September 10, 2011

I Know Stuff

That's right. I said it. Contrary to the rumors, I have learned some things about life—like seventy-three terazillion things, to be exact. (Frankly, no one even knows I can count that high, so I'm really showing off if I remind my family of this milestone, which I totally won't do, in case they feel inferior.) But please, go ahead and call me Teacher. You know you want to.

Look! I'm Doris Day!
Listen, I fully expect to continue learning the hard way until I get to toast my century mark or until I have learned every single thing there is to know or until my brain reaches capacity—whichever comes first. Till then, here is just a sample of my vast cerebral knowledge:

Lesson #1:  Fear is one of the most toxic obstacles to authentic happiness. So is apathy, but I really don't care about that. Too often our decisions to do or not do, stay or go, say yes or no, are based on fear. I say, Take a chance. This is no time to shrink, Cowgirl. Lean into the discomfort so you can experience the joy.

Lesson #2:  People are going to judge you. Resistance is futile, and while you don't want to internalize their judgment, you can accept that judgment happens, just like shit. And accepting your story—your whole flawed story, including those things you're not proud of or that embarrass you—regardless of the ambient chatter, is the path to overcoming fear and shame. I say, So what? I do what I want with whomever I want. Plus, I am writer—beware.

Lesson #3 Patience is a virtue—and a bitch. Seeing what you want unfold naturally before your eyes, like a flower shooting from the earth toward the sun, is pretty cool. But the value of waiting for the full bloom increases or decreases with your level of fulfillment, and the pivotal moment inevitably arrives when you must stand tall and say, I'm all in with this, or I'm leaving it behind. Case in point, my Fantasy Football team, led by QB Drew Brees. Dude, what happened with the Cheeseheads? I'm totally gonna have to get rough with him.

Lesson #4:  All problems have a life span. Sometimes they go away on their own, sometimes you need outside help. But more often than not, pain and suffering is resolved by making decisions you don't want to. Giving yourself permission to let go, to forgive, to be free, to give your heart away or to take it back can seem as easy as going off your meds and chewing an entire fiery habañero. Slowly. Stone-cold sober. I say, This misery gets no more power over me. I choose to pursue happiness—with some peanut butter crackies and a big ol' pitcher o' milk. Naturally.

Lesson #5:  A good man is not hard to find. An extraordinary man is. Like it or not, part of discovering who's extraordinary for you is opening up and exposing your aorta—and sometimes other stuff—at your own peril. It is leaping and having faith that the net will appear. Sometimes you get a bloody lip and a rug burn. But I remind myself I'm worthy while exploring whether he is. I say, Be patient, lean into the discomfort—and the joy—shrug off other people's judgments, and know that soon enough the extraordinary relationship I deserve will appear.

Can I get a witness? I know stuff. That'll be two-hundred dolla. Class dismissed.
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37 comments:

Lisa said...

Crikey! How did you get so smart?

P.S. Will you promise to repost this about once a month please?

savannah said...

amen, sister! xoxoxo

Watercolor said...

Totally. :)

That Janie Girl said...

I got yo' witness, sistah. You do know stuff.

And amen.

That Janie Girl said...

Did I say I love that "lean into your discomfort"?

I do.

Brian Miller said...

nice...you are not only fragrant but smart...great stuff....

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I am lucky to have snagged an exceptional man when I first saw him--even though I was only 16 at the time.

You are so right about fear--it cripples many people.

Madam Z said...

Right on! It took me a long time to learn these lessons, but you have stated them well. Regarding fear, I just say to myself, "So what can happen? Will I die?" If the answer is, "Probably not," I go for it. As for people judging me, I don't give a rat's ass what they think! I yam what I yam! And patience? Sorry, I don't have time for that. You are so right about problems, too. I say, if they don't go away on their own,ignore them and eat some chocolate.

As for finding a good man, I gave up on that, a long time ago. My aorta was ripped out, and I've had enough "rug burns" to burn down a forest. I'll just settle for a guy who doesn't smell bad and can pay his own way to the movie.

Everyday Goddess said...

all right on the mark! i like your style!

Gaelyn said...

The check is in the mail.

Eva Gallant said...

