May 22, 2011

Nopocalypse Now!

Cue Marlon Brando, hissing in the shadows: The horror! The horror!

Not.

I don't know about you, but the whole Rapture non-event was more like the Napture. Think the Universe's lackey hit the snooze button. And I was really hoping to see fireworks of epic proportions because, as you know, my life is in serious need of roman candles, whistling snakes, and bottle rockets; and damn if the most exciting thing I did all weekend was shave my legs.

Oh wait, no, I did not shave my legs. Not really a need...

My friend George thinks we need t-shirts that say, "I survived the Nopocalypse of 2011" so I'm having some made up.

Who knows. Maybe we'll have really bad better luck in December, 2012. I'm totally not even buying Christmas presents next year, just in case some nut job is actually right about the Earth losing its shorts because of the big fat cookie jar of sins we've accumulated as a society for the last several thousand years. (And you thought it was just because of those modern hedonistic liberals.) I'd venture that a full century of random fornicating in the back seats of parked cars has been the most blatantly egregious of sins, along with the second coming of gladiator porn and Twilight worship, and likely the entire cause of the planetary F.U. to all us beings with so-called advanced brains.

Oh well. I'm giving this year's Napture a thumbs down for apocalyptic failure. In case you were wondering.
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21 comments:

That Janie Girl said...

I didn't even know about all this until - it didn't happen. I've got to stay more informed!

AirmanMom said...

The 'Pastor of Prediction' is nowhere to be found. Go figure!
~AM

slommler said...

Ha! It was rather boring though I do feel sorry for those that followed along like little lost sheep. Can't they read??? Sheesh!!
Hugs
SueAnn

Bagman and Butler said...

Between the flu, the children's flu, the grandchildren's flu, humidity, bugs, and the omnipresent honey-do list, I was actually a bit disappointed to wake up and find I had to keep going.

TechnoBabe said...

Big fat cookie jar of sins, huh? Like that, except in my case it must be overflowing into the back yard. I would have been left behind anyway.

Steve E said...

You are a very swift and funny Peep! I may cut out coffee every few daze and read your blog instead! A pleasure, and some thoughtfulness also!

Glad you stopped by, so I could come here!

Eva Gallant said...

How is it that I missed all this fornicating in cars????

Red Shoes said...

I was really bummed... I thought they were saying 'The Day Of The Raptor'... Hell, I even wrote about it... I was hoping to see lil dinosaurs EVERYWHERE!!!!

It would have been even better had the lil dinosaurs being wearing gaudy cowboy boots...

~shoes~

Joker_SATX said...

Actually, the Bible says that the world will come to an end on December 21,2011.

The Rapture we all experienced is where God zaps all of the good souls up to heaven to be spared the end of days.

Which to me doesn't really make sense because then that would mean that all the babies born today are fucked...all the ones born on December 20th are really Fucked.

So yeah, your T-shirt would be a welcomed edition....

injaynesworld said...

I could not believe all the hoopla about this. I'm with you. Press the snooze button.

mac said...

Maybe it did happen. There's just none worthy of rapturing ?

Brian Miller said...

major fail...i guess i will be eating all the ramen noodles and dried meats i stored up just in case i got left...or maybe we all did except those tribes we have not made contact with yet to contaminate...drat!

meleah rebeccah said...

"My friend George thinks we need t-shirts that say, "I survived the Nopocalypse of 2011" so I'm having some made up."

Um... I totally want that t-shirt!

daisyfae said...

i'm pretty pissed off. i had picked out my new house, and was hoping the folks who currently live there would be chosen. really wanted to spend those five months of hellfire and damnation in that really sweet in-ground pool they have...

Irish Gumbo said...

The horror, the hor---, oh, f**k me, never mind.

Say, about all that fornicating in the back of parked cars...how did I miss out on that? Not fair...;)

rory said...

Napture? Nopocalypse?
Fucking love it.
You rock.

Michelle Wells Grant said...

I know, disappointing isn't it? Now I gotta do all the shit on my to-do list that I thought I was going to ditch.

secret agent woman said...

I kind of enjoyed the whole mockery aspect of it all.

Watercolor said...

You know all those people in the bright green t-shirts were saying that night, "dude, the shirt was free, that's why I have it, really." How awkward. lol

Stafford Ray said...

Hey you guys, it did happen. You just can't see the difference because there were so few worthy souls to collect! and I haven't seen one religious pest at my door since, which suggests they were beamed up, thank god!

MikeWJ said...

Napture. Brilliant. Why didn't I think of that?