Yeah, well, I'm known for being slow off the line. Plus it takes time to get the chitlins raised. They have finally quit rolling their eyes when I open my mouth, popping the bird finger at every photo op, and backtalking whenever I voice dissent about something dumb they're planning to do. But enough about my exes. The kids are fine, and I am free at last!
In fact, all four daughters are grown and paired off with males only now discovering what they got themselves into. The torch has been passed, times four. They all have rugrats of their own and Mom's assistance isn't needed anymore. No checking in for dinner, no taking the beauty babies to school, and no competition for front spot in the driveway. I'm calling my new adventure the Empty Next Syndrome because I imagine all the new experiences that await me. And I hear this:
All by myself,While I'd love to be in a long-term relationship that accompanies me on the countdown to my last gasp, just past Centenarian Time, I'm looking forward to living alone. I'm also looking forward to things that only a person who's lived decades with children can appreciate. Like:
Can't wait to be
All by myself
Furthermore.
When I was young,
I only needed number one,
And there was freedom in the sack,
Those days are back.
- Walking around—or in my case, dancing—completely naked and without fear that another human may recoil and shriek, "My eyes!"
- Playing Journey, Daughtry, and Bridget Jones soundtracks loudly, over and over, until I finally learn all the lyrics for a Pink-like performance above a wildly entertained audience—the cats do enjoy their front-row seats.
- Having only low-carb foods in the kitchen. Of course, this means I'll have no one to blame for my crackies addiction, but I'm instituting a 12-step program, one step at a time from my grocery bag to the garbage disposal. Probably.
- Having no witnesses. If nobody sees me scarf a dozen frisbee-sized, fresh-outta-the-oven peanut butter crackies, did it really happen? I don't think so. My secret is safe with me.
- The garage. It's my dream to park in one, versus veering through it on foot, past the pool table, darts station, bikes, and smelly asstrays. Wait, did I say ass? I totally meant ash. Musta been a Freudian snit.
- Working out in the middle of my living room without the derisive snickering that accompanies my son-in-law whenever he catches me doing anything jumpy or crunchy.
- The remote. Booyah! No more Fantasy Football hysteria and game-channel flipping. Screw the disgusting "C" words tossed around our house so reverently: Chargers and Cowboys.
- Quiet. Sshh. Did you hear that? Neither did I. Sweet!
As an Empty Nexter, I'll have ultimate power over everything in my little kingdom. I'll probably even finish my novels, since I'll have no distractions. I'll be able to have a man over without explaining that kissing doesn't equal marriage. And no one will walk in on me while I shower, just to shoot the shit and ask me about my bits.
So why do I feel like I'm going to be missing out on a whole lotta stuff?
.
Sounds like you have a lot of fun ahead of you.
ReplyDeleteLove the running naked one!!
YOU GO GIRL!!!
Hallie :)
The no witnesses is definitely a plus.
ReplyDeletelove this post. You are closing one chapter and opening a brand new... self-written chapter.
ReplyDeleteYou'll be fine. Perhaps you will finish your novels... one day.
I look forward to reading of your Empty-Nexter life!
~AM
I love alone time. Looooove it. My youngest is just starting high school though so I still have awhile until I'm an empty nexter. Plus those college kids keep coming back a few months of each year. Someday, however, I'll walk naked thru my own house again!
ReplyDeleteYou make me smile, nay dare I say guffaw. Hurray for you. I shall look forward to more installments of you empty nexting. Congrats. And there isn't any way you would miss out on anything....not now. You know the old saying you can't keep them down on the farm after they have the ability to saddle up the horse. YeeeeeeeHaw
ReplyDeleteI adore my children and there children, but I couldnt' wait for the chickees to fly and begin "ME". I love having time to do what I want to do and not having to account for anyone else. I'm busier now that I ever was and loving every minute of it. You will too. Luxeriate in this time thta is you. Sea Witch
ReplyDeleteBut, but, but...who are you gonna blame when you need someone to blame?
ReplyDeleteSounds like you are looking at it all the right way! Enjoy:)
ReplyDelete"Empty Nexter" is GENIUS.
ReplyDeleteCongrats and enjoy!
XO
Anna
Also - I can't find you on SheWrites! Can you look for me under my name (duh) and we can be SheWrite friends?
ReplyDelete'Cuz that'd be cool.
XO
No more Fantasy Football hysteria? Your life will be SOOOO boring with out that. Face it.
ReplyDeleteA blessing and a curse. You can always go visit them you're out of songs to sing into your hairbrush, right?
ReplyDeleteWOW - I can't believe it!! The very first time in your life, huh? Super exciting, missy.
ReplyDeleteIt will be an exciting time for you.
ReplyDeleteHave fun dancing naked.... :-)
I envy you, I do.
