August 30, 2010

Knowing It All Means Never Having to Say You're Sorry

I know it's hard to believe, and I hate to disappoint y'all, but the rumors are true. I'm not as smart as I seem. I hope you didn't just go into a tailspin on that illumination—like all my children—but the fact is smarty pants is the term that more accurately describes my I.Q. Mizz Smarty Pants if, as Miss Jackson says, you're nasty.

I'm sure you're asking right now: What sort of shenanigan is Fragrant Liar trying to pull? Everyone knows what a fountain of wisdom she is. Right?

It's just that I wonder when I will know everything there is to know so I can stop stumbling into walls, spinning around, and bouncing off the same walls again. If there's a date certain for this event, I'll ink it on my calendar and just keep hitting the snooze button till the day arrives. That way I can quit wearing the neon sign around my neck that reads, "I meant to do that."

See, if I knew everything, I could talk myself out of stuff and, therefore, never have to apologize. More importantly, people (you know who you are) would be compelled to speak these words to my face: "Yes, I was wrong and you were right." I'm giddy just thinking about that.

Lately I've considered that the roominess inside my noggin is akin to a three-car garage with a pink Barbie convertible in it, and nothing else. Of course, this makes my point that I'm absolutely NOT full of it. Cuz if my brain was truly chock full of wisdom and knowledge, I'd be my own personal Wiki. And I'm not—yet.

I confess. I rely on Wikis to fill in the gaps—pretty much a whole garage full of 'em. I'm talking about Wikipedia, Wiki.answers, Wikimedia, Wikibooks, Wiktionary, etc. Did you know you can create your own Wiki? Oh yeah! I could totally make my own Wiki. In fact, I aspire to it! I'd call it Wikishit. Or better yet, Fragrant-Wikishit. Imagine all the stuff I could put in there with the input of the masses. That's you, peeps. You are the masses and, together, we could feed the world our collective Fragrant-Wikishit. Images included.

People, now under construction: http://fragrant-wikishit.wikispaces.com/

Seriously. Check it out. www.wikispaces.com.
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46 comments:

blueviolet said...

Wiki-shit! I love it!!!!

Kristina P. said...

Love it. Can I be an editor?

Missy said...

That is so cool! I must have one...

Janina Farias said...

I want my own! I'd call it Wiki-Snark!

daisyfae said...

i may have to create a WikiTrailerPark. but that would be, like, work. and i'm not about work at the moment...

McGillicutty said...

OMG i had no idea you can create your own.. see... i just wiki and run... but never wiki and tell but would consider a one night wiki with the right guy!!! LOL.
how 'bout wiki-wtf?

Fay's Too said...

Dang. If I knew everything I would have thought of that.

Lisa said...

I am so there.

morethananelectrician said...

Not as smart as you seem? I am fighting with every ounce of power I can muster of not pulling out some kind of Jennifer Aniston comment here...but I know this is not my turf.

TechnoBabe said...

Leave it to you to start something new. Now there is going to be Wiki-Whine, Wiki-Wang, Wiki-Wuss, Wiki-Wabbit, Wiki-Wacky and on and on.

Linda in New Mexico said...

I want one and I shall call it Old Bagg wikishit. You are as usual not too much but just enough.
Glad you like the chile/peach combo....come on over girl, I'll fix ya right up.
The Olde Bagg

Fred Miller said...

I'm looking forward to Wiki-shit. Make sure you include a page about why I feel like I'm moving backward at a stoplight when the bus next to me moves forward while I'm still. If I'm standing on the sidewalk, it makes me fall down. Why? Oh, why?

The Fred Effect

bunny said...

we are the wiki~masses!

tootles,
bunny

Irish Gumbo said...

To paraphrase a wise Zen master, "If the mind is always full, it will never be able to receive anything new."

May you always have room in your garage, sensei. (bowing)

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

I love it. I'm not that smart either. Thank God for google.

sybil law said...

I am the google and wiki queen!!
Was that also an Urkel reference in this post? Niice. aha

flutter said...

sorry to tell you, you are brilliant.

Udder Hysteria said...

