French Lick

I don't understand why it's important for a dog to kiss you (or more succinctly, lick you) right IN the mouth.

Yes, I do have a dog to keep me company. A 9-ish-year-old husky-shepherd mix named Max who gets quite amused at my commando romping. Or maybe he's just wagging that tail in anticipation of any ice cream that drops so he can slurp it up. He is definitely a fan of Rocky Road and Yanni, but frankly I think he prefers Pralines and Cream with a rockin' dose of Daughtry. So, just for Max, I switch off according to my mood. It's the difference between my affinity for flowing dark hair on a man versus completely bald and bad-boy sexy, both of which are integral to a man's do-ability quotient, and therefore infinitely important. There, I said it.

Max was my sister's dog. Since my sister passed 20 months ago, Max has been making the rounds with family. We all love him, though we all have very busy and sometimes chaotic lives that make living with a bigger dog more difficult. He is now my companion for awhile.

But Max likes me a little too much sometimes, as evidenced by his attempts to not only kiss me on the mouth French style, but also to climb his big ass onto the couch to sit on my lap, sniff at my heels from room to room, and, naturally, to shove his nose in my crotch.

Why? WHY do dogs do this? And do I want to know?

Sitting out by the pool this morning, Max came up beside me. As I turned and said hello, he stuck his tongue in my mouth.

Ick! Ew!

I have dumped guys—some I haven't even dated yet—for that very thing.

Max then let his tongue hang out, panted a few beats, and laid his head on my lap. Like, Ain't no thang, baby.

Suddenly it occurred to me that I may, in fact, have all the man I need—without those annoying fights over True Blood, jaunts with the boys to Hooters, and immature chuckling over farting in public. I admit, not many men like those traits in a girl. Max, he's just happy to be with me.

If only he could afford me.
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