What a great post! So true! You are wise beyond your years.

Pseudo said...

Amen. Amen. Amen.

Lean in, take a deep breath, and go for the ride. You never know what might be around that next bend in the road.

powdergirl said...

You do know stuff. I never thought you didn't, but now I know you can make it sound real pretty in script too.

Lesson 2 speaks to me especially, well said Liar, well said.

SueAnn said...

I say Amen sistah!!! Amen!!
I am in agreement!! Amen!!
Seriously...I am!!
Hugs
SueAnn

Sarah Lulu said...

Oh yes a soul sister at the top side of the Universe. LOVE IT ...
yes I do ... please nudge me when I forget all that ... probably tomorrow!

Jeanne said...

You DO know stuff!

Irish Gumbo said...

A bloody lip and rug burn?

You are wise, O sensei. There is much this grasshopper can learn from you.

I am leaning...

(bows)

yogurt said...

I may need to make a handout of your post. I'll give you credit, promise. Because seriously, the last one, especially, are words of wisdom that need repeating, "I remind myself I'm worthy while exploring whether he is."

meleah rebeccah said...

1. Sadly, "fear" dictates a lot of my life. I need to start taking more chances.

2. I truly don't give to craps about being judged. As long as I'm happy in my own skin that's all that matters!

3. "Patience" and I are working on our relationship. But you're right, she's a BITCH!

4. "Giving yourself permission to let go, to forgive" - I LOVE THAT.

5. Maybe one day I will get back into the dating world and hopefully, find an extraordinary man that's just right for me.

Your two-hundred-dolla check is in the mail!

Linda Medrano said...

Every one of these are life lessons that we all need to learn! Wonderful stuff! Really!

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

Ooh, that part about making decisions you don't want to make... I recognize that from more than one incident in my life! Great post.

otin said...

What an awesome post! I couldn't agree with you more on all of them.

injaynesworld said...

Nice... And I have no doubt that you will manifest exactly the relationship you want and deserve.

Jeanie said...

You not only know stuff, really good stuff, but you tell what you know so well. If I were you I'd add an extra $100 to the charge.

Murr Brewster said...

I admit I don't care about being judged by others. As long as they read my blog.

Fear is definitely an obstacle, but denial can still get you pretty far.

Sausage Fingers said...

I took me many years to understand and believe #4
Great post
Sausage

Ann Imig said...

So is apathy, but I really don't care about that.

Classic.


I especially like your all problems have a life-cycle one.

Karen said...

Awww sorry your new relationship fell apart.

So, yep that's all I got out of your post. Deep, aren't I??

LOL

Midlife Mama said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Karen said...

p.s. and Denial means having your head in the sand, and when your head is in the sand your ass is in the air, and baby you just might get screwed! LOL

Fragrant Liar said...

@Karen, Noooooooo, my new relationship did not fall apart! Don't know how you got that out of this post, but not so, girlie! It's wonderful.

Karen said...

*scratches my head* Hmmmm after re-reading, I'm not sure how I got that either. Maybe it was "lean into the discomfort"??? I dunno. It must be my menopause fogged brain. *waves hands in the air* Chat amongst yourselves I'm a bit verklempt. LOL SO very glad your relationship is still fantastic!! Hugs.

Bella said...

holey shiz! who wudda thunk you was so smart and all?

some people no matter how much advice you got to give they can't seem to receive the gift...

but I was just stopping to say hey!

Danica said...

Smarty pants!

Barb said...

The lifespan of problems is shorter with a deep infusion of chocolate.

Michelle Wells Grant said...

By gawd, you DO know stuff! I especially like that "problems have a life spam" thang. I'm totally gonna steal that and say I thought of it! ;-)

Red Shoes said...

Great post... I enjoyed it.

You echo many things that my Mom used to say to me. I guess when I was a younger fellow, I used to worry way too much. Mom used to tell me that most of the things that I worry about would never happen... and that those that did happen, I would handle just fine.

We tend to be afraid of failure, when in fact, it's when we fail that we tend to learn our most important lessons.

I can't speak for the availability of good/exceptional men... but I can speak for the lack of good/exceptional women. Perspective is everything, I suppose.

~shoes~