August 1, 2011

Shopping with Roomie

My roomie, Loops, is truly what a great friend should be—like a sister. I can pretty much tell her anything—and I have—and I know she won't sit in judgment. We have more fun together than ought to be legal sometimes and, fortunately, her awesome husband is completely cool with that.

So this afternoon, after pool time, we're at the grocery store. I send her on a mission to secure a cucumber for the salad I'm going to make for our regular True Blood Sunday feast. She finds one, holds it high, and YELLS to me across the produce aisles. "Koko! Is this big enough for you?"

I squint to see, which is unnecessary because people can see zeppelins right there from the bleachers. I think, I've never seen a cucumber with that sort of girth, and I imagine her firing it into the air while I go long behind the peaches.

"That'll do," I say, motioning her over. "Let me have a better look." It's important to examine produce before you buy it. I mean, sometimes vegetables that are too large are not juicy and tasty enough, so, you know, I have to be sure.

Image is larger than it appears,
and it is HUGE.
Loops brings it to me—all proud—and shakes it in front of my face, but she won't hand it over.

"Oh really?" I say, plus superlative words reserved for shock and awe. "That big boy's mine. For my salad."

It quickly becomes a tug-of-war. I grab one end, she has the other. We are engrossed in the behemoth produce for a few minutes, till we notice the old guy sneering his disapproval while maneuvering his cart around us.

You know that only inspires us to be troublemakers, right? Because that's appropriate in a grocery store. But never fear, civilized people, and my mother, we mature within minutes, right after we sheathe the prize. For safety reasons.

Surely, this needs no caption.
But Loops has it in for me, snapping photos whenever I pick up something ripe for innuendo. In most aisles, we are giggly tweens.

Here are just a few highlights from our shopping excursion that are safe to post.
Like I'm not going to share the Rodney!
No! You cannot steal my mojo.

A little light reading for later. But I can't choose just one!

















Woot! HEBuddy Bucks50 points for Koko! 
Let's just say Camera Girl spun the wheel for ONE point.
And then there's the payback thingy. You do it like this:  When Loops isn't looking, open the hummus and have a taste (mmm, good); then put the lid back on, align it with groceries that need to be put away, and wait for Loops to discover it.

"Oh my god! Look at this!" Loops shouts. "Oh my god!"

I screw up my face. "That's . . . ew!"

At her husband, she shoves the tub of hummus and shrieks, "Did you do this?"

Husband says no, makes grunts of extreme disgust. Loops has quite the little freak-out over grocery store etiquette and uncivilized shoppers, which is kind of . . . well, totally satisfying.

In a sisterly kind of way.
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28 comments:

Brian Miller said...

haha...sounds like a blast to me...grocery shopping needs fun...it usually makes me cringe

daisyfae said...

if i had a partner in crime, i could almost have fun in a grocery store! like your 'hummus abuse' prank. will be swiping that one!

That Janie Girl said...

Toooo much fun! Y'all are cwazy!!

Eva Gallant said...

What a fun post! did that cucumber make it to the salad?

The Mommy Therapy said...

I don't think I have ever had this much fun at a grocery store, I'm a little jealous. I should start taking my friends shopping, my three kids never elicit this type of fun! :)

Gaelyn said...

This makes grocery shopping more tolerable. I love it!

Pat said...

I'm relieved. I thought I was the only one who feels up a cucumber (and enjoys it) before buying it.

Funny post!

Kristina P. said...

Ha! I need to have a phallic grocery store trip.

powdergirl said...

Ack! So last week I'm in the produce department, I'm looking for the perfect cuke for my salad, old guy(my age), hairy, stinky and wearing a neon tie-dyed wife-beater, leers over at me and asks in a smarmy voice, " that one big enough for ya, sweetie"? And he WINKED and jiggled his wiry eye-brows at me! FFS! I would prefer to have my lewd conversations about produce with you and your roomie, cause from THAT GUY? It was just gross.

Wow, that was awkward said...

I spend a lot of time fondling the melons. It is important to get two that are the same size and shape.

meleah rebeccah said...

you and Loops are a riot!! And that cucumber? Holy gigantic! I've never had that much fun food shopping.

SuzRocks said...

I regularly take bites out of newly bought grocery items, and just put them back all neat like so whoever opens them next finds a chunk missing from the french bread loaf.

We must have MICE!

Linda Medrano said...

How fun! I usually go to the market alone, and my husband would never go along with me if I mis-behaved. I need a girl to shop with! I forgot how much fun it can be!

Breathe said...

I am so not going to whole foods with you.

:)

How was the hummus?

Twenty Four At Heart said...

Nothing beats a big, wide in girth, firm, cucumber.

Hilary said...

Ha.. everyone should have that kind of a friend. Maturity is so overrated. ;) Fun post, FL. :)

Candice said...

I want to go grocery shopping with you!

I spend my time cursing and growling at obese people crusing in their hover rounds.

Curmudgeon said...

wow. Between you and murr I feel like a loser writer. I'll keep coming back to read

Midlife Jobhunter said...

I haven't had that much fun at the grocery store in a very long time.

Jocelyn said...

I'm pretty sure they need a "clean-up on Aisle 8" after you two are done.

De Campo said...

I hope you wrapped that in plastic.

♥ Braja said...

That's it. I'm DEFINITELY making sure we get together when I'm in the US next time. I am still aquamarine-outfit oriented. I never forget. I take time. But I don't forget.....

Vodka Mom said...

i can't decide if I want to chat about the CUCUMBER or the hummus.




we are loving hummus over here right about now.......

Irish Gumbo said...

I like the way you handle cucumbers and sausage.

Rathnashikamani said...

Great pics!

Eternally Distracted said...

and who said shopping was boring!!

Consciously Sedated said...

I want to go shopping with you!

♥ Braja said...

i'm just glad you didn't say "ramble." Jesus. H.....