I know it's hard to believe, and I hate to disappoint y'all, but the rumors are true. I'm not as smart as I seem. I hope you didn't just go into a tailspin on that illumination—like all my children—but the fact is smarty pants is the term that more accurately describes my I.Q. Mizz Smarty Pants if, as Miss Jackson says, you're nasty. I'm sure you're asking right now: What sort of shenanigan is Fragrant Liar trying to pull? Everyone knows what a fountain of wisdom she is. Right?
It's just that I wonder when I will know everything there is to know so I can stop stumbling into walls, spinning around, and bouncing off the same walls again. If there's a date certain for this event, I'll ink it on my calendar and just keep hitting the snooze button till the day arrives. That way I can quit wearing the neon sign around my neck that reads, "I meant to do that."See, if I knew everything, I could talk myself out of stuff and, therefore, never have to apologize. More importantly, people (you know who you are) would be compelled to speak these words to my face: "Yes, I was wrong and you were right." I'm giddy just thinking about that.
Lately I've considered that the roominess inside my noggin is akin to a three-car garage with a pink Barbie convertible in it, and nothing else. Of course, this makes my point that I'm absolutely NOT full of it. Cuz if my brain was truly chock full of wisdom and knowledge, I'd be my own personal Wiki. And I'm not—yet.
I confess. I rely on Wikis to fill in the gaps—pretty much a whole garage full of 'em. I'm talking about Wikipedia, Wiki.answers, Wikimedia, Wikibooks, Wiktionary, etc. Did you know you can create your own Wiki? Oh yeah! I could totally make my own Wiki. In fact, I aspire to it! I'd call it Wikishit. Or better yet, Fragrant-Wikishit. Imagine all the stuff I could put in there with the input of the masses. That's you, peeps. You are the masses and, together, we could feed the world our collective Fragrant-Wikishit. Images included.People, now under construction: http://fragrant-wikishit.wikispaces.com/
Seriously. Check it out. www.wikispaces.com.
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Love it. Can I be an editor?
ReplyDeleteThat is so cool! I must have one...
ReplyDeleteI want my own! I'd call it Wiki-Snark!
ReplyDeletei may have to create a WikiTrailerPark. but that would be, like, work. and i'm not about work at the moment...
ReplyDeleteOMG i had no idea you can create your own.. see... i just wiki and run... but never wiki and tell but would consider a one night wiki with the right guy!!! LOL.
ReplyDeletehow 'bout wiki-wtf?
Dang. If I knew everything I would have thought of that.
ReplyDeleteNot as smart as you seem? I am fighting with every ounce of power I can muster of not pulling out some kind of Jennifer Aniston comment here...but I know this is not my turf.
ReplyDeleteLeave it to you to start something new. Now there is going to be Wiki-Whine, Wiki-Wang, Wiki-Wuss, Wiki-Wabbit, Wiki-Wacky and on and on.
ReplyDeleteI want one and I shall call it Old Bagg wikishit. You are as usual not too much but just enough.
ReplyDeleteGlad you like the chile/peach combo....come on over girl, I'll fix ya right up.
The Olde Bagg
I'm looking forward to Wiki-shit. Make sure you include a page about why I feel like I'm moving backward at a stoplight when the bus next to me moves forward while I'm still. If I'm standing on the sidewalk, it makes me fall down. Why? Oh, why?
ReplyDeleteThe Fred Effect
we are the wiki~masses!
ReplyDeletetootles,
bunny
To paraphrase a wise Zen master, "If the mind is always full, it will never be able to receive anything new."
ReplyDeleteMay you always have room in your garage, sensei. (bowing)
I love it. I'm not that smart either. Thank God for google.
ReplyDeleteI am the google and wiki queen!!
ReplyDeleteWas that also an Urkel reference in this post? Niice. aha
sorry to tell you, you are brilliant.
ReplyDeleteIt's an Udderly delicious idea, Liar!
