August 25, 2010

I Didn't Shave My Legs for Sex

I shaved my legs this morning. Sadly no, I'm not getting ready to have sex. Actually, my rule is I shave no leg before its time. When my Neanderthal roots start sprouting, I know it's time. I break out the quad-steel blades and puffy mango cream and get busy. Sadly no, not that busy.

What I want to know is who made up the rule that we Western babes weren't acceptably beautiful if we didn't depilatorize? Especially where sex is involved, since sex is such a primal act. What other creature in the animal kingdom de-hairs itself before coitus? I mean, is this really what we're using our superior brains for?

Let me help you make sense of this, people. You know you want me to.

Seems the earliest shavers were flint razors, way back in 30,000 B.C. Flint dulled fast, and since no one had yet invented the Mach 3 Turbo, flint stones became the first disposables. You ask me, it should have been more important for those cavepeeps to blend in; flint may be responsible for a lot of premature cavepeep deaths. Hungry maneaters get a whiff of all those razor cuts, they'll lunge in for the mauling. The perfect example of how pretty can be perilous, people. I'm guessing the next big invention after the wheel was that little box we call a bathroom, sparking the onset of civilized society. Everything calms down when you lock yourself behind that bathroom door. Am I right?

Then, in like 54-68 A.D.—Rome, of course—Nero's wife Poppaea used cream as an alternative to razors. Poppaea and her counterparts used inventive ingredients like resin, ass's fat, she-goat's gall, bat's blood, and powdered viper. Those crazy Eye-talians will try anything once, I'm telling you. If my own ass's fat performed such miracles, you can bet I'd be harvesting and selling it for fun and profit. Plus I'd be flaunting the chiseled mini-butt of a five-year-old by now.

I think it's clear. We can blame our ancient ancestors for having to shave our legs. If they were here today, I'd do the only civilized thing. I'd withhold sex.
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66 comments:

Kristina P. said...

I wear dresses and skirts a lot, so I shave often. And by often, I mean like once every 2 weeks.

Janina Farias said...

My last boyfriend expressed an interest in seeing me less, um, groomed. In other words, he wanted a hairy-legged hippy chick. Like the kind of girls you see buying soymilk at Whole Foods. This is just one of many, many reasons he is my ex-boyfriend and not my current boyfriend. I will be hirsute for no man, EVER!

Eva Gallant said...

A miracle has happened in my 60's: the hair on my legs has all but disappeared, greatly reducing the need to shave. Black hairs keep showing up on my face however; gotta' use the tweesers on those!

rxBambi said...

3 words for you:
Laser Hair Removal

I did it last summer and it was amazingly wonderful for this summer. I still have to shave occasionally if I want it to be smooth, but the hairs are so light and sparse that I really don't need to.

So why did you shave your legs?

Everyday Goddess said...

wax for me. i hate razor stubble. but you're right, we probably should blame our ancestors for lots of things.

Liberality said...

We shouldn't have to shave at all. I do about once a week because I wear dresses and skirts to work. I am past the age of wearing bikini's or next to nothing so I don't worry as much as I used to about having to shave. My husband doesn't care if I don't shave--it's all good to him, which is why I love that man and will keep him.
;~)

Fay's Too said...

Oh, Sister! Only shave those legs, pits, and hootihoo if YOU want to. I just don't understand the whole thing! Such a silly rule.

ellen abbott said...

I never found hairy legs to be an impediment to sex.

Vegas Linda Lou said...

I shave my legs almost every single day because what if I get in a car accident and the EMT is hot and I have stubby legs? And just my luck, I have abundant leg hair but fine, crappy shit on my head.

justsomethoughts... said...

i can assure you that the woman in the photo did. :)

McGillicutty said...

i'm with ya but I was blessed with fine hair and no little bumps... so in the winter i go from Christmas Eve 'til my birthday in Feb without so much as a epilstop...oh and still plenty of 'fun'.

Missy said...

I once dated a guy who was leaving for basic training. I promised him I would not shave my legs until he returned. I made it four days....
I also hate the MAN that invented the bra. Had to be man...

Fred Miller said...

Somewhere along the line, leg hair was a sex selection trait, I think. My girlfriend from Taiwan never had leg or arm hair. Never shaved. Never had stubble or bumps, even. But she couldn't leave my arm hair alone! If Gramps would have made up his mind about twenty thousand years ago and stopped begetting himself upon the hairy-legged ones, you women would not have to shave. But men just aren't picky enough. So there it is. I'm just like Gramps. The leg hair doesn't matter either way. I just love you as you are.

The Fred Effect: News Headlines

Senorita said...

I really wish we didn't have to shave. But then again, no matter how much I loathe it, I just don't feel right looking like a hairy beast.

I like feeling shaved, but there is no way that I would want a man to. I appreciate men hairy and manly.

Irish Gumbo said...

So if I shave my legs, I up my chances to have sex?

