March 13, 2009

Me No Talky

Dah-ling, I vant to be [left] alone.

The ubiquitous PDA is ringing, and I am ignoring it. I have glanced at the caller ID, and it's no one I want to speak to. Nope, me no talky.

Gone are the days when, if you wanted to be alone, you could just take the phone off the hook, go for a drive in your convertible, or hide with a good book and a bottle of wine among your shoes in the closet. Now, because there's an unwritten law that you must have your cell phone activated and on your person at all times (I'm not sure who my person is yet, but supposedly she's like my shadow), people start calling 911 when you don't answer, and reporting you kidnapped or dead or irresponsible.

Hello. I'm Fragrant Liar, and I'm a cellaholic.
I'm not saying it's easy. I’m so used to having a phone on me that going wireless-less registers a bloody 11 on my discomfort knob (– You see? Eleven! That’s one achier than 10). It’s akin to facing the world stark naked with nothing for my hands to do but wave. Still, I'm tired of being so easily accessible. Easy is for sluts and geniuses and bores. No way I'm a bore. I am, however, convenient. But not today. Today, I’m not answering my phone.

Sometimes when my ex calls, I don't answer the phone. I look at his name and sneer, as my heart collapses in on itself just a little bit. I don't want to talk to the guy who stopped loving me – never mind that I left him first. He promised.

But if my cat rang me, I would take that call straight away. She's always there for me. When I drop her off for day surgery, she still comes home liking me. Was that Freudian? I meant "licking" – and purring and rubbing against me. Plus, it would be awesome if she could dial with one paw pad at a time. Probably more awesome if she had an itty bitty kitty cell tucked into her kitty fanny pack. Along with some Anti-Eau de DooDoo feline-behind spritzer.

Excuse me. My phone is giggling. The ringtone is a recording of my 2-1/2 year-old nanaboy from NOLA, belly-laughing as his mom chants, "Dickie-dickie-doo," over and over again. I don't want to miss hearing his little voice, not when he's getting "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" down so well.
.

28 comments:

Julie said...

OMG, I feel you on this one. My sister will call me (and I won't answer) and then she'll call back every 15 minutes until I do. Or she'll leave a voice mail saying "Call me". If you're going to leave a voice mail, then tell me WHY I SHOULD CALL YOU BACK. If it's an emergency, I'll call right away. If you want to tell me that Grey's Anatomy is a repeat this week, I'm not in any big hurry to dial your number.

Arrrgh. The electronic leash. Sometimes love it. Sometimes hate it.

The Blue Ridge Gal said...

We have simply refused to be leashed to a phone... even at home we rarely answer it... I let everything go to voice mail on our hard line. Deal with the calls I want to and DELETE the rest.

Rarely take my cell phone with me unless there is a need to that particular day... trust me, there is rarely a need. It's easy.. just shut the thing off... see how easy that was?

Di
The Blue Ridge Gal

Mary Moore said...

If I didn't need my cell ph. for work, I wouldn't have one. As it is, I ignore it most of the time...

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

I will be the rebel and publicly out myself as a phone lover!!

Hallie :)

Frank said...

You take a BOOK and a bottle into your closet? Seriously, a book? You really do need better entertainment, Dah-ling. Is that where the term closet wino comes from? BTW. In honor of your post, I am going to call everyone Dah-ling for the rest of the day, in my best Marlene Dietrich voice. (Yes, I know your pic was Gretta but I can only do Marlene.) Thank you Dah-ling!!! : )

Anna Russell said...

I hate when I'm trying to avoid someone by not answering my house phone so they phone my mobile, text me, e mail me and send subliminal messages through the television. I may have made the last one up.
It's very confusing.
I think you should get your cat a pager.

nothingfancy1 said...

Awwww...a giggling ring tone...now THAT's a call worth answering!

Kristina P. said...

We don't even have a land line. I've left my cell phone at work before, and that's not a good situation. I think I curled up into the fetal position, for hours.

Amy said...

When we moved to AZ we decided to get a home phone just so that we would have a number to give to people we don't want to give our cell phone numbers to. It has no answering machine or voice mail. Most of the time when it rings, caller ID says, "Unknown" or "800 Number", so I don't pick up.

The people who I want to talk to have my cell number. I'm horrible about keeping the thing with me or near me. I figure they really need to talk to me, they'll leave a message and I can call back. I just hate being tied to a contraption that puts me at the mercy of every yahoo that gets bored and wants to dial my number.

I refuse to cave in to the pressure of feeling as though I'm obligated to be constantly available.

Cheers to you! Let's go in your closet and have a drink.

