Sadly, I Am Frigid

In case you've been asleep at the wheel, brrrrr, it's freakin' frigid outside! I don't know how I'm supposed to get my happy ass to the gym in this weather. That would require me to get out of the clothes I'm wearing and expose my skin to the cold, just to get into different clothes that aren't designed to keep me warm at all. No sir! They're made for cooling me down, and that just goes against my beliefs about gluteal warming.

WTF? you are probably saying. As often as Fragrant Liar professes to enjoy running around naked, she should be reveling in the constant headlight action! But you would be wrong in that supposition. Remember what assUme really means, people.

Actually, I only get enraptured by going commando when it's quite warm. Not hot, mind you. I can explode mercury out of a little glass tube all on my own, with no help from the weather. No, I mean warm as in 85 degrees, warm as in where's the beach, warm as in oops, time to shave that stairway to heaven I call my thighs. I can smile just thinking about basking in spring sunshine.

My skin prefers cocooning during the winter. It rejects this unprovoked transition from bundled and toasty to naked and frosty, and shrivels at the thought. It fights me to stay covered up. So you see, being the largest and bossiest organ of my body, my skin can wage this little coup against the elements and prevent me from working out this week. And probably this weekend, if the weather peeps get something right. I'll suffer through it though, and just go to a party. But you can bet I'll be layering up tits to toes. Cuz, brrrr, it's freakin' frigid outside!

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