February 10, 2010

Sadly, I Am Frigid

In case you've been asleep at the wheel, brrrrr, it's freakin' frigid outside! I don't know how I'm supposed to get my happy ass to the gym in this weather. That would require me to get out of the clothes I'm wearing and expose my skin to the cold, just to get into different clothes that aren't designed to keep me warm at all. No sir! They're made for cooling me down, and that just goes against my beliefs about gluteal warming.

WTF? you are probably saying. As often as Fragrant Liar professes to enjoy running around naked, she should be reveling in the constant headlight action! But you would be wrong in that supposition. Remember what assUme really means, people.

Actually, I only get enraptured by going commando when it's quite warm. Not hot, mind you. I can explode mercury out of a little glass tube all on my own, with no help from the weather. No, I mean warm as in 85 degrees, warm as in where's the beach, warm as in oops, time to shave that stairway to heaven I call my thighs. I can smile just thinking about basking in spring sunshine.

My skin prefers cocooning during the winter. It rejects this unprovoked transition from bundled and toasty to naked and frosty, and shrivels at the thought. It fights me to stay covered up. So you see, being the largest and bossiest organ of my body, my skin can wage this little coup against the elements and prevent me from working out this week. And probably this weekend, if the weather peeps get something right. I'll suffer through it though, and just go to a party. But you can bet I'll be layering up tits to toes. Cuz, brrrr, it's freakin' frigid outside!

48 comments:

Brian Miller said...

we are getting some wicked wind that just cuts through anything you are wearing...bitter cold...

morethananelectrician said...

You are allowed SOME skin hibernation time...but that skin needs to breathe...find some heat lamps!!!!!!

Secretia said...

When it's warm eough, it's so much fun to be naked around the house!

Bagman and Butler said...

It's pretty chilly in South Carolina too this morning. I couldn't figure out why Bagman was sweating until I saw that he was reading your post. He's got way too much imagination.

Alix said...

Yeah, word on the street is you're frigid as hell. Keep up the nekkid dancing... and keep the blinds open. Maybe you can turn that rumor around.

Snappy Di said...

Out skin is the largest organ of our body. We need to pamper it and make it purrr just like other, errm, organs.. hee hee

Di
The Blue Ridge Gal

midlifeslices said...

Hang in there and be thankful you don't live up North where it's REALLY freakin frigid. Texas will be hot soon enough and then we'll have something else to bitch about. :)

ellen abbott said...

Yeah, I am not lovin' this AT ALL. I too am contemplating NOT going to the gym today. And as if it's not cold enough here on the coastal plain, I'm headed up to your whereabouts next week.

jules said...

Gym in the winter is a total bitch. I completely agree with you. I don't really have to worry about that right now though. I'm so snowed in, it will take me weeks to dig out. On the upside, with all the snow shoveling, I guess i dont need to work out!

powdergirl said...

Cold?

COLD?

YOU DON'T KNOW HWAT COLD IS, MISSY!

Well, I mean, usually a Canadian can say that to a Texan, but it's weirdly warm over here(meaning its above 0 c,) so I guess I won't say that today.

Just get your ass to the gym and quit your sniveling. The stairway to heaven will thank you in the naked season : )

TechnoBabe said...

I have been so layered up for months now and I suddenly realized my skin and other parts wanted to be flapping in the air! I had to make house all toasty and give my body time to breathe. Aahh, that's better. I don't remember having to be wearing so many clothes last year!

Kristina P. said...

I am so with you! It's been like spring here for two weeks, and I wake up to icky snow. Boo.

Eva Gallant said...

I gave up on the gym today, too. I woke up and heard the wind howling out there and just dug back in under the covers!

carma said...

I'm with ya - when it's this cold outside (and I live in the South) - I hibernate big time. Hoping you can get back to nekkedness sometime soon :D

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

Welcome to my world of frigidnessity. Sucks. Try five months of that. And this is why I too don't go to the gym anywhere near as often as I should.

Miz Dinah said...

Brrrr...stay warm!

Love from,
The Wet Coast (home of the 2010 Olympics in which we have no snow on our local mountain!)

Nancy said...

I'm having a very hard time getting my rear out for a walk. It was 18 degrees when I got up this morning. Not conducive to exercise. The bears don't do it!

Danica said...

Stay warm!!!

It's freezing here in Ohio as well!

Spring is on it's way....I hope.

mac said...

