Me No Talky

Dah-ling, I vant to be [left] alone.

The ubiquitous PDA is ringing, and I am ignoring it. I have glanced at the caller ID, and it's no one I want to speak to. Nope, me no talky.

Gone are the days when, if you wanted to be alone, you could just take the phone off the hook, go for a drive in your convertible, or hide with a good book and a bottle of wine among your shoes in the closet. Now, because there's an unwritten law that you must have your cell phone activated and on your person at all times (I'm not sure who my person is yet, but supposedly she's like my shadow), people start calling 911 when you don't answer, and reporting you kidnapped or dead or irresponsible.

Hello. I'm Fragrant Liar, and I'm a cellaholic.
I'm not saying it's easy. I’m so used to having a phone on me that going wireless-less registers a bloody 11 on my discomfort knob (– You see? Eleven! That’s one achier than 10). It’s akin to facing the world stark naked with nothing for my hands to do but wave. Still, I'm tired of being so easily accessible. Easy is for sluts and geniuses and bores. No way I'm a bore. I am, however, convenient. But not today. Today, I’m not answering my phone.

Sometimes when my ex calls, I don't answer the phone. I look at his name and sneer, as my heart collapses in on itself just a little bit. I don't want to talk to the guy who stopped loving me – never mind that I left him first. He promised.

But if my cat rang me, I would take that call straight away. She's always there for me. When I drop her off for day surgery, she still comes home liking me. Was that Freudian? I meant "licking" – and purring and rubbing against me. Plus, it would be awesome if she could dial with one paw pad at a time. Probably more awesome if she had an itty bitty kitty cell tucked into her kitty fanny pack. Along with some Anti-Eau de DooDoo feline-behind spritzer.

Excuse me. My phone is giggling. The ringtone is a recording of my 2-1/2 year-old nanaboy from NOLA, belly-laughing as his mom chants, "Dickie-dickie-doo," over and over again. I don't want to miss hearing his little voice, not when he's getting "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" down so well.
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