Wee Wisdom #12

Miss America's Poignant Pearl of the Week

Says 7-year-old Miss America, upon visiting her first Japanese steakhouse, where the chef/cook performed amazing aerial tricks with the food he prepped in front of her:

"Wow, Mom! I didn't know eggs could do stunts!"

_________________

I'm all torn up about what's going on in Japan. I send my best, warmest wishes across the Pacific.

And many thanks to Hilary of the Smitten Image for bequeathing Miss America and I this Post of the Week award for our Wee Wisdom! We appreciate it!
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Wee Wisdom #11

This post was chosen by Hilary over at The Smitten Image as "A Good Laugh" Post of the Week.

Thanks Hilary!

Poignant Pearls of the Week

First up, from Miss America, age 6:

"I want to be a vegetarian when I grow up, so I can help animals."






Next up, my sweet boy Destructo, age 4:

"Nah, you got big knockers?"

I reply, "Uh . . . uh . . . Yes?"

Destructo smiles. "I got big knockers too."

[crickets]

The boy grins and runs off.

What the . . . some man put him up to that. Unless . . .

A short while later, it all becomes clear:



Destructo:  Look, Nah. I got big knockers!

Me:  Ooooooohhhhhhh!
My, you DO have some
big knockers.

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Wee Wisdom #10

Miss America's
Poignant Pearl of the Week

Today, six-year-old Miss America watched Little Shop of Horrors.

Upon hearing Audrey sing "Suddenly Seymour," Miss America said, "Mommy, Audrey has such big boobs, she must have a really big heart."


True that, my girl. Nothin' but love in there.

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Wee Wisdom #9

Miss America's

Poignant Pearl of the Week

On discussing the movie she and I saw together today:

"Dragons aren't scary. You just have to entertame them."

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Wee Wisdom #8

Miss America's Poignant Pearl of the Week

On discussing where she and her family will be moving after school is out in May:

Miss America: "I don't want to move where any black weirdos are."

TG is appalled and quickly admonishes her. "We don't talk like that around here."

Miss America: "But, Mommy, I don't like black weirdos. I like it here."

TG continues to explain passionately about insensitivity and bias. Racial equality is something our family believes in steadfastly, and we tolerate nothing less in our house.

Miss America is distraught now. She tears up and says, "But, Mommy, they might crawl on me and bite me."

Sometimes you just need a translator.

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Wherein I Am Dissed Bigtime

Must I be expected to remember everything that happens to me? People, if I can't rely on my children to fill in the blanks when I occasionally forget the minutia of an event, who can I rely on?

The following is an email I received from my daughter, TG, in response to my extraordinarily reasonable request for a memory filler so I could make a Wee Wisdom post about Miss America's reaction to seeing me greet my date at the front door. Certainly, when you've read it, you'll understand why I am utterly appalled!

TG: "Geez, Mom, this is your story. You're killin' me here. (I might have already been told this story a coupla times.) It went like this:

• Miss America ran up to say hello.
• You gave your date a hug and kiss.
• Miss America hung back to wait until y'all were done.
• She said hello.
• She came to me and said y'all were kissin'.
• I asked, if she asked, if y'all were gonna get married, cuz that is the rule. You kiss a boy, you marry that boy.
• She said, 'No, I didn't want to interrupt their lovin'.'
• We all laugh.
• Mom writes a ridiculously over-complicated version of the story for her blog."

Ridiculous? Over-complicated? Hmph! People, my daughter doesn't know me AT ALL!

Next time, TG, see if I fix your punctuation!

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Wee Wisdom #6

Miss America’s Poignant Pearl of the Week:

"You know, if you believe in yourself, that’s true."

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Wee Wisdom #5

Can you say ATTITUDE?

Left to right:
Baby Bandit, Sparkplug, Miss America, the Pistol, and Destructo.

Like Miss America, my Florida nephew, the Sparkplug, just started Kindergarten. That leaves his little brothers Baby Bandit and the Pistol at home without him during the day for the first time ever in their miniscule history. This new reality came as a shock to the 4-year-old Pistol, middle child and suddenly top dog over his very mischievous 3-year-old brother. Only a few hours into his reign, the Pistol was beside himself. He whined plaintively: "I'm stressing out! I miss Sparkplug, and I just can't deal with Bandit by myself."


This is Miss America the morning of her first day at Kindergarten. I blinked back tears as I snapped this shot. Her mother could cry just thinking about it, so it was up to Miss America's father to ferry her to class.

Miss America's Poignant Pearl of the Week:

On looking into the mirror at herself while trying on some new jeans for school:

"I have a glorious butt."

My, my. Where does she get it?

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Wee Wisdom #4

Miss America's Poignant Pearl of the Week:

"Everyone likes me.
Except for anyone who doesn't."

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Wee Wisdom #3

Miss America's Poignant Pearl of the Week:

On starting Kindergarten:
"I don't really wanna go to school, Nana.

Cuz there's reading and numbers and a lot of be quiet going on."

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Wee Wisdom #2

Miss America's Poignant Pearl of the Week:

"My brain always makes fun of me."
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Wee Wisdom #1

Miss America's Poignant Pearl of the Week

Five-year-old Miss America, in her jammies: "You should be nice to me."

Me, dragging my butt in around 8:00 pm after a very long, emotionally draining day: "Oh yeah? Why's that?"

Miss America props her butt up onto my bed and points to her nose. "Cuz I got a bloody nose."

I immediately stop brooding and check her, but see no sign of the red stuff. "What happened?"

She glances at the ceiling and then the window and then back at me with her face scrunched up like a hand puppet. "Well, I acceedently had my finger in my nose, and, and den I poked it and sorta scratched it, and den it camed out all bleeding."

"So why did you have your finger in your nose?"

Miss America hesitates, perhaps remembering admonishments to keep her hands out of her messy breathing apparatus. "Um, well, I was on da floor, and um, um, ts, um, my legs was in de air and um, um . . ."

I picture this. "And somehow your finger got up your nose?"

She heaves an exasperated sigh. "I was on da floor doing yoda!"

Okay then.

"So you gotta be nice to me."

I nod, because after the day I've had, this makes perfect sense to me.

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