January 24, 2009

Sentence Enhancers

I feel such love after my last post. You get me, you really get me! All my fellow cussers seem to get all warm and fuzzy inside when the air is punctuated with a well-spat Shit!, Damn!, Fuckin-A!, or other favorite expression of extreme emotion. Just like me! It feels like, Ah, yes. I've been heard! I've made my point. The world is as it should be.

Over the years, these spicy sentence enhancers (in the venacular of kiddie phenom Sponge Bob) have evolved, much like apes into men, from knuckles dragging the ground and fists pounding their chests to -- oh wait. Um, oh yeah, evolution like not dragging us around by our hair anymore. So while cussing is more acceptable today than it was during the last couple thousand years, adults have adopted special ways of teaching their children about it.

Now, as my parents begat six world-class cussers, so did I beget four trash-talkers -- sort of like those Native American wind-talkers but more readily decipherable, especially where sign language is involved. A quickly flipped middle finger is like sending a Hallmark card, when you care enough to send your very best without an envelope or stamp. So everyone in our family makes grand efforts to curb our joy of profanity so that our littlest ones won't get in trouble at school for saying things we shouldn't -- er, things they shouldn't. But try as we might, some stuff gets through a child's undeveloped filter zone. They just aren't quick enough with the cover-your-ears LA-LA-LA-LA-LA defensive maneuver.

Once last summer, four-year-old Miss America was waiting in the car with her mom, TeeGee. Since it was unbearably hot outside, TeeGee had the A/C blasting. From her car seat in the back, Miss America told her mother, in her very sweet, tiny voice, "Mom, it's fuckin' cold back here."

In the driver's seat, TeeGee's head rotated a few times before she could set her eyes on her angelic daughter. "What?"

Miss America: "It's fuckin' cold back here."

So as not to make a big deal about her daughter's lack of etiquette and encouraging a repeat of those magic sentence enhancers, TeeGee simply turned down the air temp and redirected the fans. Then she called me on her cell and remarked how funny and cute and bright her daughter was. Tee-Gee would never be able to explain this sense of pride to Miss America -- at least not until the kid was old enough to send her own Hallmark cards.

I think TeeGee handled the situation correctly. How would YOU have handled that situation, you modern millennium people?



Maggie May said...

i am a curser, but definitely tone it down round my kids, they hear the occasional shit!

That Janie Girl said...

I probably would have wrecked the car laughing.

As to handling it? Well, hell. I'm one to talk.

Anonymous said...

I'm a top-notch swearer. TeeGee did a great job of handling the situation.
What the Mo**er F**kin' he**, is wong with that kid? :D - wink

Anonymous said...

i let the first one slide - mine was about 6 at the time. when he did it again, i had to quietly explain that it was a word that made the nice people of the world cringe, and it was used by older people when they had to make a strong point.

now? my kids (22 and 20) are not only world class swearers? we excel at the art of recreational blasphemy - a whole other realm of offensive vocabulary.

Lori said...

Good lord, I would have wanted to jump out of the car and laugh out of the shock of it all.

I think she handled it correctly. If we make a big deal when they say something like that, they are more likely to repeat it because they got a rise out of us.

Anonymous said...

I have never swore in front of my grandchildren... I know they will test the waters on their own someday. :-)

The Blue Ridge Gal

Anonymous said...

The first words out of my mouth are always....."where did you hear that?" It's when they say "from you" that I meekly tell them how bad I was to have said that and then change the subject......all the while trying not to burst out laughing. ugh....kids!

Smart Mouth Broad said...

I had a similar experience with D1. My response was to cover my face with the newspaper and silently laugh myself silly!

Vic said...

With a four year old? Totally ignore it. I'd be laughing, though, and so it wouldn't matter. You always repeat what gets a laugh.

Anonymous said...

Kids! What can you do???
I'm quite certain that H will blurt out "It's FAC out here." one of these days. Heaven knows we say it enough. Of course, then he might ask what FAC means...Ahem...freezing @$$ cold, of course!

Told you I was a goody-goody. Well, sort of. LOL

Vodka Mom said...

I just want to say that when Golden Boy was four and at preschool, he called his best friends a fugging ash hole. He told the teacher that it was what his dad calls our neighbor.


Anonymous said...

All i can say is it's a good thing i don't have kids as i am a world class cusser myself, and use many words quite frequently that surely have me on the fast track to hell...even my dogs know that the F-Bomb is a bad bad thing...

ps i tagged you for a meme and then forgot to tell you...god i hate getting old, it f'n sucks...it's for the 4x4 photo meme, if you're interested