ReplyDeletei'm new to your blog and i love it!! i knew i was reading a smart ass even bigger than myself when i started reading and it was immediately love! AND i love our texas hill country, too. just an added bonus.
ReplyDeletei would run around naked all day everyday for sure.
Your post made me laugh, My son of 15 says he's never leaving home hopefully he will change his mind and I will be able to do the housework naked again :-)
ReplyDeleteI walk around naked no matter what. Who cares who's looking
ReplyDeleteI find it quite lovely not having anyone around the house but Hubby and I, and he works all day so the house is mine... ALL MINE! I love it!!
ReplyDeleteEnjoy it while you can! Chances are some where down the road some hunk will sweep you off your feet and you'll be back to haring your space. I'm just sayin'
ReplyDeleteYeah, what Eva said!
ReplyDeleteOh goodness ....it will be a new adventure for you ...I haven't done it yet!!!!! I've never lived by myself ...my youngest ..almost 20 doesn't look to be leaving yet.
ReplyDeleteIsn't that funny about the low carb thing? You can't do it when you live with others. They wanna be eating carbs all the time. Plus, if you want you can buy screw drivers with floral or pink handles! And decorate everything girly. And yoga in the living room when ever you want? -Wait, are we talking about your wants or mine? Either way, good luck and enjoy!
ReplyDeleteAnd here I was all worried about the idea..why 6 more years and I will be posting my own ode to the empty nest!
ReplyDeletecongrats on getting to that point...all that hard work...now enjoy the fruits of that labor! smiles.
ReplyDeleteI am saving this blog post for the day my son goes off to college in September. Even though he's 19 and doing his first year of community college while living at home, I know my days are numbered until I have to cut the umbilical cord and let him fly.
ReplyDeleteI'll be coming to your place to drink heavily.
What? Garages are for parking cars in???!!! Blimey! :D
ReplyDeleteCongratulations!
i'm a happy 'nexter', flying solo and enjoying it tremendously... mine keep bouncing back home for brief / extended stays, but eventually i'm gonna change the locks. the 'sock on the doorknob' thing is annoying at my age. and yes, on my damn door.
ReplyDeleteBless your little heart.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on your new empty nest. Enjoy! Do all that nekkid dancing and exercising and peanut crackie eating and if you get lonely, call me and I'll bring the wine.
I do so love me some wine.
That sounds priceless. You won't miss out!
ReplyDeleteGo on Girl, with your Nexter. You said it! This is YOUR time and you are going to love what lies ahead for you. You are in driver's seat and you can drive exactly the way you want (within reason of course). I'm proud of you for not being down in the dumps but ecstatic!
ReplyDeleteSounds fun, right up to the bit where you might feel a little lonely. But then, you'll always have us (if that doesn't sound too stalkerish).
ReplyDeleteMixed feelings, huh. Change the locks!
ReplyDeleteThe remote! You control the remote! Awesome.
ReplyDeleteWhat secret?(grin)
ReplyDeleteEnjoy...especially the quiet...oh, and the naked thing, too. Pesky clothes...
It will be a lot different, but you might have some good looking male company a lot sooner then you expect, once the word gets out!
ReplyDeleteSecretia
I'm there baby! And you may miss out on some kiddo stuff but there is a whole lot more very cool stuff to take it's place.
ReplyDeleteThe whole naked thing is worth whatever you might be missing. Oh and the loud music and dancing. converting the old bedrooms was good too.
Can I come over there? My chitlins and hubby are about to drive me nuts.
ReplyDeleteI'll be in the garage. Ready to read your next chapter.
:)
I'm totally going to come stay with you.
ReplyDeleteUnless you are offing all your offspring and their offspring, I'm guessing that's just a pipe dream because you DO know they still like to come back and visit....and spend the night.....and they still expect snacks and they want to pirate the remote....and ...and.....well....good luck girlie. Let me know how that feels because I don't think I'll ever be childless until it won't matter anyway.
ReplyDeleteLmao!! My in laws have been staying with us for 3 months now, they're leaving in 12 days (YES! I'm counting!!) and I can't wait to have my house back! Best of luck!
ReplyDeleteI know everyone will try to convince me otherwise...but I DREAM of that day. I think you will enjoy some of the relaxation. Don't tr to fix the "empty nest" issue by bringing a man in the house.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy the freedom! OMGosh, just the thought of having somebody here 24/7 throws me into fits! I love my alone time and hate feeling imposed upon, even by family! nothing wrong with eating more than one snack pack nakey! LOL
ReplyDeletethat is fabulous!
ReplyDeleteI'm there already !
ReplyDeleteWell, mostly. My son does stay here part time.
Sleeping nekkid is the most liberating thing one can do. I highly recommend it.
Sometimes the silence goes on around here for days and days. I love it.
ReplyDelete;^) ;^) ;^)
I do occasionally miss the day to day little stuff of having someone else in the house, but nahhhh, not really. ;^) If I do, I just get in the car and go visit.
