People, I have tried to curb my enthusiasm, but it’s proving impossible. My beloved Bro-in-law advises me to let my date do most of the talking because, he says, guys like to have your rapt attention and know you’re interested in them.
Hey, I’m with the guy, right? Isn’t that proof enough? But okay, I figure Bro may be onto something since he does have all the requisite male parts – I assume. So there I go trying to shut up and listen up with Mr. Fine and meanwhile my brain is quietly quivering to a cacophonous crescendo. It is saying, “Hey, me too! Oh, oh, oh, I have a story about that, and it’s got all kinds of dark and twisty turns that you just will not believe, and should I grace you with it (any split millisecond now) you will like me mucho mas or naturally be so incomprehensibly impressed you must call TV and radio stations -- or at least write a glowing review in the Statesman.” And pretty soon my brain is bulging with all this earth-shattering stuff, and the pressure builds to the breaking point and something’s gotta give, and post haste the gates burst open and out it all cascades, just like Niagara, and there he goes like a little raft, over the edge and down into the swirling conversational vortex over which I have co-opped ultimate power and from which he may never be extricated but for that one gasp of air that begs more than says, “I have to go.”
This is when I most feel like Natalie (Martine McCutcheon) in Love Actually when she’s just met her boss, the new prime minister (Hugh Grant), and after shaking his hand:
PM: Hello, Natalie.That was me. Minus the horrid part, I think. (sigh) See David and Natalie here.
Natalie: Hello, David. I mean, sir. Shit, I can't believe I've just said that. And now I've gone and said "shit". Twice. I'm so sorry, sir.
PM: It’s all right. You could've said "fuck" and we'd have been in real trouble.
Natalie: Thank you, sir. I had a premonition I was gonna fuck up on my first day. Oh, piss it!
Chief of Staff Annie: Right ... let's fix the country, shall we?
PM walks away, then turns back to see Natalie suffering regret.
Staffer Pat to Natalie: It's all right.
Natalie: Did you see what I did?
Pat: Yes, I did.
Natalie: I just went "blurh" (gesturing that a bunch of horrid crap just came tumbling out of her mouth).
So it looks like I am doomed, and short of an intervention, anyone who wants to hang with me will have to be okay with a wacky chatterbox. Oh, and Bro also quoted me some scripture about how the most unruly part of the body is the tongue. I just had to laugh. I don’t even LIKE scripture.
Just to clarify, peeps, somehow Mr. Fine is not deterred by my blathering. In fact, he says he likes it. Ha! That is what he says NOW...