January 4, 2012

Epiphanies and Equations, Or Why I Feel a Trip to the Beach Coming On

2012 has begun, and I have failed to spout forth a resolution. I am the equivalent of an algebraic equation: unresolved. In my defense, I am not a fan of math—unless it's one plus one equals an incredible afternoon of delight.

While having lunch with my BFF—the absolute smartest person I know, besides me* (obviously), I enjoyed two epiphanies. Actually, I didn't enjoy them so much as I was unhinged by them. And since BFF also serves as my personal GPS (Global Perspective Sister), her trademark poignant line of questioning assured that I would locate my epiphanies somewhere over Pollo Enchiladas and Fish Tacos. When last we found me there, I was crying into a bottle of cerveza and pondering the mating habits of sand crabs, where I left my cover-up, and why zinc oxide can't just be clear.

Okay, so . . . Epiphany One. Apparently, a person can have a few too many loose ends in her life, and the preponderance of said loose ends can make a normally together person feel all sorts of unresolved and, well, icky. Math wiz that I am, the equation looks like this: Too many loose ends = too many variables = overwhelm = risk aversion = a disturbing bout of inertia. Sure, I oversimplified, but who can function with that kind of resistance?

Epiphany Two. My discombobulation, heretofore known as Epiphany One, is a major buzz kill equivalent to, say, a borborygmic pressure cooker. Yeah. Quiz later. Anywho, no avoiding it. Before you can make a resolution you'll keep, you have to be clear on your shit. You have to know what you can and can't live without, what you have control of and what you don't, what will make you the happiest, what you're willing to walk away from, and what will take care of itself. Plus, how many carbs are in a slice of margherita pizza—or the whole thing with maybe some pineapple. Or more precisely, would I benefit from a nice getaway in the sun, sand, and surf instead of thinking so hard? These are things I must get to the bottom of.

In summary, time to shore up my loose ends so I can really enjoy my next big adventure with a clear conscience, a joyful heart, and a renewed zest for life. Who knows, 2012 could be my best, brightest, biggest year ever. Maybe it will even be Apocalyptic. Hey, I think I'm having another epiphany.
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* and HSM, but I'm not telling him that cuz, well, there are only so many kudos you can freely bestow upon a Hot Sexy Man before he reminds you about them, like when he posits how you can be Mensa material one minute and a laughable 12-year-old the next. Clearly, I'm not a 12-year-old (I know you are, but what am I?); I'm just flexible (that's what HE said!) on an intellectual level.

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26 comments:

Lisa Golden said...

How about a new rule that says whenever you have an epiphany, you get a beach vacation?

Eva Gallant said...

If must say something about my upbringing that when you write epiphany, I thank of candles and church services, in Latin.

Pearl said...

If epiphanies equal beach vacation -- and seriously, I think Lisa's on to something here -- then I will be first amongst the introspective!

Pearl

Cynthia L. H. said...

Mmmm ... on my way to some fish tacos in search of my own epiphany. Maybe I'll find a beach, too.

;^)

(Happy New Year, Ya'll, anyway!)

;^D

Linda Medrano said...

Pass the tequila, Honey. I need some epiphany experiences too. Just don't give me the worm.

injaynesworld said...

You're definitely thinking too hard. Be sure and take Jose Cuervo to the beach with you. I've had many epiphanies in his company.

Red Shoes said...

In the world of "Cause And Effect" relationships, I say go to the beach, have a blast, and have your reason for needing to go come to you while sitting and enjoying yourself!

Happy New Year!

~shoes~

♥ Braja said...

Oh look the pretty picture starts with F for fragrant.

Oh wait that's an equation

Oh wait wtf is an equation....

Gaelyn said...

I vote for the beach.
Can still hear Costa Rica calling my name.

Brian Miller said...

tie those things up and get to the beach for sure...

lol eva...i know that one too...

daisyfae said...

beach. no better place to bury the loose ends.

eventually some old dude wearing socks and sandals, and carrying a metal-detector will find them and it will make his day.

powdergirl said...

Coupla barefoot walks in the sand always tighten up those loose ends. Or am I topically confused again?

mac said...

Epiphanies, huh?


I had breakfast there once. Wait, that's just song. Nevermind.


I don't do resolutions because I know I won't keep them. That makes it a lie, and I hate lying to myself.

Christine Macdonald said...

You and me both, sister. Cheers to new beginnings. xxoo

SassyModernMom said...

Epihanies are alomst always great things...I wish you all the best for 2012!! Big beautiful things! Big:)

Vegas Linda Lou said...

Beach. Definitely the beach. Hope 2012 is a fantastic year for you! XOXO

Murr Brewster said...

I had two epiphanies on the beach once, but time and a little bleach took care of it.

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

I know what you mean about loose ends. Some are worth tying up, so you can move on. Some should just be let go - buried in sand sounds like a good way. Plowing through the list and deciding which is which is exhausting, so a vacation is definitely warranted. Resolutions can wait!

Three Hundred Sixty Five said...

You must be a genius:
"Too many loose ends = too many variables = overwhelm = risk aversion = a disturbing bout of inertia"

It explains a lot! Thanks for the epiphany! And Happy New Year as well!

Watercolor said...

Beaches are good for sorting out epiphanies. :)

As for mine, I've decided to get rid of some terribly negative people in my life who constantly bring drama I don't have the energy to deal with and thus sap my peace. I need my brain power for my own drama. haha.

I'm keeping you, though. You are safe. :)

meleah rebeccah said...

I love this post! And you! Happy 2012. This year is going to be awesome.

Midlife Jobhunter said...

Resolutions? Loose ends? Beaches?

Lets just go to the beach.

Anonymous said...

Your equation resolves to:
z^x = 1
So x must equal 0 and z can equal anything you like.

Or you can cross your eyes and it says "U Suck".

-w

Pseudo said...

Wishing you a wonderful 2012 Liar, with all loose ends tied up neatly and full sail ahead.

And I have not forgotten our idea of a bloggers get away on Oahu's North Shore. Am planning it as soon as we are done putting kids through college. Have been keeping my eyes open for a big ol' beach house.

Smart Mouth Broad said...

Have I told you lately that I love you?

Smart Mouth Broad said...

Have I told you lately that I love you?