All danglin' out there like that. Bugs can't help it :)
ReplyDeleteI was going to save this until morning, but when I saw your first sentence in my Google Reader, I had to come to your site. This reminds me of those late night drives along the Gulf Coast during fuck-buddy season. I knew which truck stops had huge drums of soapy water and long-handled brushes to clean the windshield about every two hours. Brings back memories, Babe.
ReplyDeleteBud of the Baskervilles
I thought that was mostly a springtime activity.
ReplyDeleteOh, that's right. You're talking about Florida.
It's pretty sad when I'm envying the love life of a bug.
ReplyDelete'nuff said.
I saw these same bugs doing the same thing in Georgia last week...I was facinated. I could tell which one was the because he just roled over and went to sleep.
ReplyDeleteWell, I always thought they were called Love Bugs. But, I like your name better.
ReplyDeleteLucky little fuckers, aren't they?
LOL You crack me up! Thank you!
ReplyDeleteYou had me going with this one!! Ha!! The nerve of them...out in public like that!!
ReplyDeleteHugs
SueAnn
You have so many new pets in Florida, and how the heck do you know the bigass one is the female? Dang.
ReplyDeleteI'm still laughing at Rene's comment about the shape of Florida!
ReplyDeleteNo use denying it, you're just jealous.
ReplyDelete- Jazz
What are those things? I like what you call them, but what is their real name? Will you mail me some?
ReplyDeletehehe...dont miss those from FL...at all...
ReplyDeleteIf I come back as a bug, I hope it's that one.
ReplyDeleteThat baby got back.
ReplyDeleteHey, whats the Latin genus and species of them there fuckbuddies, Ms. Entomologist, you?
When I was a kid we called them lovebugs, which is a wee bit more discreet.
ReplyDeleteYou are too much fun.
ReplyDeleteHere it's the Japanese beetles. At least they are a little prettier (shinier) to watch . . .
ReplyDeleteDarn it! Knew there was a reason I should have become an entomologist, instead of a chemist.
ReplyDeleteSomehow I knew you weren't talking about people. Yeah, these things have no morals, do they? LOL
ReplyDeleteI am so over them! :(
ReplyDeleteAnd here I was thinking they were native to Australia
ReplyDeleteCoffee spewingly hilarious. I'm a new fan!
ReplyDeleteMan alive...that must be some hot sex if they're willing to die for it!
ReplyDeleteD