April 5, 2010

A Senior Moment

Sunday on the way to the airport, my parents and I stopped at Denny’s for breakfast. The back of the menu was the “Senior Menu,” featuring smaller portions specifically for all those tight-wad 55+ peeps regulating their diets. (By the way, aren’t seniors considered to be 65 and over? Why are they pushing me?)

Since a 3-egg omelette from the regular “youthful people” menu seemed too much for me, I thought I’d sneak in an order for the 2-egg omelette off the Senior Menu. I was in the vacation mindset of "Hey, just try and stop me. I want what I want." Ya know?

So I threw it down. And our waitress kept writing and said, “Okay. And for your sides?”

*Blaring, rip-roaring record scratch!*

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Smack the foul buzzer! WTF happened to “May I see your ID please?” What about “I’m sorry, youngun, but that menu is for seniors only!?” No “Are you kidding me? You can’t POSSIBLY be a senior!?”

Again I say, WTF? Talk about your Grand Slam! Why, I oughtta . . .

Next thing, she’ll be remarking all innocent-like, “You two could pass for sisters!” While my mother is absolutely beautiful, she’s SEVENTY-FIVE! And I am . . . YOUNGER!

But no, this waitress wench, with nary a faint glimmer of customer service skills, was more concerned about side dishes. Why, in the sheer insanity of the moment, I forgot what toast was!

With her beady eyes boring into me, I felt like taking my teeth out and spitting them at her! Naturally, I don’t actually have dentures, but my Dad would have let me borrow his. Probably.
.

51 comments:

Terry said...

It's just amazing when we realize we aren't getting any younger, huh? What's more amazing is that people won't play the game OUR way!!

Christine Macdonald said...

I feel the same way when purchasing wine at the grocery store. They don't even look at me. I guess my gray roots speak for themselves.

F*ckers.

Kristina P. said...

I hope you didn't leave her a tip! How rude!

MiMi said...

What?! I totally got right at the very beginning that she totally dissed you! Smack her.

Hilary said...

Wow.. I'll bet you wet your Depends. ;)

Kim said...

You are so funny!!

Murr Brewster said...

I don't care how old people think I am as long as I get to remain topside. I used to tell people I was much older than I am when they asked just to hear them say how good I looked (seriously, where's the percentage in pretending you're ten years younger and just look like hell?). That all stopped when I told some twenty-year-old that I was fully twenty years older than I am, and instead of reciting her lines, she just said "oh" and wandered off. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

drollgirl said...

let's just say there is a reason that lady is a waitress at denny's. and, yes, that is a cheap shot! :)

i think you look fab, so there. :)

Me....bunny said...

Yeah...it's like a slap in the face.
When I recently asked my 16 year old daughter how old someone was her response was,"Oh, I don't know...old I guess, about 45ish".

My response, "You do realize I'm 53 right? and you just called me old"..

her response.."Yeah!"

Daym!! from my own kid.

bunny

morethananelectrician said...

Denny's should not try to get into the "smaller portion" world. It isn't what they do. Who wants two pieces of bacon?

It's Denny's!!!!

We don't ask for a salad from Dairy Queen...do we?

Mrsblogalot said...

I wanted to kill the first person who didn't card me! and the second ...and the third...well you get the picture. I'm an angry getting old ass.

mac said...

You should have slapped that BITCH!

There's no way in Hell you can eat off the Senior Menu legally.

When I was 16, with a full mustache, I could go to about any local bar and drink a cold one with no problems (yes, my pimple cleared up by then too).
I was 22 until I was actually 23, or I always told everyone I was 22.

Looking back, that may have not such a great thing. I needed to stop drinking by 26, I was an 'expert' by then ;-)
(seriously, I'm a de-hydrated asshole, just add alcohol)

Now, I want to tell folks I'm 22 again...but no one is buying it. I think the gray whiskers might give me away? I've had them for nearly 20 years, maybe there is still a kid's face ubder there :-)

Pat said...

Don't kid yourself. She knew EXACTLY what she was doing - just trying to put a young whippersnapper in. You know the first thing to go on old people - their sense of humor. I oughta know - I'll be 55 in October. But I'm fighting it every step of the way!

Great post. I grinned from ear to ear!

Pat said...

Maybe I should try that again and right a COHERENT sentence this time.

Don't kid yourself. She knew EXACTLY what she was doing - just trying to put a young whippersnapper in HER PLACE. You know the first thing to go on old people - their sense of humor. I oughta know - I'll be 55 in October. But I'm fighting it every step of the way!

Great post. I grinned from ear to ear!

Homemaker Man said...

Good post. What I do is, in any carding/id necessary situation, I always have my id out and then I give it to them before they can ask. Then when they look at me like I'm a moron I say "I know, I can't believe it either. I look really good."

Megs said...

I had a total conniption fit the first time one of the twelve year olds at the checkout line in the grocery store called me "Ma'am."

Ma'am!

Irish Gumbo said...

"Yeah, hon...sisters born at the opposite ends of an 18 kid family!"

You should have ordered the Grand Slam and then punched her :)

I can't believe they would treat a 35 year old woman that way (grin)

Smart Mouth Broad said...

Wait, does this mean you were in Ocala while I was in Gainesville and we didn't meet? Damn!

Snappy Di said...

At our favorite pizza place just down the street where we have eaten pizza every Friday night for a year now, they I.D. everyone who orders beer. Hubby is 59 and I am 56. Do we REALLY look to young to be drinking beer. NO! Some rules at restaurants are nothing other than just plain stupid. They I.D. Hubby every week. GAH... give me a break!

Di

Eva Gallant said...

Welcome to AARP! (American Association of Retired Persons). lol!

phd in yogurtry said...

Denny's needs to devise a MAM - Middle Aged Menu.

Red Shoes said...

I have an older sister... old enough to be my mother... I take her to dinner several times a week... and she's always telling me that I should dye my hair the same color as hers... and she always asks for the Sr Citizen Discount... blerk...

~shoes~

powdergirl said...

Silly, she was just scared to start an argument with you.
She knew you were waaaaay 'underage', she just also knew you'd cut her with your rapier sharp wit if she tried to bust you.

If you'd have ordered a glass of wine though(always appropriate at breakfast) she'd have had to have said something.

25BAR said...

eat what you enjoy. enjoy what you eat. live to eat.

Vegas Linda Lou said...

Oh, the nerve! But I'll bet you anything, you still left a good tip. I have a feeling you're a good tipper no matter what.

Frau said...

lol! your payback is the tip! Don't be surprised if you receive your AARP card in the mail next week.

mo.stoneskin said...

You should have whipped out hose dentures and whacked her over the head. That would have shown her.

ellen abbott said...

Careful what you wish for.

foxy said...

Dude, what the HELL?? Someone needs to inform that girl that you need to ask for ID from the seniors! You most definitely look too young for that!

carma said...

did you per chance have one of those "Senior Discount" trucker hats that they advertise on the back of Parade magazine??? (just tryin' to help you out here, 'ole lady ;-)

steelxmagnolia said...

Hell, I'd be thrilled if they counted us in the Medicare rolls, the movie discounts, you name it. But nooooooooooo. It's just an insult. Cheers!

Danica said...

LMAO!!! I'd have been right there laughing with your dad. Guess it proves we ain't gettin any younger. LOL

TechnoBabe said...

You really are funny. No, more like hilarious. I was so excited when I hit 55 and could do the Denny's senior menu, my friends thought I was nuts. So, how was the omelet? There is only one Denny's around here and it is about 20 miles away!

Brian Miller said...

dont give in...its all part of the brain washing...stay young!

Tracie said...

I still get mad when they "m'aam" me. Some old dude who was searching bags at Disney made my day when he called me Princess. I was in such a good mood Hubs thought he was going to get lucky that night.

Joker_SATX said...

This one is easy to overcome...you just subtract the difference between your age and the actual age of "senority" from the tip!

fingers said...

Hey, I've been going to the same barber for twenty-five years and until today he's never offered to trim my eyebrows.
Death, bring it...

Nancy said...

I keep throwing the AARP mail in the garbage. How dare they!

Alix said...

*Blaring, rip-roaring record scratch!*

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Smack the foul buzzer! WTF happened to “May I see your ID please?” What about “I’m sorry, youngun, but that menu is for seniors only!?” No “Are you kidding me? You can’t POSSIBLY be a senior!?”



ohmyfreaking GOD!

Your funny meter just blew up. Seriously. I rolled.

Linda in New Mexico said...

OMG, do you see the line of your fans lining up to tell you how wonderfuly entertaining and delightfuly funny you is? number 41, geeezzzzz, I don't even have that many people in my life ya'll. It only shows how too too you really are and it is fabulous.
BTW: Happy Sisterfriend's Day, my hilarious sista. (((hugs))) until next time

Midlife Mama said...

OMG isn't that the way it always is?? When you're younger you want to look older so no one will card you. Then you get into your 30s and you WISH someone would card you. Then you get to be our age and you wish they would at least PRETEND to look surprised when you order off the senior menu. *sigh* What I hate is when I go through the checkstand and there's this big ol' sign that says "If you look under 35 years old expect to be carded" and the blasted checker who looks like he's been shaving for MAYBE a year doesn't even look at you when you buy liquor??? Sooo wrong. so so wrong.

Gropius said...

Smartass waitstaff seem plentiful these days. Sometimes I can muster enough energy to find it hilarious but most of the time, I'm thinking about how I'm paying to be treated respectfully. Leave me alone & please just help me out with my order!

Jeanie said...

Surely she was just playin' ya. I have, sadly but fortunately, reached an age where I will take my discounts where I can get them.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

You made this so much fun. I had some clerk ask me if I wanted a senior discount awhile back. At the time, I didn't think it was very funny.

midlifeslices said...

You should have told her you were a plant posing as a senior to see if she'd check your i.d. and since she didn't.....she was in BIG trouble! Then walked out with a big smile on your face leaving her wondering if it was true or not.

bernthis said...

I bought wine the other day and was not asked for my license. I was devastated.

Carol@ Writers Porch/ Book House said...

Hi! Came over from Midlife JH blog.
Great blog! I love Denny's breakfast but the nearest one to me is 90 mles away. Maybe the woman was having a bad day, it happens to everyone and working in the public these days is not easy.
Drollgirl's comment is a cheap shot! There Is NOTHING WRONG with working as a waitress at Denny's!

Bella said...

I would have accidentally on purpose bitchslapped her with some orange juice and I'd be aiming!

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Yes, I really don't get the appropriate reaction when I say I have a 25-year old daughter (who is actually my niece, but, long story). Where's the "You look WAY too old to have a daughter that age."

Que said...

HA!!! You said record! Most of the people that read my blog wouldn't even know what that is. I would have to explain it to all 3 of 'em.

The Empress said...

I still cannot get over the fact that I'm not carded anymore.

Cannot.

Love your blog!! Hysterical.