July 30, 2010

Effin' Black Cloud

Swear to god I have an effin' black cloud hanging over me. Effin' being my chosen focus today, since that black cloud part (heavy with vehicular and computer cumulonimbus) mostly just makes me cry crazy.

Quick interjection of disclaimer:  He-Who-Put-Effin'-in-the-Dictionary (my beloved pops), says I should refrain from using the "eff" word on my blog so as not to turn off my readers. But really, if my effin' language isn't controversial enough to turn off some of my readers, I'm probably not trying hard enough, right?
Wordle: Effin
So here is my Fragrant Liar take on this beloved of cuss words (usage here in deference to Daddy-O), including two valuable effin' rules that apply to all ages, but primarily those over 18 or who can run really fast from the 'rents brandishing bar soap (Good luck with that there deterrent, pappy):

Effin' is a word that, when used properly, makes me smile because I know the user is that passionate. But properly is the operative caveat, meaning (1) effin' must be used in its native form and (2) effin' must modify something of gravitas, like the aforementioned black cloud.

Effin', in its native form, foreshadows the really bad, messy, majorly serious shit to follow. It makes me get behind your cause/rant/hullaballoo and say, "YEAH! Oh hell to the yeah!"

Effin', in its prettified-minimized-bastardized form, just leaves the concept that it's modifying, well, limp. Flaccid. Impotent. Frankly, it gives me enough pause to say, "Yeah . . . no, you may as well not even drag that effin' thing out cuz it shows you don't really mean it, you're not committed, or you respect total strangers way too much to say what you really feel."

Therefore, the real Fragrant Liar wishes to rephrase the earlier premise of this post:  I have a fucking black cloud with my name on it—all for another post, another day.
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41 comments:

McGillicutty said...

A-effin-men.... are we allowed to say that????????? who effin cares!!!

Pat said...

From what I heard, even fucking black clouds have silver linings. So there's that!

Kristina P. said...

I don't say the F word in it's pure form, but I do say "Eff" and "Effing" a lot. It's probably not all that much better.

Pseudo said...

There's a place for the word "effin" and a place for the word "fuckin" and they both belong on worthy blogs. I'm happy to see you use both so well ; -)

Travis Erwin said...

Eff yeah!

Lisa said...

No black clouds for my friends. Fucking or otherwise!

bunny said...

Eff yeah!

tootles,
bunny

Pearl said...

I remember when the eff word was the King of Swears. :-) Now I hear people yell it at their kids.

We need a new swear word. Something with pizazz. We should meet, work on this...

Pearl

Life with Kaishon said...

I think Effin is a great word! I say Freaking all the time. My mom gets mad at me. She isn't a fan of cursing at all. Thank goodness I am 34 and can say freakin' whenever I want. Just don't tell my mom : )

Eva Gallant said...

I use the F word in it's true form too often in real life. I do try to avoid it on my blog, so as not to offend, unless there's just no other way to say it! lol

creative kerfuffle said...

i have always been partial to fuck in all its forms. i throw it around a lot on my blog. i refrain from using it around my kids, but when i am in the right situation with adults i let it fly. it is a powerful word. plus, i figure if i can't say it i can't do it...and that would be effin' nuts.

Hilary said...

Perfect!

flutter said...

my effin butt itches. Wait, was that too much?

Linda in New Mexico said...

Hubbers wanted me to give you a language lesson. Fuck....to plant from the Olde English. So if you are a fucking farmer you are in process. If you however are a fucking loser.....well you get it. As a high school baseball coach to farmer's kids in NE...his team's rallying cry was "Plant it"... TA DA.
And as to your effin....I am sure your Dad is effin proud of you cuz I sure am. Couldn't be more proud of your choice of rants unless I planted it myself. luv you oh mouthy one.

Breathe said...

It's friggin' (the in house version of effin) black clouding over here too.

One more disaster and I'm packing it all up and moving to Florida with you.

TechnoBabe said...

Even though you are short and cute, you are tough and I know you can kick that black cloud in the butt any time you want.

NK said...