I really needed another excuse to skip working out, thanks.
My old line was getting tired, "Whenever I feel like excercizing, I lay down until the feeling passes".

A good blanket is what's called for in this situation. I find it much warmer sleeping nekkid than with clothes, the blankie reflects body heat better with no clothes interfering....and, on a good night someone may be there to lend 98.6 degrees to the mix :-)

Smart Mouth Broad said...

Baby, it's cold outside. I'm with you all the way, sister. We've got a freeze warning. IN FLORIDA! What the....

NK said...

Should I duck and avoid the frigid blows of angry readers when I tell you it's 80 degrees here on Oahu?

Yeah, all this cold talk makes me want poke fun at all of you. (Then throw on a pair of shorts, sandels and a T-shirt and go for a walk.)

Aloha!

Muthering Heights said...

One of the MANY reasons I don't go to a gym...

Pat said...

It's been cold here too in AZ - it maybe reached 60 today. I know! I know! I shouldn't complain, but when it should be 75-85, 60 is downright cold! Really! Oh all right I'll shut up.

Hilary said...

I'm quite ready for spring myself.

blueviolet said...

That's why I work out at home so I don't have to leave my house!

Anything Fits a Naked Man said...

I couldn't agree more! My skin definitely has a mind of it's own, and demands ULTIMATE pampering, particularly in the colder months!

I'm new to your blog, and I wanted you to know I think it's terrific! I'm your newest follower, thanks for the post!

Nanc Twop said...

time to shave that stairway to heaven

You had me lol'ing - rem to use that safety razor... ;-)

bernthis said...

Hi: this is your ass calling; get me on a treadmill, ASAP.

Best,

Your ass

Mone said...

I am not a winter person and it is frigid cold in Saxony. I soo hear you!

Jason, as himself said...

"...time to shave that stairway to heaven I call my thighs."

No, honey, you're anything but frigid!

Jocelyn said...

I get really cold in our house, as we keep it at 56 degrees (and I sit around as much as I can, which doesn't exactly heat things up). But when I go outside, into the wind and snow, I make my body move, so outdoors = sweat for me.

...she typed, heading out for a ski.

Twenty Four At Heart said...

I've been frigid too, its been in the sixties here!
Supposedly it will be in the 70s in the next day or two. At that point I might be able to turn the heat off and rejoice again!

otin said...

OK, so you are blaming not working out on your skin?? LOL! Good excuse!!

Beth said...

Even though we've only gotten 2.5 minutes of flurries over the past 17 years, I'm ready for flippin spring to get here.

Madame DeFarge said...

You need someone to help with the warming up process I suspect.

Farmers Wife said...

You are making me feel cold, and I now live in a nice tropical climate after growing up in a windy, cold town that caused me to wear layers apon layers of clothing...gotta go get some hot chocolate!

Michelle Wells Grant said...

You look cute all bundled up! I know I'm totally in the minority but I love, love, LOVE the cold. As long as I can stay all cozy indoors.

♥ Braja said...

i just can't get past this "cold in Texas" gig you're on....

Captain Dumbass said...

I've been commando in the snow when I had a hot tub to flee back too. I don't recommend it.

Ginger@When Ginger snaps... said...

Although I'm loving the snow and the winter wonderland we're having down here, I HATE the cold. I'm with you...bring on some Global Warming, already!

fingers said...

That stairway must have some deep carpet covering it by the end of winter...

JennyMac said...

HAHAHA.....the title of the post alone made me laugh.

Joanna Jenkins said...

Your title cracked me up! Ha! Stay warm.
jj

tattytiara said...

I love being naked in cold weather - in a deep, deep tub filled with hot, hot water.

Gaston Studio said...

You, my girl, have gorgeous,smouldering eyes... wow!
Keep warm.

Midlife Jobhunter said...

"I can explode mercury out of a little glass tube all on my own, with no help from the weather."

Hahahahahahahaha!

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

As I get older my tolerance for either too cold or too hot gets smaller and smaller. I think it has to be somewhere between 69 and 75, or I'm complaining.

Also? My husband has just called me over to the TV because he says some crazy person has crashed a plane into a building in your neck of the woods. He wouldn't be a friend of yours, would he?

phd in yogurtry said...

My current biggest fear, besides an airplane exploding into the building I am working in, is that we will have this cold-ass, rainy-ass winter followed IMMEDIATELY but hot-ass, humid-ass summer. No 80 degree spring weather AT ALL.

Oh, sorry. Do I appear impatient with this cold weather?