It's an Udderly delicious idea, Liar!

Midlife Jobhunter said...

"I'd call it Wikishit"

Now that's funny.

Gaelyn said...

I love it! Think I'll get Wiki-Wacki.

Brian Miller said...

not only that but...frgrant wiki-shit...lol.

slommler said...

Ha! I too love this!! All this Wiki stuff has my head spinning! Wikishit is a good one though. Perfect!!
Hugs
SueAnn

Gaston Studio said...

Fantastic idea... can't wait to see what you do with it because I know it'll be unique and funny.

Did you hear that Webster's (as in the dictionary) announced they're not printing any more hard copies until there is a demand for them... that's smart.

Captain Dumbass said...

Fragrant Wikishit. You are truly inspiring, ma'am. One of my favourite wikis is Wookiepedia which is all things Star Wars.

Shrinky said...

There is a huge gaping hole in the market for Fragrant-Wiki-Shit. Can I be your agent?

Linda Medrano said...

I just found out through Wiki that chickens do not have vaginas or penises. Now how's that for some blockbuster info! All this time when I would clean and cook a whole bird I worried about genital mutilation. Needless worry. Thank God for Wiki!

Steel Magnolia said...

Linda, and male lobsters have two. Which is either a good thing or not depending.

Ah I digress ... Fragrant, please, pretty please let me be a guest contributor to your wiki. We are of like minds, soul sistah. My orange plastic Barbie roadster circa 1966 has been parked in the attic of my mind since ... well 1966.

Cheers!

Smart Mouth Broad said...

Wiki WOW! Oh the things you can do!

PS. How is Miss America? I miss her. :-)

Owen said...

Is there an aerosol can variety on the market yet ??? Can see it in supermarkets everywhere... "Fragrant Wikishit Room De-Freshener", and people will say... now that is some wicked shit, man...

And then some joker will come up with another aerosol product for novelty shops : Wiki-shit Repellent

And what about Wiki-wocky, as in, Jabberwocky ??? Beware the Wiki-shit, my son...

Can't wait to see the rest. There may be more inside your skull than we previously imagined...
:-)

Jocelyn said...

You and your pink convertible have totally created the newest Barbie: WikieSkipper, she who shoves her glasses on top of her perfectly-coiffed updo while looking vaguely cross eyed.

Busy Bee Suz said...

Oh, you just made me laugh so hard...I am considering this my ab workout for the WEEK. :)

lisleman said...

oh this wiki thing might just take off. take off what I don't know but I'll go check it out.

blognut said...

When you do finally know all there is to know, would you please tell me. I'm willing to pay.

Danica said...

Wiki wiki!

drollgirl said...

um, you are too much!!!!!!

Lori said...

You crack me up! Thank you! :)

I'm Jane said...

I'm very grateful that you're taking this on. I just watched Jersey Shore for the first time and am officially stupider. A post-Jersey Shore wiki could be helpful in times like this.

secret agent woman said...

I like the idea of wikishit because it captures the mostly-but-not-necessarily-entirely-true nature of wikipedia and its kin.

Madame DeFarge said...

I want my own. But then everyone would know how little I knew. And then I'd be stuffed.

Jason, as himself said...

I do love my Wikipedia. So this only makes sense!

Claudia said...

i definitely am a fan of all the wikis around…on my iPhone i have a wiki-how and it tells me how to escape a car trunk or stop a car with no brakes…and if i'm ever on the highway and realize my brakes are not working, i only have to be fast enough to find the wiki-how…smiles
great idea with the wiki-shit...

Sandra said...

Yes, it was high time for a wikishit. My fellow university students and I will consult it often as it will mesh nicely with the shit were being taught!

mac said...

Good thing the wiki is in the middle. I think otherwise, fragrant shit is already taken ;-)

Pearl said...

I refuse to believe it, Fragrant, and you remain my shout-out option on any number of game shows.

Pearl

Pat said...

You are my hero - Wikishit! LOL!

Mrsblogalot said...

Only the smart ones come up with such funny Wiki crap.

Look it up. You'll see (-: