February 4, 2010

The Chicken or the Leg

I'm a little disturbed. I see you shaking your head and mouthing, Duh! But I'm not that kind of disturbed (Stop it!). See, I just found out something incredible, and it has me questioning just what kind of a mother I've been. A warning to you young parents. You only find out this stuff after they're grown. Then, when you least expect it, the most astonishing secrets reveal exactly where you screwed up. I share one such pivotal incident with you now . . .

George, my daughter TG's husband, brings home a KFC family bucket of thighs, legs, wings, and breasts—the usual suspects. Their kids are then served up the standard kid fare of chicken legs. TG rummages through the bucket for her pieces and comes out empty handed and royally pissed!

"There aren't any legs left!" TG squawks.

George: "You said you wanted white meat, so I got you white meat."

TG: "I wanted legs!"

George: "You always ask for white meat, and since you're the only one who likes white meat, I always get three pieces just for you."

Heated conversation about TG's taste in chicken anatomy ensues.

George: "You know legs aren't white meat, right?"

TG eyes him blankly while focusing on the appearance of a chicken bone after the meat is gnawed off. "That leg bone is white!"

A discussion of breasts and menu options leads to an abrupt moment of silence that stretches into 30 years of misspent chicken choices and the sudden realization that George just may be right about something.

George: "So that's why there's always three pieces of white meat left over that nobody ever eats?"

(crickets)
I blame myself. Somehow I gave TG the impression that white or dark meat was a result of the way chicken was cooked—as in till white hot, apparently. Or perhaps a matter of breeding. Feed kids too many carrots and they turn orange. Feed chickens too many white seeds and . . .

I know. It's a very dark secret, but at least it didn't come out during some tearful therapy session. Thankfully, no one outside the family knows. Now tell the truth, you have a little anecdote about yourself like this, don't you?
___________________________________________________________________
Major props to TG for being such a good sport and allowing me to post this story. After all these years, she still trusts me. I have her so fooled!

41 comments:

Secretia said...

My mother used to buy a whole chicken and 4 to 6 extra legs.
Then my father would always say he liked extra breasts too!

Bagman and Butler said...

I used to think Welsh Rarebit was Welsh Rabbit and could never figure out why there wasn't any meat.

Gillian said...

I'm a breast girl

Wreggie said...

I am a recent convert from white meat to dark meat. At 53.

Brian Miller said...

white meat...dark meat...all tastes like chicken to me..funny story though.

Mone said...

Hahaha, thats a funny story.

Homesick Cajun said...

Lol...I'm a breast girl also!

Gaston Studio said...

Can't believe you fooled the kid that way! I'm a breast girl myself too.

Jaime said...

great story. of course white and dark meat has to do with how the food was cooked. who wouldn't believe that one?

otin said...

Breast and wings only! I hate the other stuff! (You are so goofy lol)

Eva Gallant said...

I think your explanation of it depending on the cooking makes perfect sense! Although, I love chicken and will eat ANY portion I can get my hands on!

Candice said...

That chicken must have spent too much time out in the sun if his legs are dark meat. That's all I can figure out.

I don't eat anything on the chicken but its boobs. I'm a white meat kind of girl.

Expat From Hell said...

I remember reading in Fast Food Nation about how chickens are bred to meet our "needs". Like McChickens in Arkansas, being bred (or should that be "bread") for the McNuggets that we all love so much. What the hell does "flaked and formed" mean, anyway? Thanks for putting this up, FL. This was a good one to read and think about. EFH

TechnoBabe said...

Well at least the fact hit home before she was a grandma! My favorite are wings. Just had some yesterday!

powdergirl said...

I think she should reconsider letting George be 'right about something". it sets precedents that no girl should have to live with. Next he'll think he's right about the fries coming from potatoes.

Herding Cats said...

That's really funny! Hey, it happens...

Nota Bene said...

I laughed...I have no chicken secrets, but it took until I was 30 to discover the effect of asparagus and beetroot on pee...

Kristina P. said...

Too funny! I will eat your leftover white meat.

foxy said...

You probably educated at least one person today, girl. I'm just sayin, TG is not the only one that's ever made that mistake. I'm sure of it.

Linda in New Mexico said...

OMG, this is priceless. I have no chicken story but we did convince Ry last week that the tuna noodle casserold was mac n cheese with estras. Buhhyaa.
I always prepare myself to read your lunacy. I make sure I am not drinking anything I am not willing to have come out my nose or on the keyboard. Good planning this morning.

Linda in New Mexico said...

now if I could only type....

The Bug said...

Here I was sitting here trying to figure out what I wanted for lunch - & you reminded me that I had a chicken leg in the fridge just waiting for me! Thanks! BTW - we always call them drumsticks because my husband doesn't want to think about our food having body parts.

Captain Dumbass said...

Ha! I wonder how I'm screwing up my children?

Bella said...

bock bock! suddenly I'm craving a Cadbury Egg!

Tgoette said...

Great story! I admit that when I was raising my kids that I routinely told them a series of whoppers which they are only now beginning to discover to be utter bullshit. Oops!

mac said...

Chicken is like a sun tanned woman...the white meats are best ;-)

blognut said...

White meat for me - the legs kinda gross me out!

Pastor Sharon said...

I'll take thighs and legs everyday over white meat anyday. And what a funny story.

I guess I never had a clue everyone didn't have a gizzard when my mother would cut up a whole chicken and talk about that.

I even said once, "My gizzard hurts", as I held my stomach. It took a while to understand while she laughed until tears rolled down her cheeks.

midlifeslices said...

My children are totally and completely normal because I've never done anything to screw with their minds.

Really.

Stop laughing!! I'm being serious here.

Really.

gayle said...

That is such a cute story!!! I will have to think about this!!:)

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

Our daughter was a very picky eater who never wanted to try anything new. I didn't get far in expanding her horizons. But somehow being a wife and mom connected with something deep inside her, and now she's a gifted cook who tosses around all kinds of terms I've never heard of. Who knew?

Michel said...

hahah! That is HILARIOUS... well played...well played!

I have SOOO many stories of how my daddy has wronged me throughout my life.
I, however, am a saint.

Alix said...

Oh golly. That white bone statement! I guess it could be very confusing if your mom hadn't bothered to raise you knowing what "white meat" really means.

Personally, I think of albinos.

Madame DeFarge said...

You mean there's actual chicken in them there those buckets? Blimey, it's more than we get over here.

Ginger@When Ginger snaps... said...

Don't feel bad. We all do things to screw up our kids.

Breathe said...

Now I want fried chicken.

You are very, very cruel. I HAVE BEEN SO GOOD UP TO NOW!

wah.


And you better have your chapter done, missy.

Michelle Wells Grant said...

Hey, if that's worst ya did ....
You one good mama. And funny.

Miz Dinah said...

Yeah, breasts all the way. Everyone else in my house likes dark; there are always more white pieces left over...for me! :) Funny story, FL.

bernthis said...

being divorced allows me to avoid these types of conversations.

Que said...

I'm new to your blog and I love it. I'm sure this will get lost in the sea of comments (proof of a great blog), but I just wanted to say this was a pretty funny situation! Thanks for sharing.

Pat said...

That is too, too funny! All these years and it never came up till now? Ha, ha, ha! Good thing she was just home with her family and not out in public when she found out the truth!