;^)
A rediscovery. I'm thinking you'll get along with yourself very well.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on your new-found freedom, FL. Enjoy it while it lasts! Eat crackies while dancing naked in your living room to 80s music and singing (but don't choke on your crackies!).
ReplyDeleteEnjoy every moment, you've earned it dear heart!
ReplyDeleteNope, peanut butter crackie consumption doesn't happen if it's unwitnessed. Same goes for chocolate chip crackies here in the middle, mmm-k?
ReplyDeleteYou've hit on all of the wonderful things about living with oneself ('living alone' sounds negative somehow), especially the quiet and the walking around naked. :D I'm at the point where I look forward to sharing my space with my partner...but I know there will be some serious adjustment time!
I think I'm jealous.
ReplyDeleteHappy Nexting!
Sounds dreamy. Can't wait to hear it all piece by piece.
ReplyDeleteso jealous i could cry
ReplyDeleteYou have all that space to yourself?
ReplyDeleteI'm crying in my morning beer with envy.
These people won't leave me alone.
Talking to a 'friend the other day, she's airy at best. she said she's taking an on-line course on how to keep a man.
I said it just begged the question: How do you get rid of the ones you've got?
I see, it just takes time. Thank you for the little glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel : )
Sounds like fun to me! I have NEVER lived alone! Went straight from home to marriage to kids. Even when I divorced I had two kids. Then remarried. Kids are gone so it's just the two of us.
ReplyDeleteKeeping the heat set at what YOU want is another plus!
You won't be missing a thing. You've been there/done that and now, while you're young and healthy enough to enjoy it, it gets to be all about you! Celebrate!
ReplyDeleteCongratulations!
You're going to love it. And the best thing is that you can still go over and hang out when you feel like you're missing something and they'll treat you like the rock star that you are. That's how I see it in my dreams anyway.
ReplyDeleteHoney, welcome back to the land of the living! (your post just reminded me of why I'm glad I didn't have husbands or kids)
ReplyDeleteFreedom. It's the most remarkable feeling in the world. You're the boss of you!
There is absolutely nothing better than living alone... I don't but I know ;0)
ReplyDeletehave great fun and tell us all about it!
Oh you lucky one, I cant wait till I have a Nexter life again =)
ReplyDeleteoh i say relish it. my turn is coming i am told and i may join you on the crazy naked dancing in the living room. enjoy, enjoy, enjoy.
ReplyDeleteand thanks for stopping by my place. :)
I'm right behind you on that path and I can't wait!!!!!
ReplyDeleteAn empty nest takes some getting used to, that's for sure. But eventually all those things you mentioned are wonderful. Life can change in really fabulous ways. Just prepare for the quiet. Drag out all those old albums (yes, I know - cd's!), everyone rolled their eyes every time you played. I always like just having an artichoke for dinner - just like I did when I was young and single - and broke.
ReplyDeleteMy youngest is coming home for the weekend - ahhh noise again! :-)
Most shocking to me when my nest was empty: How much I talked to myself. Walking around muttering while someone's in the room at least feels like talking. Yammering to the furniture is different altogether. I had to get some fish.
ReplyDelete:-) Good luck!
Well, I'm kinda bummed out now. Do you think it is probably harder having the kids leave the nest than having a man-less nest?
ReplyDeleteNow get to work on that novel and naked dancing to 80's tunes. Love your attitude :-)
i am an empty nexter....and i think i like it...i am not sure...i am so busy running around making sure the kids have everything they need...funny how that happens...
ReplyDeleteHonestly, you don't look old enough to be an empty nexter! My two are still at home at 23 and 25, I'm a single too so quite enjoy the company but not so much the mess and expense! Whilst I love having them here and they're my best friends in the world, it really is high time they went! Then I'm kinda on my own during the weekend so . .not quite naked dancing does sometimes take place.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations!!!! Enjoy!
ReplyDeleteIt's gonna be ok. Trust me. You won't miss out on a thing. And you're gonna appreciate being able to waltz around the house nekkid when you find yourself inexplicably warm more times than you care to be (you know, the midlife syndromes).
ReplyDeleteI have marveled aloud to myself, how in the world would I ever have managed to dry my hair if there were kids running around here... because I overheat when I dry my hair, hence no clothes until after the hair is dry!
I know. Entirely TMI.
But I'm looking forward to reading about your Empty Nexter adventures!!
I was so close (oldest is 24) to being where you are and low and behold fell in love again, had two more kids, fell out of love and now they're 8 and 10. So I have a ways to go...
ReplyDelete*sigh* ...you will love this nexting and the possibilities are endless.
Thanks for your recent visit and comment~ Hope to see you again.
Calli
It's an amazing thought, I have never lived by myself! I want a house with a casita so when my last 2 leave for college I can go out there to escape my husband.
ReplyDelete