September 21, 2009

Honeysuckle

There are consequences
for shutting down,
for closing off.
The moment you open up again,
fractionally,
to acknowledge your loneliness,
to give yourself permission to let in someone new,
to love again . . .
That's the moment
your past confronts you,
cascades over you
in icy, whitecapped rapids,
And you don't even know
you can't
stop
the incessant
pummeling
resurfacing
reshaping
of your mossy, roughened edges.

Now I've found you,
allowed you one step forward,
turned you around,
sent you away,
pulled you back in curious,
tentative,
desirous,
defiant,
untrustable gestures that belied my turmoil.
Yet more and more
I want to open up to you
like honeysuckle.
Orange, vibrant, pliable.
Thriving from my honeybee's attentions,
cocooned in each new morning's warmth.

I see the lies I told myself,
the fires I smothered
that I should have walked through,
emerging singed and sooted, raw and achy,
regenerating from the inside out
like the chrysalis.
But there's no going back.
So forgive me,
one more moment
to finish letting go,
saying goodbye,
releasing blame,
before I come to you
ready
for your sweetness.
.

26 comments:

lovelyprism said...

Sounds like some serious growth. *hugs*

Sarah Lulu said...

OMG I could feel that myself ....

Nancy said...

Wow.

Anonymous said...

It's all about trust earned each day - moment upon moment without deviation, without hesitation. Baby steps ...

Beth said...

Well written. The trust we put in that special someone does go through a process.

daisyfae said...

so very difficult to let the shields down and trust... good luck...

Justine said...

This was absolutely beautiful.

Justine :o )

AirmanMom said...

beautiful words!!!!!
~AM

♥ Braja said...

....and now I anxiously await the next step.

Dammit, you'd better share THAT.

Dee-Zigns Handcrafted Jewelry said...

Beautifully written. I could feel the tears about to fall out of my eyeballs.

Danica said...

Hugs

Beautifully written.

Kristina P. said...

Simply amazing.

Oh My Goddess said...

Love yourself through to new beginnings.

foxy said...

Wow - simply beautiful. I can't wait to see where you go from here...

Midlife Jobhunter said...

Ah, and now we are on the way. The way, which we never know where it goes, but if we don't go there, we never get anywhere. Right or wrong way? We don't know. But either way we grow - and continue to go forth.

Believe in yourself, Fragrant Liar.

Breathe said...

Delicious images, sweet flows, wonderous wording.

love it. bring it on, pirate.

Bella said...

grrrrrl! I love you. LOL

that was beautiful.

Jocelyn said...

I want to hand this to every panting girl in her 20's and say, "You think you're ready for love. But before the real stuff can thrive, you need to go through some stuff. Then the real thing can come home to roost."

Lovely.

creative kerfuffle said...

this is beautiful and poignant. leaves me wanting to know where your next step takes you. it is hard to open up and trust someone new, but, in the end, so worth it, regardless of the outcome.

Lisa said...

These are lovely sentiments. It's hope written in a beautiful way. I'm wishing you all the best.

Midlife Mama said...

Ooooh....sounds like things are progressing with the hottie from the internet. Yay!! :)) Good for you. And yes, opening up to a new relationship makes you have to rehash old schtuff. But it's all good. And you'll come out a better person. Better not to drag all that old baggage into a new relationship.

Hit 40 said...

So hard to trust sometimes!! I like to try to step back to observe for a while before I trust someone.

Vic said...

I liked the natural imagery in this - and the direction you're headed.
:)

Jen said...

Very raw and real... and brave too! Beautifully written, Ms. L.

hugs,
Jen

diane said...

Holy cow, that is one of the best god d*mned poems I have ever read!
Way to express how you're feeling!
Hugs. xo d

Amy said...

Gosh. Well said. You're speaking for millions of women who have been battered, bruised and broken, including myself.

If you can forgive, grow and trust, YOU are a she warrior. What is it that Maya Angelou says? "Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant."

Be elegant, my friend!