Hmmm. I do have a bag of disposable razors in my medicine cabinet.

All right, I'm on it ;)

Bella said...

there are things a woman should never shave! but legs aren't one of them! LOL

The Urban Cowboy said...

You mean only women shave their legs? No wonder everyone laughs at me when I wear shorts. :)

Owen said...

Personally I have no problem with women who don't care to shave their legs, or armpits... Living in Europe, in Germany and the Nordic countries especially, there are many who don't... and don't seem any less attractive for it.

I did see an amusing video about dating Viking women recently that you might get a kick out of if you haven't seen it already...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t1l9r60oH8g

I'm betting she doesn't shave her legs either. As for her sex life, I'm making no guesses.
:-)

TechnoBabe said...

Being a bubble head blonde, the hair on my legs is so light that I don't shave but a couple times a month.

mac said...

I don't know much about shaving as I haven't done it in 18 years.

I do know, however, that the natural look can be appealing on the right person. It's all just a matter of personal taste :-)

Gaelyn said...

When I was Much younger I used to put myself through this torture. In my 40s I quit shaving with the first frost and began with the first thaw. At 50 I just quit altogether. And none of this has hindered my sex life. Hell, I was born with this hair so I shall wear it with pride and die with it. If there's any left by then. OH, BTW, I wear skirts all the time with my hairy legs sticking out. If you don't like it, don't look. But I do pluck the chin hairs because I can't seem to grow a beard.

Casey Freeland said...

If given the choice between no sex and sex with our lady and she didn't shave her legs, guess what we'd pick, in oh, about 1/8 of a second. Oh, and Missy, Mary Jacob invented the bra. Take it out on her.

Cheers,

Casey (guy, if you couldn't tell)

Mone said...

What a great post! I think I'll shave my leggs today, maybe I'll have sex :)

Breathe said...

LOL This is one of the best. Seriously.

Why at this point do we even have hair there? I mean, come on evolution!

Que said...

That was probably the most informative post I have read (in the last 5 minutes). It was awesome! I must challenge the historians using this post as my single point of reference.

Wendi said...

I'm eagerly waiting for the day braided leg hair comes into fashion.

drollgirl said...

i am no fan of hairy legs OR of shaving. it is a no-win situation! bleh!

carma said...

I just saw a picture earlier today of Jay Z with shaved legs. Now that was unexpected. Did not realize he shaves his legs

Debra L. Schubert said...

I shave my legs almost every day, because that's what I like. The less hair, the better, in my world. ;-)

Pat said...

It seems the older I get, the less hair is appearing in places it's been, but showing up in places it SHOULDN'T. Thus, the shaving of the legs is down to a couple times a week; but the plucking of the chin hair is getting out of hand!

English Rider said...

Apparently the fantasy is that we are nubile pre-pubescents: but Oh! so randy!
Reality-check, anyone?

secret agent woman said...

I shave every time I shower (in other words, every day) because I like how silky my skin feels. Although I'm not a very hairy person so I could probably go a week with no noticeable stubble. And I love the contrast of my smooth, soft body against his harder, hairier one. But I shave my nether bits for no one - I have no desire to look like a pre-pubescent girl. That just strikes me as creepy.

dana said...

Much more "icky" than a leg with flowing locks, is the "day after" feeling when I'm scared to cross my legs for fear of puncture wounds. Happily, and sadly, now that I'm 60 my leg hair has transferred to my face, giving me a Willie Nelson look when I'm standing in sunshine.

Mrsblogalot said...

If I shaved now, my husband would think I was cheating on him.

Udder Hysteria said...

I don't NEED to shave.... But occasionally I choose to. These days, there tends to be more hair on my chin than my legs! Oh the horror!

Linda Medrano said...

I have a neighbor woman who is very pretty and very natural, including the hairy legs and underarms. She's kind of sexy looking I think. I shave my legs once in a while, but I really don't have much hair on my legs.

Oh, and you can have sex hairy or not. It's all in the eye of the beholder. Just get somebody who digs it whatever you do.

Homemaker Man said...

Now I get it.

Cinner said...

This is a hilarious post, I loved it, The advantage of being a plus size woman, I have not seen my legs for years, that and I wear bifocals, now I know why the cat is always swiping at my legs. lol. kidding. take care,

Brahm (alfred lives here) said...

Hmm, something I have never thought about.

I have shaved my back (hey, its normal for a gay guy), and waxed it. First waxing all I could think of was the horrible pain and feeling the wind afterward. Shaving, not so bad.

And yes is all for sex; am a guy, everything we do is for sex...

Brian Miller said...

whoa now that is crazy talk there at teh end...smiles. it does make ones legs look nice...

G-Man said...

What a crazy blog you have here young lady.
Thanks for visiting.

Warden Files said...

Alas, my dear, alas. I can sympathise. I was once asked to shave my beard to gain favour with a certain young lady.

