August 5, 2012

Cliff Diving, Or How I Became 0 for 7

Friday, I leave work early to spend time at the pool. Uh-oh, here comes my neighbor, a muscle-bound gym junkie, who's pretty adorable. Alas, he's too young for me, and he says things like, WE could do this, and WE could do that. But—and this is kind of important—we just met. I am always surprised by this. I think, Don't you want to get to know what you're not going to like about me first, before you dive in?

Couple weeks ago, I met International Sales Guy Michael online. Holy shit, we hadn't even had our first face-to-face and I felt like a mail-order bride. Don't get me wrong. Michael is model handsome, physically fit, intelligent, fun, yada yada. Of note, we'd both been dumped by people we adored and trusted, so why he wanted to talk exclusivity is beyond my emotional IQ. But I was 0 for 6 with nothing to lose. Might as well check him out, right?

Date #1, Friday. The wining and dining commenced, followed by a walk down Sixth Street where we ducked into Pete's piano bar—always a good venue for revealing my true colors with a boisterous sing-along to the crudest songs known to man, wherein my date either gets me or he doesn't, or he's tormented by the thought of introducing me to his mother. I do come with a warning, which I should wear on my boobs so when he loses focus and is startled to hear profanities from the sweet and petite girl, he is reminded, "Oh yeah, she did mention a proficiency in sailor talk," which is NOT the same as, Me love you long time. However, enter the Disney Whore.

Date #2, Saturday. Great time, good chemistry, and Michael danced me around the room like Fred Astaire. Didn't make me laugh (vital if you want to get to first base), but I mused, if anybody could breathe new life into this broken heart, maybe . . . Still, my gut instinct had already assessed the situation and blinded me with flashing neon lights:  What up with this "I'm only seeing you" expectation, cuz—I'm just tossing this out there—WE JUST MET!  He went from "Call Me Maybe" to "Hey Baby, Let's Go to Vegas."

Some people meet and instantly fall in love, and maybe when I was much younger I did too. But with experience comes reservation, and usually I'm a toes-in-the-water girl before I cannonball in. So, barely wet, this guy's rush to cliff-dive into a relationship scared the livin' shit out of me.

So sorry, you are not for me. So sorry, c'est la vie!

And so it goes, the count rises. I'm 0 for 7 now, with one in the batter's box and one on deck. Let's see if this season at least somebody gets on base.
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17 comments:

Gaelyn said...

Well good thing there's quite a few choices out there. So many just don't get it. Good luck.

Red Shoes said...

"with experience comes reservation... "

It's not called being 'gun shy' for nothing!

~shoes~

red.neck chic said...

LMBO!!! Again - I am jealous!!! At least you have some in the batter box! Mine keep falling off the deck!

I should get out more.

:) robelyn

Brian Miller said...

i got hope for you yet...i like that they have to make you laugh...that is def important...and def important too to trust your instincts

Murr Brewster said...

At least he got you wet.

daisyfae said...

laughter is the key to my heart as well... if he hasn't gotten your giggle going by the second date? trust your instincts. keep working through the lineup sister! and try to enjoy the game...

Suzy said...

We're opposites! If a man doesn't make me laugh, he doesn't even get a date!

Bagman and Butler said...

Wow...7 really unlucky guys.

morethananelectrician said...

I have a ton of baseball analogies here...but most of them are offensive.

Pearl said...

I have always been bad at dating. I tend to just move in. :-)

Pearl

injaynesworld said...

I am sooooooooo happy to be at a stage in my life where I no longer have any interest in dating. When I think of all those wasted years of angst and what I could have accomplished with the time and energy I wasted in the pursuit of romance I just want to stick hot pokers in my eyes. Now, got my vibrator, got my chocolate -- I'm a happy camper.

Jono said...

Only 7? You haven't even gotten your big toe wet yet. There are a lot more fish in that school. Keep looking!

Hilary said...

Someone to laugh with is essential. But before anything, do keep on trusting your instincts. They can only let you down if you ignore them.

Murr, as usual, made me laugh.

TK Kerouac said...

If only it was easier:)

Jocelyn said...

You know, I've missed you (my fault); I have always loved how you mix complete honesty and emotional vulnerability with non-saccharine positivity.

May #8 be Just The One.

Jerry E Beuterbaugh said...

"Fragrant Liar" has been included in the Sites To See for this week. I hope this helps to point many new visitors in your direction.

http://asthecrackerheadcrumbles.blogspot.com/2012/08/sites-to-see_10.html

meleah rebeccah said...

ya know what? Kudos to you, for even going back "out there" - seriously, you're much braver than I am.