January 15, 2012

Unbridled and Sorta Tacky

I rode a horse today. Not your average horse, mind you, but a white and silver-mottled Percheron—a 2,400-pound draft horse, similar to a Clydesdale. It was like riding a rhino when he's a little sleepy; and I don't mind sayin', having that much power between your thighs is pretty incredible. I mean, not that I'm not used to that sort of thing already. Cuz, naturally, I am.

Now, I know what you're thinking. I look like a little princess up there on my magic unicorn—sorta—straight out of Disney. When in fact, the tall woman with her hand on the big horsey's halter is Donna, owner of Azteca Stables in Canyon Lake. Fooled ya. Hardly a "Giddyup, mighty magical steed!" moment. More like, "Mama, can we go faster?" Still . . . Note, no saddle necessary because, as I might have mentioned, that's a whole lotta horse between my thighs. Plus, I have magic all up in there. Obviously.

Interestingly, this Percheron's name is Kimmie. That alone elevates her to a superior position in the hierarchical chain of life. Natch, therefore, we shared a symbiotic connection—and a good laugh at the expense of lesser beings. (You know who you are.)

So Kimmie's the mare for the big Clyde they call Killian, shown at left with my BFF Winter. Seeing his wife with that big stallion in the palm of her hands, Winter's hubs could only bow in respect and awe. Plus Killian's got big feet, and you know what they say about that. And, well, it's true.

See Killian and Kimmie in the round pen, reducing its size to that of a play pen:



Just for comparison purposes, here's Smoky, a sweet almost-6-year-old. Now that you've seen the big guns in the same vicinity, Smoke looks rather puny, right?

Size doesn't matter to Smoky, though. His youthful ego is unbridled and primal. When the big guns came out of their stables with a certain, shall we say, swagger, little Smoky manned up and showed he wouldn't be intimidated. Here he is below, dropping the stud tack like it's hot (no argument there!), just in case Killian chances to look over while trotting circles in a round pen that hardly contains him. You go, Smoke!

Of course, when Smoky saw me snapping his picture, he got a little embarrassed and reined in the tack. Even primal displayers give pause when the threat of Internet exposure looms.

But I'm telling you, not a whole lotta difference between males of all species when it comes to claiming territory and dropping the tack—or did somebody want to argue that?
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And now here's your moment of zen with this week's creative cuss word combo, thanks to my HSM:

23 comments:

That Janie Girl said...

You make me laugh, girl!

Men and their tack. Ha!

Red Shoes said...

Beautiful animals! Oddly enough, I want to buy some country land and own a couple of mules..

~shoes~

Kristina P. said...

I've only ridden a horse once in my life. Your experience makes me think I need to get back in the saddle!

Pish Posh said...

Lovely animals! Hilarious cuss word too

Eva Gallant said...

You go girl! Riding bareback, even!

Breathe said...

Oh, this is too good.

I'm going to feed those monsters today. Woo hoo!

daisyfae said...

those are some huge horses! but you've given me an idea... rather than lose 50 pounds, i just need to ride around on a gigantic horse to make myself seem smaller!

Liz said...

I totally would need a saddle or me and my clumsy tail would be on the ground!

Gaelyn said...

Bareback is best for the feel of power.

Suzy said...

I LOVE HORSES, NO MATTER THE SIZE. But those big ones were spectacular!

Linda Medrano said...

These horses are gorgeous and spectacular. But I am scared to death of them. That made it difficult when I was married to a cowboy. Impossible, even.

meleah rebeccah said...

I cannot believe you rode that gigantic white horse BAREBACK.

Holy. Hell.

You totally "Rock The Casbah."

Venom said...

Drop the tack?
Love it.

injaynesworld said...

They're magnificent. I've ridden a lot of warmbloods which are draft/thoroughbred crosses. The world never looks better than from the back of a horse.

Stephanie said...

Oh they are so gorgeous...and I have to say I have neer felt that kind of power between my legs:)

Barb said...

Glad Donna took charge of the reins - by the looks of it, you might have been hanging on for dear life otherwise! Which might have been exhilarating to live through. Great chuckles!

Gia said...

Awww these are great horsey pictures!!!! They scare me waaay too much to ride, though.

SueAnn said...

That Percheron is totally gorgeous!! Wowzers!!
That is a lot of power between your legs!!
Yes men do tend to drop their tack at every turn!!
Scratch and spit...yes they do!
Ha!
Hugs
SueAnn

Brahm (alfred lives here) said...

Size doesnt matter... Bubba Lover... ha ha ha, great stuff!
And totally gorgeous horses by the way, am totally jealous!

Lisa Golden said...

Bubba Luber! I'm going to be inserting that phrase into my next conversation.

You look so tiny sitting on the massive horse. They really are beautiful animals.

Shrinky said...

Either your middle name is Thumbelina, or that is one giant Goliath of a horse - wow, forget steps, you must've been hoisted on a cherry-picker to mount that beauty! Um, hate to get delicate here, but surely you rode him permanently in the position of "doing the splits"? (Yeowch..)

drollgirl said...

that horse is MAMMOTH!!!! just huge!

i don't have any interest in riding horses (yes, i am a chickenshit), but i sure would like to pet them and brush them!

Pat said...

You are VERY BRAVE to be up on such a large horse!

I thought I was the only one who takes photos of horses with hard-ons. :)

I think we'd get along great if we ever met!