I still have the beard after 42 years. The young lady took up with a mortician from Shoreditch and drove him to drink.

Lisa said...

Every day. I shave every day. Oh, let me qualify that - every day that I bother to shower. That's key.

My stubbly legs and I are walking away from the post feeling a bit smarter from all that info.

Bernie said...

Interesting post. Nowadays no one wears panty hose so you have to shave and lotion and shine. I still do not like the bare legged look with a dressy outfit. It looks unfinished, tacky, and awful in my opinion.

Thank for filling in for me while I was gone for a bit.

Lydia said...

Ha! I have scars to prove I shaved my legs for sex, for work, for working out...
But after menopause a strange thing happened. Lots of the growth just disappeared. Now only an occasional touch-up is necessary. This gives me time to attend to the new downy blond hairs that now grow on my face, also since aforementioned life change. It's awfully hard to "know thyself" when thy self changes so much throughout life. :)

Julie@beingRUBY said...

Well I always knew I loved everything Italian.. and this just backs it up.. hahha.. those smart thinking romans coming up with an alternative to the itchy scratchy...

Thanks for popping by and your lovely comment..... but should I believe a 'Fragrant Liar' hahaha Have a great weekend..

Pseudo said...

One bright spot in the days after chemo... my hair grew back on my head, but not so much on my legs. I hardly have to shave anymore ; -)))

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I'm an every-other-day year-round leg shaver. I seem to be alone in not really considering it much of an inconvenience. That said, I do it as much for me as for my husband--I just like the feel of smooth legs.

Joker_SATX said...

Hair...OMG how we contemplate it. Do you realize it would not be an issue if not for the invention of clothes?.....

Hilary said...

Summertime sure does keep the razor in use.

Stafford Ray said...

Hair, no hair, couldn't care less. But smell?? Now there is a turn on/off!

Maybe it was a typo. "Fragrant liar"
is that meant to be "Flagrant layer"?

I tried witholding sex once. Didn't work. The wife just laughed!

Anyway, if I had to wait until you shaved everything before you came into the bedroom, nine out of ten you would find me asleep. Zzzzzz!

Fun reading your stuff! Thanks.

Nancy's Notes said...

Not a problem here, seems as the years go by, the hair disappears. One good thing-

I enjoyed your guest host post over at Midlife Jobhunter's blog!

Nancy

white rabbit said...

I wouldn't shave my legs for sex. Unless it was compulsory. Which it sin't.

Jerry said...

History comes to life when you teach the class. I simply didn't realize that my affinity for smooth legs had ancestral roots in lust for razor cuts.

Oh man -- gotta' step back and ponder this heretofore unknown barbaric side of me.

sybil law said...

I like being smooth - it sets me apart from hairy men, which is kinda the point, I guess. Plus, my legs are shiny (with lotion)!

injaynesworld said...

Yes, it's definitely time for the annual shaving of the legs festival. Fortunately, mine are light and fairly sparse. I'm a cream gal, myself. I cannot be trusted with a razor. Safety blade, my ass.

Thanks for the fun history lesson.

rebecca said...

OMG, I found you thru another blogger and so glad I did!! You are hysterical! Hysterical! Love the way you write. However, if I were to go au natural I'm afraid the Beloved would think he has having coitus with his gender kind. And God knows I give him enuf stress....ha!

Maggie May said...

Theres me trying GROW my hair after chemo...... and you are wanting to shave it off.
Enjoy your hair wherever it is! LOL!
Maggie X

Nuts in May

Gaston Studio said...

I've always envied men who aren't required to shave their legs and underarms and the fact that, as they age and find little hairs on their chins, they can just blend in with facial hair. Sigh.

Always Home and Uncool said...

It's good to be a guy.

blognut said...

I have to admit that I have fallen for this whole 'need to shave' thing hook, line, and sinker. I can't even get into bed with myself, much less a partner, unless my legs are cleanly shaven.

I'm sorry. I'm so shallow. I'll let myself out.

Danica said...

I really only shave if I'm gonna wear a dress or wear shorts. Otherwise I shave once a week...even if sex is involved.

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

"premature cavepeep deaths" sounds like a great name for a rock band.

Midlife Jobhunter said...

I'm definitely an advocate for the non-shave guild. Although, as I age, it isn't quite as thick. As for my husband, I don't think he has ever noticed whether I'm decoifed or not. Just as long as I'm naked.

Debra Winegarten said...

Let's see, I can't remember when the last time was I shaved my legs, it's been years and years and years, before I came to Texas in 1995, before I went to Ohio in 1988, before I went to Denton in 1984. Yep, more than 25 years. Think of the time and money I've saved!

And I think the whole shaving your legs thing was created by Madison Avenue right around the time WWII and hosiery for the ladies came along...

shelley said...

hysterical hysterical hysterical!! thanks for making me laugh so much!! and loved the visuals too! gotta love my wax days though...
have a great day!
shelley
http://ims-stillstanding.com