I'm a little disturbed. I see you shaking your head and mouthing, Duh! But I'm not that kind of disturbed (Stop it!). See, I just found out something incredible, and it has me questioning just what kind of a mother I've been. A warning to you young parents. You only find out this stuff after they're grown. Then, when you least expect it, the most astonishing secrets reveal exactly where you screwed up. I share one such pivotal incident with you now . . .
George, my daughter TG's husband, brings home a KFC family bucket of thighs, legs, wings, and breasts—the usual suspects. Their kids are then served up the standard kid fare of chicken legs. TG rummages through the bucket for her pieces and comes out empty handed and royally pissed!
"There aren't any legs left!" TG squawks.I blame myself. Somehow I gave TG the impression that white or dark meat was a result of the way chicken was cooked—as in till white hot, apparently. Or perhaps a matter of breeding. Feed kids too many carrots and they turn orange. Feed chickens too many white seeds and . . .
George: "You said you wanted white meat, so I got you white meat."
TG: "I wanted legs!"
George: "You always ask for white meat, and since you're the only one who likes white meat, I always get three pieces just for you."
Heated conversation about TG's taste in chicken anatomy ensues.
George: "You know legs aren't white meat, right?"
TG eyes him blankly while focusing on the appearance of a chicken bone after the meat is gnawed off. "That leg bone is white!"
A discussion of breasts and menu options leads to an abrupt moment of silence that stretches into 30 years of misspent chicken choices and the sudden realization that George just may be right about something.
George: "So that's why there's always three pieces of white meat left over that nobody ever eats?"
(crickets)
I know. It's a very dark secret, but at least it didn't come out during some tearful therapy session. Thankfully, no one outside the family knows. Now tell the truth, you have a little anecdote about yourself like this, don't you?
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Major props to TG for being such a good sport and allowing me to post this story. After all these years, she still trusts me. I have her so fooled!
