July 19, 2009

A Very Catty Weekend

I did some catsitting this weekend. Snowball is an elderly tabby with a little meezer in her and enough attitude out her furry wazoo to scare off potential home invaders with one well-aimed spit-and-hiss. She's actually a darling little thing, but don't expect to be invited over for catnip. The girl has the social graces of Montecore before he chomped down on Roy Horn in Vegas. I'm trusting you not to tell her that, because she's totally temperamental and that's when the claws come out, you know.

To the left here is a bullshit re-enactment photo of Snowball. It adds about ten pounds on her, but since she's not going to see this, she can't be embarrassed.

So Snowball's spacious home is gorgeous. Front and back yards are lush with plants, trees, golf grass, and a relaxing water feature. Because her house backs up to the greenbelt, her masters are able to feed the deer and bunnies and cardinals and various other birds. Every morning and evening, the back yard transforms into a zoological garden, complete with a mister.

No, not a man mister -- I haven't found one of those I wanna hang out with on the weekend yet (Mr. Nice Guy turned into the Rushing Man and this girl ain't in no rush) -- but a fan mister. They also have what's called a Gazelle on the back porch -- no not a 4-legged deer-corn eater, but an elliptical type exerciser. Do I have to explain everything to you people? I had the mister strafing me full blast as I did some kind of cross country glidey thing on the Gazelle, shussing my way to fitness in 100+ degree temps. Snowball watched me through the window from her cool perch inside the house, snickering superciliously at my stupid human tricks (I might have tripped up on the glidey foot pedals and fallen on my ass).

Hey, Snowy, I saw that poochy muffin top you're lugging around, all swishy when you saunter across the room with your nose in the air! Cats think they're so above it all, you know? I bet she'd freak if I told you all that she dragged her butt across the floor and left me a couple of nuggets. Hey, Snowy, missed the catbox, darling.

Oh, look, there I am in Snowball's back yard. I kind of look like Cinderella, don't I? Just for the sake of full disclosure, I should mention that I'm wearing gym shorts and a new jog bra under that thing. Gazelling is just too hard in that prom get-up without being thoroughly outfitted underneath. Not insignificantly, my "girls" were so compressed in that jog bra, they practically went to sleep. You can kind of tell in this photo, can't you?

Only problem with my weekend was that my phone died and I didn't have internet. I didn't even know Walter Cronkite died until a couple hours ago! ("And that's the way it was . . ." my fave thing he said.) What did people do before technology? Mostly me and Snowball hung out around the diningroom table, where I watched the menagerie outside and made myself write a novel. I'm telling you, if it wasn't for Snowball, I'd still be banging my head in her Fancy Feast (situated strategically on the dining room table beside my laptop) and begging to be put out of my compositional misery. Snowball, except for that nasty supercilious snickering habit of hers, was the perfect mews.
.

24 comments:

♥ Braja said...

Morning, Princess :)

linda said...

ah, now that's the dress I need! ;)

Eternally Distracted said...

I got to the end of your post and have now spent ten minutes panicking about what I would do without technology. I mean, I can't go back to video recorders that have remote controls on wire that is attached, or owning a television that is only colour because you put a multi-coloured flat screen over the top of it. I don't want to go back - PLEASE don't make me think about it ...

daisyfae said...

cute kittie - claws and all! why is she named "snowball". um... maybe it's my monitor, but she looks gray!

AirmanMom said...

sounds as though you had quite a weekend!
Glad you are once again connected to the world! Such a lost feeling, isn't it? And ever so scary we are so dependent.
~AM

blissfully caffeinated said...

What the? Cat's don't need sitting. When we go out of town we just rip open a bag of food, throw it on the floor, make sure the toilet lids are all up so our cat can have some fresh water, and we take off. She is always fine when we return.

Debbie said...

Do those long gloves get in the way at all? I'm thinking of getting some:)

Madame DeFarge said...

My, what a fine weekend you must have had. Gazelles sound like an instrument of torture. Must be good for you.

Btw, I may have missed an update, but hope your dad is keeping well.

Michelle said...

The technology thing is so odd. If I have to spend a night without my laptop I feel like I am sleeping in a tent under the stars.

One Slick Chick said...

Please don't become "that" single lady with the cat. Call me and I'll rescue you. I'll introduce you to.....well, o.k. so I have no one to introduce you to but at least I'm good at getting rid of cats...whether I want to or not.

Mental P Mama said...

I have quite the visual going on....sorry about Mr. Rushy Rushy.

morethananelectrician said...

Now...you'd be pissed if someone used a photo that showed you at a 40% in crease in weight.

Janie at Sounding Forth said...

You are one brave girl for catsitting...without the internet.

Crazy girl!

Justine said...

Ya know, it's just not fair that you describe to us this glorious back yard and cute (ahem) kitty and have NO PICTURES to share!!!! ARghhhhh!

So what happened with Mr Rushing? Not seeing him at all anymore?

Justine :o )

Comedy Goddess said...

I'm sure Holly has weekends like this.
In the movies probably.
But you did a great job!
I can't believe we are letting you get away with "mews"!

Captain Dumbass said...

I already feel a sneeze coming on.

mo.stoneskin said...

Altered or not that is one fat cat!

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

The "things" on the carpet made me gag!!

Hallie

powdergirl said...

I love the Gazelle and the mister sounds like a great idea too.

Don't for a minute think that cats have forgotten the ancient days when they were worshipped and idolized.
They're still waiting for us all to return to our senses and recommence the adulation.

Just look at them, you'll see it's true.

bernthis said...

i remember when my dog used to drag his butt across the rug.thankfully, he never left any "remnants"

diane said...

What a nice natural surrounding for cat sitting. Sure beats a closed in apartment, with the heat turned down; that's how I was cat sitting last winter. xo

Stepping Thru said...

That is one fat cat - and don't tell me it's just the photo. What a beautiful little figure you have there Cinderella!

Midlife Jobhunter said...

Hmmm, Rushing Man. I think you need to write about that!

creative kerfuffle said...

perfect mews : ) ha--love it. snowball sounds like a hoity bitch--perfect cat.