ReplyDelete"I'd call it Wikishit"
ReplyDeleteNow that's funny.
I love it! Think I'll get Wiki-Wacki.
ReplyDeleteHa! I too love this!! All this Wiki stuff has my head spinning! Wikishit is a good one though. Perfect!!
ReplyDeleteHugs
SueAnn
Fantastic idea... can't wait to see what you do with it because I know it'll be unique and funny.
ReplyDeleteDid you hear that Webster's (as in the dictionary) announced they're not printing any more hard copies until there is a demand for them... that's smart.
Fragrant Wikishit. You are truly inspiring, ma'am. One of my favourite wikis is Wookiepedia which is all things Star Wars.
ReplyDeleteThere is a huge gaping hole in the market for Fragrant-Wiki-Shit. Can I be your agent?
ReplyDeleteI just found out through Wiki that chickens do not have vaginas or penises. Now how's that for some blockbuster info! All this time when I would clean and cook a whole bird I worried about genital mutilation. Needless worry. Thank God for Wiki!
ReplyDeleteLinda, and male lobsters have two. Which is either a good thing or not depending.
ReplyDeleteAh I digress ... Fragrant, please, pretty please let me be a guest contributor to your wiki. We are of like minds, soul sistah. My orange plastic Barbie roadster circa 1966 has been parked in the attic of my mind since ... well 1966.
Cheers!
Wiki WOW! Oh the things you can do!
ReplyDeletePS. How is Miss America? I miss her. :-)
Is there an aerosol can variety on the market yet ??? Can see it in supermarkets everywhere... "Fragrant Wikishit Room De-Freshener", and people will say... now that is some wicked shit, man...
ReplyDeleteAnd then some joker will come up with another aerosol product for novelty shops : Wiki-shit Repellent
And what about Wiki-wocky, as in, Jabberwocky ??? Beware the Wiki-shit, my son...
Can't wait to see the rest. There may be more inside your skull than we previously imagined...
:-)
You and your pink convertible have totally created the newest Barbie: WikieSkipper, she who shoves her glasses on top of her perfectly-coiffed updo while looking vaguely cross eyed.
ReplyDeleteOh, you just made me laugh so hard...I am considering this my ab workout for the WEEK. :)
ReplyDeleteoh this wiki thing might just take off. take off what I don't know but I'll go check it out.
ReplyDeleteWhen you do finally know all there is to know, would you please tell me. I'm willing to pay.
ReplyDeleteWiki wiki!
ReplyDeleteum, you are too much!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteYou crack me up! Thank you! :)
ReplyDeleteI'm very grateful that you're taking this on. I just watched Jersey Shore for the first time and am officially stupider. A post-Jersey Shore wiki could be helpful in times like this.
ReplyDeleteI like the idea of wikishit because it captures the mostly-but-not-necessarily-entirely-true nature of wikipedia and its kin.
ReplyDeleteI want my own. But then everyone would know how little I knew. And then I'd be stuffed.
ReplyDeleteI do love my Wikipedia. So this only makes sense!
ReplyDeletei definitely am a fan of all the wikis around…on my iPhone i have a wiki-how and it tells me how to escape a car trunk or stop a car with no brakes…and if i'm ever on the highway and realize my brakes are not working, i only have to be fast enough to find the wiki-how…smiles
ReplyDeletegreat idea with the wiki-shit...
Yes, it was high time for a wikishit. My fellow university students and I will consult it often as it will mesh nicely with the shit were being taught!
ReplyDeleteGood thing the wiki is in the middle. I think otherwise, fragrant shit is already taken ;-)
ReplyDeleteI refuse to believe it, Fragrant, and you remain my shout-out option on any number of game shows.
ReplyDeletePearl
You are my hero - Wikishit! LOL!
ReplyDeleteOnly the smart ones come up with such funny Wiki crap.
ReplyDeleteLook it up. You'll see (-: