September 23, 2010

Dating Debacle #1,242

I marched into the SW baggage office because my suitcase hadn't appeared on the conveyor. I'd just quit the guy I'd gone on a trip with, and he'd just delivered a last litany of stupid, compounding my outrage to the point of tears. Big titty baby, I know. I needed to vent like a live grenade, but the pin was stuck.

To the woman behind the lost baggage counter, I sniveled, "My bag . . . didn't . . . come through." Whimper, whimper. "I'm sorry. [gasp, blubber] I hate a man right now."

She gave me the solidarity grimace. You know, the one that says, Oh girl, I hear ya. Want me to kick his ass? This is what I love about women when you're feeling vulnerable; they get the entire picture in six words. If her coworker hadn't been there (a guy), we'd have pow-wowed with chocolate, a bottle of wine, and a cheese block we could carve into a voodoo doll. Helpful hint: Frilly foil toothpicks make the occasion more festive.

What, you've never done that?

Dating, you take your chances with complete strangers and, at minimum, hope for chemistry and enough things in common to keep things lively. Let's amp that up with the hope that your date's not that guy with the core belief that all women are sneaky and out to get him, cuz that's the guy who'll plant you in a no-win scenario where he can prove that his core belief is true. That's the guy who'll negate everything fabulous and wonderful and fun he did for you because of a single lame-ass assumption about your character.

And just so you don't feel too in the dark, here's a visual for you about how the weekend went:

Click to enlarge.
Here's what I came away with: a renewed appreciation for waterproof mascara and a deep crevice between my eyebrows. Like I need another reason for that.

And now I choose NEXT!, a nice Malbec, and Bridget Jones. Why BJ? Because when it comes to men, I am Bridget, looking for someone to like me just the way I am and holding out for something extraordinary. Someone extraordinary. Dude, where are you?

I leave you with my fave song from the movie, a sexy number you'll want to listen to while you're doing . . . stuff.

Now where are those toothpicks?

P.S. Yes, y'all. I found my luggage. It got to the office before I did. So weird.



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62 comments:

Christine Macdonald said...

Oh my GOD! What an advenutre! Your humor carries you through. Thank goodness.

Hugs and laughs,
Christine

Fred Miller said...

Oh, Baby. I love ya. Want me to kick his ass?

On Being a Submissive Wife

Joker_SATX said...

So sorry you crashed and burned there babe...as for where the extra sensitive guys are? I hate to say it but most are either married, gay, or too scarred for life after divorcing the mega beast they married the first time around....

But I say, continue to have hope! He's out there...the problem you will have is believing it when you do find him. Think about it, you will constantly be waiting for the other shoe to drop....

iasa said...

Oh, i'm sorry. While you are whittling your cheese doll you can always entertain yourself with the online version.

Linda in New Mexico said...

Hey, I just had this talk with my 10 yr old granddaughter....men are pigs. She too wants to be appreciated for the stunning, modest, fabulous, pre pubescent, beauty and best friend type in the 5th grade but ANDREW just keeps telling her lies and then telling her he's sorry when the other boys aren't around (don't wanna tarnish your street cred). Then we had milk, chocolate and if I'd known the deal with the cheese we coulda had a great arts and craft project. Men, boys, males, testosterone impaired folks are pigs. N'cest Pas? The Olde Bagg and counselor to the 10 year olds.

Eva Gallant said...

So, did you ever get your luggage?

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

Don't I know it, Sistah! Back in the single mindset once again just ain't easy. (I know...don't say ain't.) If I was there, I would've brought out the wine and enjoyed it with the two of you too.

Next time I have a pity party (re: my blog post) you're more than welcome to come. This time, it may even be a virtual one.

Hang in there. I feel your pain.

foxy said...

Okay for some reason blogger isn't wanting to take my comment. DAMMIT.

Well, crappola on that one. I hate that it didn't work out better. And that the hoohas aren't around to knock back a bottle of wine and box of chocolates with you. I can do it from afar though!! Let me know....

Bagman and Butler said...

I've been on both sides of your story so I read it humor, anger, guilt, empathy. And of course, after awhile, probably somewhere around my current advanced years, my main concern becomes -- "Did you ever get your luggage?"

Nana Go-Go said...

But what was `The Incident`?and at least the sun shone for you!lol
Much better to be a smart,sassy,sexy,independent lady than sell your soul to any old devil.

Udder Hysteria said...

I'm with Nana Go-Go...
besides, he's got too many low self-esteem issues to deal with the likes of you!
And i WILL kick his ass for you!

Linda Medrano said...

That really sucks. I was with a guy once and walked out on him in New Orleans. I shouldn't have been so hasty because I left my clothes and airline ticket in the room. That showed him!

Snappy Di said...

Sorry it didn't work out. I heard Match.com was filled with religious creeps. Just a rumor I heard. LOL What did you do, swear one too many times and he couldn't deal?

JoeinVegas said...

What did he do that made you throw him out? (I know it was him and not you, of course)

Gaelyn said...

Oh well, this one didn't work. And you are too good to settle anyway. There's more fish in the sea. I too am wondering about the luggage.

Brian Miller said...

just point me in the right direction...us men, we need that, though we will never ask for it...and i will take care of him for you...smiles.

Lisa said...

I've got Malbec, chocolate, cheese, special toothpicks and a wicked right jab. So just let me know.....

Can I assume that you also jotted the incident down for later use somewhere?

injaynesworld said...

Thank you for reminding me why I don't date. Been there, done that, have t-shirts in every freakin' color under the sky. So sorry, my friend.

At least you got a great post out of it.

Irish Gumbo said...

Sorry to hear that, lurve. Its guys like that what make it difficult for guys like me to stand a chance.

I recommend a fine aged cheddar for the cheese block. It needs to stand up to vigorous carving :)

I do hope you regained your luggage, and your composure. I'd send you some wine, but don't have enough bandwidth :)

Janie said...

First of all, I can't believe you cried over any dude unless it was REALLY REALLY bad.

Second of all, I can't believe you leave us hanging and wondering what "the incident" was. I'm using my imagination and everything I can come up with would made me take a baseball bat to his knees....but not make me cry. Come on....spill.

MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings said...

"...looking for someone to like me just the way I am and holding out for something extraordinary."

I guess this is what we're all hoping for, deep down, even though we don't like to admit it. Terribly hard to find, though. Except in dogs. You can punch a dog and it'll still wag it's tail at you. People are much less loving, but only God knows why.

Missy said...

OH.EM.GEE. That was bad! Men are losers! Even my Hubs is a loser today...

Janina Farias said...

I too am wondering what this Neanderthal (he IS a Neanderthal, right?) bozo did to inspire such an excellent blog post. Eff him!

Now please answer the question about your luggage. Your devoted readers need to know dammit! I hate cliffhangers.

daisyfae said...

i gave up on 'extrordinary'. i pass the time with 'really f-ing fun'. life with lowered expectations - and the love of a fine dog - is easier.

drollgirl said...

dating is horrifying. i hope you find the right man, and soon. and i hope i do, too!

Debra L. Schubert said...

I really hate the fact that I can TOTALLY relate to what you're saying!!!! Hugs to you, my friend. I'd have a glass (or three) of wine with you anytime. ;-)

Violet said...

I am really, really envious of your ability to draw a great plane.

And you are soooo right about this song - tres sexy. I'll be putting Bridget in the DVD to accompany my housecleaning tomorrow morning. :)

Life with Kaishon said...

You need someone extraordinary who loves you just the way you are because you are fantastical! I can totally tell! Hope you recover quickly from this debacle. Craziness!

Just telling it like it is said...

Awe hugs...I know what you mean...Men are dumb...They don't know a good thing when they have it and when it is gone then its to late...

Bernie said...

Not fun eh!......your just finding out the kind of men you don't want in your life......the kind you want in your life front and center will show up soon enough just when you don't expect it........:-)Hugs

De Campo said...

Does being suspicious of a specific gender because they have a storied history of listening to talking snakes constitute a core belief?

mac said...

The guy is an obvious moron.

I can think of no other explanation.

Nancy said...

Damn! Well you were too good for him anyway.

yogurt said...

So the sh*thead went into histrionics over nothing after you had flown there? Good riddance. But, still ... sorry... it hurts when it hurts.

Now, just so you know, Bridget Jones is great therapy for smug marrieds, too. L.o.v.e Bridget!

Vodka and Ground Beef said...

I love Bridget J.

I will beat this man senseless in honor of you. Is that too violent? He doesn't sound sensible, so I probably wouldn't have to lay too much smack down on him.

Murr Brewster said...

Chins up and keep the eyebrow spackle handy, GF. I haven't dated since the Johnson administration but I feel your pain. The last time I burst into tears in front of a complete stranger had something to do with trying to get my internet to work. Also the time before that and the time before that.

Cinner said...

Well It is his loss, from what I can tell you are awesome, it is unsettling for sure when what you expected does not pan out. take care.

slommler said...

Well that sucks and I will have a glass or two with you.
Glad at least your luggage came through.
How about a Mr. Ordinary who treats you like a Queen? That is what I have and I am content!!
Hugging you
SueAnn

Candice said...

Try going the lesbian approach. It's all the rage these days.

Pat said...

Damn! I was so hoping it would be a wild romance! Oh well! You're obviously too smart and beautiful for him!

Suzy said...

The guy who thinks there's just something wrong with women in general? Had him.

Years later he got cancer in his left ear. I broke it down via my health guru Louise Hay:

Cancer: long held resentment
Left side of body: represents women
Ear: represents anger

He hated women and resented the fact that they got a "free ride" via men's paycheck. (WTF?)

He also follows Louise Hay and when I sent him the list? He wrote back a cursory "Um, forgot about all that."

Joann Mannix said...

Love the pic. It speaks volumes. I am so sorry. Where is that Colin Firth when he is needed? COLIN!!! We've got a worthy woman here waiting.

Madame DeFarge said...

Ar least you could have hit him in the shins with the bag if you'd found it. That would have been rather satisfying.

TechnoBabe said...

You have to take a chance getting to know someone. You thought he was special and he turned out to be awful. I am so sorry you were hurt. Shoot, I love my hubby and sometimes I still get hurt. At least you didn't marry him. Or kill him.

Fragrant Liar said...

Nah, not awful by any stretch, peeps. Just a misunderstanding that I could not fix.

Shrinky said...

Oh hon, only you can turn a howling disaster into hysterically funny. For the record, sounds to me the prick was batting waaaay, waaay out of his league, anyway.

(((hugs)))

dana said...

Every time I come here, I'm left with regret: having spent a year in Hernando, driving through Ocala only to visit the stores there, I wish I'd known you were "right around the corner".

And, p.s. I'm heartbroken. The home I desperately wanted in Hernando...the one I paused to purchase...is gone and I'm in Indiana to face the life I tried to escape.

JennyMac said...

Here's what I came away with: a renewed appreciation for waterproof mascara and a deep crevice between my eyebrows. Like I need another reason for that.

Love this.

Sandra said...

Look for the guy wearing the Christmas sweater!
And yes, we women are all about hating men when one of us has been scorned! Hallelujiah!

otin said...

Some people want steak and end up settling for hamburger. You are just the kind of person who wants the steak and will have no less. You may be hungrier than the person who settled for the burger, but in the end, you will get your ribeye!

ModernMom said...

Ug. Thank goodness for the un spoken bond between women. Sorry you had to suffer through a Bridget Jones type adventure...but at least you got your bags back. No man is worst lost luggage.

secret agent woman said...

Ouch. Sorry it went down in flames. You know we are behind you in this!

Twenty Four At Heart said...

One of my friends just went to Spain with a new man. Got there and found out the hotel reservations were cancelled because he'd been fired and they had been booked thru his company for a work trip. He had lied to her and not told her he was fired. It turned into the biggest man/vacation nightmare imaginable. Ugh!

Does reading that make you feel better?

bernthis said...

you know I've been there. Hell, I am there. I'm so sorry you're having such a tough time. xoxo

Anonymous said...

That sucks. I know too many guys like that and, from them, I also know that a real gentleman would have filled up your house with flowers by now.

Adoption of Jane said...

I love this post! I have two 12ft Tribal African Spears.... point me in his direction!

Joanna Jenkins said...

I yiyi. I am so sorry. Crash and burn is not fun but it's good to see you sense of humor is still in tact.
Hang in there. jj

Michele R said...

Sorry to hear about that turd.
Oh, and that is my fave song of all time. Saw Shelby Lynne perform it a couple of times.
The BJ cd is achingly wonderful.

Midlife Jobhunter said...

On to the next one!

Lori said...

Oh goodness gracious...lol...thank god you have such a sense of humor to get through these things...I am glad that you set your standards so high...sadly in order to find the good one's you have to weed through all the "other" ones.

I remember when I was single I was saying to my friend and her friend who I had just met, "There are no good single guys...all the good one's are either gay or married." To which this gal I had just met said, "Or both" Come to find out that her husband of 20 years came out of the closet and left her for this man. We had a good laugh but all agreed on what we knew all along...boys are stupid. LOL

Hope your Monday is marvelous!

The Barreness said...

Okay, so...I'm not sure about the history here and I know I'm supposed to say "I'm sorry" and some other supportive crap, but really I only have two things to say to you.

1. Brilliant writing. You're nearly as clever as I am and that's saying something.

2. I prefer to look at every "failed attempt" at finding love more as another "sexual weapon" to add to my armory. I figure I learn something new every time (this is shocking at my stage), and it's only making me more fabulous for the next conquest-err...boyfriend.

(okay, I don't have those, but you get my meaning.)

Hrm. I think maybe I would up supportive after all?

Shit.

- B x

Matty said...

Patience. Not all men are "men". LOL There are some nice guys out there.