'Cumulonimbus' oh I like this word.

TomCat said...

Your comment at Lisa's place inspired my curiosity. Could it be that too much emasculated effin' instead or the real word eliminated the need for a condom? ;-)

True Blue Texan said...

Life would be boring if you stayed away from controversy all the time. Bring it on!

secret agent woman said...

I'll say freaking or frigging, but sometimes only the word fucking will do. And I so dislike the coyness of "the F-word" that I call it "the fuck-word."

ellen abbott said...

So if it's hanging over you, that must mean it's moved on from me because it's been parked over my house for a fucking month.

slommler said...

So sorry that the fucking black cloud has or is visiting you. And in the memo I sent earlier...don't send it my way!
Hugging you
SueAnn

Brian Miller said...

i need some more effin apparently...

Lori said...

Damn effing dark clouds! I totally get this post...I am sorry that you are in this yucky place right now...I send you hugs and love and prayers that you kick the ass out of those dark clouds and tell them the effing where to go!

I tend to use fricken or friggen also...maybe a little more than I realize cause a couple of weeks ago when we were sitting around the fire early one evening and some young neighbors started letting off fire crackers one after another and my little lady screamed, "That was fricken awesome!"

Juli Ryan said...

I always feel a bit naughty when I use the F word on my blog. Because even though I am now middle aged, my parents read my blog, and I don't want to get in trouble.

Bella said...

you've seen the fuckin' f word video haven't you?

http://www.funlol.com/586/History_of_the_F_Word!.html

say it loud, say it proud!

injaynesworld said...

I always say, "As a writer, if you're not offending someone you're not doing your job."

Hope that effin' black cloud disappears soon.

Suzy said...

I hate the word effin, freaking, fricking and every other substitute for the real thing.

It's like people can't make a commitment to being pissed off.

And if you lose even 20 readers from using 'fuck' know they were not good people to begin with.

drollgirl said...

LONG LIVE THE F WORD! and if anyone is offended by the use of it on a blog, FUCK 'EM!

drollgirl said...

and i hope that black cloud leaves you real soon!!!

Gaston Studio said...

Like Suzy, I use the real word becuz when I need to use it, I'm TOTALLY committed to getting my point across.

Black clouds, huh? We've all had them but fortunately, they do eventually drift away.

Vegas Linda Lou said...

Yes, Liar Girl--I'm with you. It's a fan-fucking-tastic word! Lately I've been trying to stay away from it, ever since my 11-year-old grandson started reading my blog. There goes all the crazy sex posts, too. Oh, wait...

dana said...

I am the walking victim of a fucking black cloud that not only follows me around, but it calls me by name and has me on re-dial.

I'm not exaggerating,given the fact that I've spent the last four months starting at the wall and feeling discouraged. In fact, I wrote about it today, finally coming OUT with it instead of staying silent.

DO IT. It won't hurt and might help.

Jason, as himself said...

Oh geez! Flaccid? I will never say effin again!

mac said...

The word fuck has so much charisma !

Power, too. I carries more weight than its many euphamisms.
For example:
"Leave me the eff alone" doesn't sound serious at all. But subsitute Fuck for eff, they get your meaning clearly.

Or, suppose you have met that special guy (I can still dream?) and it seems that intimacy is imminent, what might sound more appropriate at the moment, (whispered) "Oh, ____, fornicate with me now" OR "Fuck ME!" ?

California Girl said...

"...you're not committed..." if you say "effin" instead of "fucking". Well, I never say "effin" so I must be committed.

only a movie said...

The eff word is my favorite. Hope the clouds get lighter.

Jennifer said...

Oh no, my dear, the effin' black cloud is hanging over MY house!!! Fucking stupid cloud!

Alexia said...

Dude, I'll be honest- I'm LESS likely to comment on people's blogs if they DO use the word 'eff'. Swear like a real man.. or woman. I am a woman. I do swear like a man sometimes though. Bygones.

Christine Macdonald said...

I've effing missed you.

Great post!

Fay's Too said...

You are hoot. And I say that in sincere appreciation of hootdom!