June 26, 2010

Is Thicker Better?

[heaving sigh]

People, I've changed.

It's true. And disturbing. My internal gadgetry has been altered, perhaps permanently, because of my new navigational coordinates. Most notably, my hair is thicker.

I know! Thicker should be a good thing, right? I mean, most of America, as represented by the HBO writers of HUNG, loves thicker. Thicker is something women lust for and worship, right? We are willing to pay a lot of cold, hard cash for thickness. The hair product commercials, made by experts in all real life matters, confirm that thicker is better, healthier, sexier.

Yeah, yeah.

The truth is, I already have thick hair. Thick and fine. However, the water and humidity and air particles in Central Florida make my hair practically explode with frizz and coarseness, which translates to untamed, unattractive, and, well, old.

Yes, now we're getting down to it. You know how I hate to feel old, right? A single midlifer looking for love (mostly inactively looking, but still quite available to the guy who can check off the appropriate asset boxes with nary a kinky whisper in the negative column) -- yes, moi -- cannot afford to feel old. Cuz it shows. It's like a big blaring yellow sign that says, I'm pathetic, don't come any closer. I mean, peeps, despite investing a small fortune on all my taming and smoothing hair products, I still wake up every morning and witness each hair follicle jolting its shaft to full attention and expanding up its length all the way to the tip, right before my eyes. And, incredibly, it stays that way all day.

Hey, I'm lucky to have hair at all, I know. But frankly, the staying power of uber-frizz is one of life's little cruelties. It's taken over, and makes me want to sit on the sofa all day, paralyzed and craving peanut butter crackies, hair strung up in a ponytail. Woe is me. What could possibly make me feel better?

Oh look, HUNG is on. Later, my friends. Later.
.

38 comments:

Casey Freeland said...

There has to be hundreds of thousands of women in your region with the same problem. There has to be a trick. A spray bottle full of motor oil. Something. Good luck. :)

Sir Thomas said...

thicker.... no long and wavy is what men want...

lol... motor oil... that would work for awhile... I guess...

but reguardless you look fine both ways

Pat said...

You had me at "Hung". It's back on? Yes!

He's married to Patricia Arquette from "Medium". Hard to see the two of them together. (Hard) being the operative word here. wink wink

Oh, yeah, sorry about the frizz. :)

TechnoBabe said...

Sounds like you didn't know before you moved way the heck to Florida that the humidity would frizz your hair every day. Uh huh. Those hairy babies are never going to be the same.

Breathe said...

We use shea butter oil on Mireya's hair. It tames the frizzies on her and she's got SERIOUS challenges.

You can also try leaving a bit of conditioner in your hair.

And then, there are hats.

Irish Gumbo said...

Uber-frizz...that gets me all excited when you talk German! :)

Hey, keep in mind, a ponytail can be a wondrous thing, indeed: Secret Weapon :))

Mrsblogalot said...

Oh my, when you asked Is Thicker Better? my mind went a totally different way. Is this what midlife does also? Puts your mind in the gutter?

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

Go to the mall, to one of those annoying kiosks, and let the girls straighten your hair with the ceramic straightener. It made my hair so pretty. I did not buy one, but if you do, don't pay more than $100. That's how low they went when I kept insisting I had no money that day (which I did not).

slommler said...

Sorry you have the frizzies!! That sucks! And I have no magical treatment.
Hugs
SueAnn

Jason, as himself said...

Maybe you should get the Brazilian Blowout. It is all the rage here, everyone is getting it, and it makes their hair smooth and tame.

Look into that.

Damn. I wish I had HBO.

mac said...

It could be that your looking 75% is better than a lot of women's 100% ??

Don't worry about it. Your hair being frizzy wouldn't deter most guys in the least :-)

Everyday Goddess said...

if you do get the Brazilian blowout, make sure you specify which area you are Brazilian-ing.

Eva Gallant said...

Where have I been? I've never heard of this show, "Hung."

McGillicutty said...

my darling hubs went to the utilities company yesterday to have HBO turned on just 'cos Hung starts again tomorrow... sad.
Now for the hair... wait it up and slather it in product.

ellen abbott said...

ahem...florida!

Marg said...

I have the opposite problem, humidity makes my hair go limp and lifeless. Which is worse, uber frizz or lank and limp?

