August 17, 2009

Sorry, Mr. Prime Minister

People, I have tried to curb my enthusiasm, but it’s proving impossible. My beloved Bro-in-law advises me to let my date do most of the talking because, he says, guys like to have your rapt attention and know you’re interested in them.

Hey, I’m with the guy, right? Isn’t that proof enough? But okay, I figure Bro may be onto something since he does have all the requisite male parts – I assume. So there I go trying to shut up and listen up with Mr. Fine and meanwhile my brain is quietly quivering to a cacophonous crescendo. It is saying, “Hey, me too! Oh, oh, oh, I have a story about that, and it’s got all kinds of dark and twisty turns that you just will not believe, and should I grace you with it (any split millisecond now) you will like me mucho mas or naturally be so incomprehensibly impressed you must call TV and radio stations -- or at least write a glowing review in the Statesman.” And pretty soon my brain is bulging with all this earth-shattering stuff, and the pressure builds to the breaking point and something’s gotta give, and post haste the gates burst open and out it all cascades, just like Niagara, and there he goes like a little raft, over the edge and down into the swirling conversational vortex over which I have co-opped ultimate power and from which he may never be extricated but for that one gasp of air that begs more than says, “I have to go.”


This is when I most feel like Natalie (Martine McCutcheon) in Love Actually when she’s just met her boss, the new prime minister (Hugh Grant), and after shaking his hand:

PM: Hello, Natalie.
Natalie: Hello, David. I mean, sir. Shit, I can't believe I've just said that. And now I've gone and said "shit". Twice. I'm so sorry, sir.
PM: It’s all right. You could've said "fuck" and we'd have been in real trouble.
Natalie: Thank you, sir. I had a premonition I was gonna fuck up on my first day. Oh, piss it!
Chief of Staff Annie: Right ... let's fix the country, shall we?
PM walks away, then turns back to see Natalie suffering regret.
Staffer Pat to Natalie: It's all right.
Natalie: Did you see what I did?
Pat: Yes, I did.
Natalie: I just went "blurh" (gesturing that a bunch of horrid crap just came tumbling out of her mouth).
That was me. Minus the horrid part, I think. (sigh) See David and Natalie here.

So it looks like I am doomed, and short of an intervention, anyone who wants to hang with me will have to be okay with a wacky chatterbox. Oh, and Bro also quoted me some scripture about how the most unruly part of the body is the tongue. I just had to laugh. I don’t even LIKE scripture.
Just to clarify, peeps, somehow Mr. Fine is not deterred by my blathering. In fact, he says he likes it. Ha! That is what he says NOW...
.

50 comments:

Hit 40 said...

I lost interest in Hugh after he tried to pay for sex. Just pathetic.

Bella said...

We always overthink every little thing as women don't we?

Did you wear stilletto's or not? LOL

Inquiring minds wanta know!

Fragrant Liar said...

Bella, no stilettos. I'm taking Daisyfae's advice...

Kristina P. said...

Love, Actually is one of my all time favorite movies.

Bella said...

Yep, no need to rush! and definitely no need to walk in those puppies, well ... too far anyway! like from the chair to the couch! ha!

The Peach Tart said...

I have a tendency to talk too much too when I'm nervous. Fortunately, Mr. Peach Tart thinks it's adorable.

You BIL's advice is good but I say, just be your adorable self.

Pastor Sharon said...

You know, a true gentleman would like to hear what is on your mind.

Amy said...

Love Actually...ahhhh. I don't give a flying fig if Hugh Grant diddled a lady/dude of the evening. He's still on my List.

I don't even know what to say about the advice from your brother in law. I'm sorry, but GAG. (Gee, I guess I DID know what to say.)

Scripture, smipture. Most of the dudes in scriptures had a gaggle of wives. But, I'm sure they were all very demure and quiet so as to appear interested in their darling husband.

Rebel Mother said...

As long as you dont speak in tongues you will be fine! Kissing with tongues is fine too.

Ps Love that film. Bill Nighy - fab!

RMxx

Janie at Sounding Forth said...

You...have an unruly...anything?

T said...

I have that same affliction! If you ever figure out how to control it......for the love of god, PLEASE let me know! lol

smiles4u said...

Oh I so get you on this....I remember thinking "please just shut your mouth right now" but my mouth not stopping...lol...it's like "Help, I'm talking and I can't shut the fuck up!"...lol. If Mr. Fine is as fine as you think he is then he will be cool with it...he will want to hear what you have to say and won't be freaked out by it.

Fragrant Liar said...

Mr. Fine is still around, so I guess I haven't scared him off yet.

I LOVE "Love Actually." Think I'm going to have to watch it again.

Comedy Goddess said...

First of all, I love how Marianne Williamson interprets The Course in Miracles.

Secondly, if the guy is so self absorbed during dinner, he is also like that in bed.

Lastly, quoting scripture as dating advice is just too weird.

phd in yogurtry said...

What I remember about dating ... the guy I didn't like? I was all sparkly wit and bedazzling conversation. The guy I really liked? Dumbstruck, thick tongued and couldn't complete a sentence.

So, I feel yo pain, girlfren.

King of New York Hacks said...

I thought Hugh was ok in Music and Lyrics...my niece forced me to watch it with her...and since I lived the 80's I told her it was close ! LOL

Sarah Lulu said...

Love Actually is one of my all time favourites too ...

Mr Fine had better love all of you ...not just the pretty parts.

Midlife Jobhunter said...

Oh, you have such great stories, but, yes, men do like your rapt attention. There are ways to get theirs, however. Did I just say that?

lovelyprism said...