DebraLSchubert said...

My name is Debbie and I'm a cell-phone-aholic. My cell phone is unquestionably a fifth appendage. My excuse is I have kids so I have to be available 24/7, but the truth is I'm addicted to my phone. I'm also addicted to red wine, but you won't see me leaving that behind either.

Sarah's Blogtastic Adventures said...

I never anwser my cell phone but mainly because my ringer is set to Bootylicious and I cant stop singing long enough to anwser : )

Belle said...

I much prefer my cat to my husband and kids. My dog is my real love though...
I totally ignore my phone most of the time.

Jan said...

If I don't answer my cell phone, the kids will call the house phone. If I don't answer the house phone, they call Beloved's cell phone. If he doesn't answer, they call the office phone. If we don't answer there, they start sending frantic instant messages via Yahoo.

If they can't get us even then, they give up and call their other parent to borrow money from.

:D

♥Trina♥ said...

If I don't recognize the name/number, they can leave a message. If it's an emergency, they will.

midlifeslices said...

Dahling.....I tried calling you. Where are you?? pick up! pick up! Are you o.k.? Call me and let me know you're o.k. And if you're not o.k. then call me and tell me that too. Are you there? hello? yoo..hoo.....helllooooooooo

Smart Mouth Broad said...

Because of my job, my phone has to be on 24/7 but I confess to ignoring it at times too. Shhhhh. I hope you get a break from cell-town soon but first, take that giggle call.

Crazy Charm said...

I always answer my phone. It's an extension of my hand. However, that one time I decide to ignore it, it's ALWAYS something or someone really important. Ugh. It's a no win situation.

Sarah Lulu said...

Only my Mother calls my landline.

My mobile (we call them mobile phones not cell phones in Australia) ..is also for work.

Currently I have the ringtone set to Diana Ross, Chain Reaction. I change it every month or so because the song usually starts to make me crazy eventually.

My mobile phone actually speaks the callers name over the lyrics (if they are known to me) ..my last ex comes up as Nowhere Man which makes me laugh and I don't often answer him.

I turn my phone of for at least 2 or 3 hours every day on the weekends.

I think being unavailable is wonderful and important.

Midlife Jobhunter said...

You know how much I like to talk on the phone. State your business and get the hell off my line.

And, Frank, your loyal commenter? I love him.

(It's really okay to not answer. If important, they will call you back.

Debbie said...

Sometimes I don't even check my cell phone for days and days. I just don't like feeling like I am at its beck and call.

Jill said...

AHHHH Do you remember the days you could go out and not hear a beeper or a cell phone going off. The days with no technology..... I do miss them sometimes! I have had my ringer on my house phone since my kids had the flu> I figure if it's someone who I want to talk to they know my cell phone number...If they don't have it........... I don't need to talk to them anyway!

AirmanMom said...

Ahhhh...the good old days! No cell phones, no answering machines,no e-mail.... no panic! just life.
::sniff, sniff::: I miss those days!
~AM

Lisa said...

Convenient! I love that word. I've found that I'm too accessible for some people. Of course my husband and children need access. Work, during appropriate work hours does, too. But there are some who want to be able to cut into my time, but I never do the same to them (for good reason).

I've been considering at least a one day a week electronics amnesty for myself where I'm unavailable. I think it would do me some good and it might give those time vampires some perspective about my value in their lives. Or not. Either way - I have some of my time back.

Did you say giggling? I love that too!

Breathe said...

The best part of cell phones is that they occasionally go dead.

resplendentlife said...

I'm so with you. It took me three years to learn how to shut the ringer off on my home phone and I have felt completely free ever since. I routinely leave my cell phone in my car or let the battery go dead. In addition, I also abhor the chat function in gmail and on facebook. It is so invasive to me! I know, I sound crazy.....

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

I love going places without my phone. Or turning it off. I miss that independence and freedom.

Gaston Studio said...

I am SO a non phone lover and I simply won't answer my phone after 8 pm at night (unless of course it's from a family member and they better have a dire emergency!). Who are these people who want to talk at night about nothing, mind you, when I'm engrossed in Lost or Closer or better still, the latest book I'm reading!
Love the pic of your cat in the Christmas tree... priceless.

patteran said...

I hate that my cellphone ('mobile' this side of the big water) is now an essential piece of kit without which I would not venture forth. Promiscuous availability still goes against the grain, but I've got used to it. What I'm struggling to understand now is Twitter, the sole rationale of which seems to be a level of self-scrutiny by others that amounts to getting undressed in front of uncurtained windows. What's the deal there?