Good luck in finding a solution.

Lisa said...

Hair. It's such an ongoing issue. I can't seem to grow my out as long as I used to because it gets more coarse. I guess I should be glad it's not thinning. Much.

Madame DeFarge said...

I wish I could say the same. Mine has just thinned with age and it is not what it was in my glorious 20s. I rather miss it.

Eternally Distracted said...

and that is why I favour the skinhead ;0)

foxy said...

Oh, how I love me some Hung... yum. And I'm jeals of your thick locks. Beeyotch. ;)

Miss you, woman!

Miss Yvonne said...

I really really wanted to read this whole post, but I couldn't stop staring at that picture. The first one. Not the second one with the creepy doll, because gah!

drollgirl said...

i have fine hair, and LOTS OF IT. i just went to the hairdresser on saturday and for some reason she said, "well you certainly aren't losing any of your hair!!!" that statement gave me a bit of a complex. i asked if she would tell me IF i WAS losing hair, and she said she would. sure! hahahah. hopefully it doesn't come to that. but as my hair gets more and more gray, it will get more and more coarse, and more and more BIG. but i guess that is better than bald.

and i hear you on the single front. what a sad scene it is out there! i had a HORRIFYING experience this weekend, and am kind of throwing in the towel on it all, but hope a good guy will come along eventually. until then, i guess i should start watching hung!

Jennifer said...

Waaaah.....thicker hair!!! Poor baby!!! I'll trade you this thin, fine, flyaway mess on my head ANY DAY!!!!! It doesn't ever frizz....it would have to have some kind of body to it first!!!

dana said...

Oh how I miss my little peace of heaven called Hernando, Florida. We're back home again, in Indiana......where you can SEE and CHEW whatever is in the air! dirt and pollution....I WISH it would get in MY hair. My hair is so baby fine and thin that it air dries in the time it takes me to step out of the shower.

Midlife Jobhunter said...

Yeah, I'm thinking there are hundreds of things to make you feel better. Ode to the hair - if it always looked the same, how boring. New hair everyday - my husband always figured he was sleeping with new stuff.

only a movie said...

Oh, our hair woes...
I have to rent the dvds for Hung. I saw the first one... and forgot about it.

Brian Miller said...

haha. i lived in florida for a few years...i think i was thicker there too..

MiMi said...

My worst nightmare is that my hair will fall out. I have decently thick, not real thick, but enough and it's fine too. FINE fine. I hate it.
So, yeah, besided going bald I am afraid that ginormous spiders ala Harry Potter will get me.

Vic said...

We went to the Bahamas on our honeymoon, during hurricane season. Because we are bright people.

Unfortunately I got my hair braided in corn rows, realized it was agonizingly painful, and yanked them out. This left me with a HUGE frizzy afro for the rest of the week. Huge.

I hate humidity. I concur with flat irons as a solution. It's either that or the clippers.

Jodie Kash said...

First timer, be gentle.

I also have the "thick and fine" and don’t get how a nourishing, quenching dew drop of humidity can invade each hair shaft and explode them, like dynamite in a coalmine.

Oh, a big rub of Moroccan Oil before you blow out and after you iron will get you Marcia Brady shiny and flat.

Pearl said...

My hair, too, predicts the weather.

It's a gift, really.

Pearl

Captain Dumbass said...

Pony tails are hawt.

otin said...

My hair has gotten thin enough that they could slalom ski race around my follicles! haha

Bernie said...

Well, I came but will have to read on to get some answers to my questions.

Talk at you later

Ruth said...

I relate to this BIG [HAIR] TIME. I've lost some of mine in my aging, but the frizz is making me crazy. I could never, ever live in Florida.

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

The grass is always greener. I hate my thin fine hair. I always look like a street rat. No body. No control. I've given up and decided "unkempt" is in.

Liberality said...

Do women REALLY iron their hair???

injaynesworld said...

Oh, no! Not the frizzies. Have you tried Moroccan Oil? You just put a little on wet hair, kind of just running your hands down the sides and back and it makes your hair really smooth. Of course, I don't live in a humid climate, but what the hell. It's worth a shot.

Other than that I hope you're finding your new adventure to be a good one.