LOL I LOVE that movie!
Just be yourself, he will love you!

nothingfancy1 said...

I'm the opposite. I'd just sit there and say nothing, while the poor guy tried his hardest to get me to say SOMETHING! UGH!

IB said...

I say, let it all out. It's gotta happen eventually. Am I right?

Gaston Studio said...

Loved Love Actually; one of his best IMHO. I completely agree with Comedy in that if he's so self absorbed... etc.

I, too, talk too much when nervous, but I'm such an open book I usually TELL the person that's what I'm doing; it kind of eases the tension, if there is any.

Scripture about dating? That's just wrong.

Michel said...

You did see the whole movie, right?? It works out for them.

However, I gots a bitch! (naturally) WHY did you tell him about this blog!?!?! Now you have to go start a new one so you can tell us what you think about him without him knowing what you really think and then freaking out because girls think waay too much.

Maybe you shoudl just send me an email and TELL ME!

DAMNITT LADY! TELL ME!

Midlife Mama said...

Oh yes I so agree... "Love Actually" is one of my favoritest movies of all time. And Hugh Grant is adorable, even though he was an idiot about that prostitute. I mean, wtf is that about?!? Idiot.

But still. He is just so adorable. Adorable! With that little wrinkle he gets on his forehead, looking all befuddled.... *sigh*

powdergirl said...

As with the fabulous 'words to live by' under your header, I think it would be a damn shame for you to keep all that bubbly fun to yourself. If he doesn't like the bubbly effusion then he not Mr 'Right at all.


As ladies, we do not break wind, nor perspire, nor use profane words.
So we must speak, else we explode.
(course, I'm no lady, but I suspect you may have some of those qualities;->)

See? it would be dangerous to change your natural tendencies for anyone. : )

creative kerfuffle said...

don't know that i can add much to all of these great comments, but if you can't be yourself w/ him (as in talk talk talk) then meh...not worth it. but you know that! of course you do. you are a smart, strong woman and even if you get nervous i don't see you as the sort that would change yourself to fit someone elses idea of what a woman should be. you rock.
and using the bible for dating advice--lmao--THAT is fricking priceless.

Butler and Bagman said...

Hey, I've got a great comment and story of my own to share here and it goes like this...oh, wait a minute...maybe I should just enjoy your blog.

Suzy said...

The moment I realize that the guy is NEVER going to shut up is when I realize he's looking for a priest, not someone to go out with. I've been to this movie many many times and it ends up being ALL ABOUT THEM ALL THE TIME.

diane said...

Your brother's logic on men is straight out of college. You want a good relationship? It's all about laughing and sharing. Equally. That's what adults do. I'd be willing to bet Mr. Fine can handle that.

Anonymous said...

Thank you diane.

Thank you all, for keeping me on my toes. Your Fragrant Liar is too precious and unique to stifle for even one second.

suziart said...

You just keep talking...You are totally fabulous!

AirmanMom said...

Well, you have us to 'listen' to your words!!!!
~AM

Fragrant Liar said...

It's me who's the chatterbox, peeps. Mr. Fine seems to control his fabulous verbal self just FINE. Naturally.

Fragrant Liar said...

Midlife Jobhunter: Yes, you SAID that. Does Bob know?

diane said...

I'm baaaack. There's a writer's award waiting for you over on my page. xo

Madame DeFarge said...

So did the date go well then?

drollgirl said...

might as well let the floodgates open, at least a little -- the dude needs to know what you are like!

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

Yeah, I don't like scripture either, so that probably makes at least 2 of us.

And OMG YES! you need a guy who likes (or at least doesn't mind) the chatterbox in you. Especially if you can't even pretend not to be one for one lousy date!

;)

blognut said...

Where is he? Is he here now? 'Cause I want to ask him what he thinks about women just being themselves? Especially you.

'Cause 'yourself' is really just fine, I think.

Sprite's Keeper said...

I must see that movie again!
Is it sad that I remembered every word of that segment and how they were inflected? I need help.
But I am the same way. I have a story and I must say it, look at me!, pay attention to meee!, and then I catch a look of desperation in their face as I'm halfway through, No! I can't stop now! I must finish!, CRASH.
Conversation over.

Vodka Mom said...

i LOVEEEEE That movie!!!

and I say blather on girl. Blather on..........

Louise said...

Honestly I love talkative people. Means I don't have to say anything !

Otin said...

I told you that you should just act like you normally do, he will see that personality eventually anyway!

Michelle Grant said...

Eeeeeeasy does it. Just sayin'.

Eva Gallant said...

I say you gotta' be yourself. No sense starting out unbder pretense. My hubby knew I was Looney Toons from day one...says that's what he fell in love with!

Bella said...

are you and Mr. Fine on holiday?

nosey bloggers wanta know! LOL

anyway, just coming by to check on ya. I hope you have a nice weekend, girlie!

Get out and shake it but don't break it!

Justine said...

Ooh, still seeing Mr. Fine? How exciting!!!! How many dates have you been on?

Justine :o )

♥ Braja said...

I love Hugh's accent...read Michel's today, on Birtish accents...you'll love it...xo

♥ Braja said...

And yeah, did you wear stilettos????

Jocelyn said...

Is Mr. Fine's nickname Mr. Tolerant? He sounds a gem...like my own husband, who never likes me better than when he gets to kick back and be my best audience.

Just watched LOVE, ACTUALLY last week, so I'm all over the scene you mention. They're adorable, aren't they?