November 22, 2009

Fickle? Kinda. Not really. Well, okay.

As a public service, I want to enlighten those in the dark.

In general, girls are fickle. We get only a little less fickle as we age. Having been around the block a time or twenty, we are certainly more resolute about some things, but now we deliberately reserve the right to change our minds—because we can—and we will even verbalize this caveat at opportune moments.

"Oh, man I want that black car—it's aaaall shiny and sleek. I mean, I would look HAWT in it. Gotta be mine! UNLESS something totally weird makes the deal unworkable. In which case, I want that little red one. It's aaaaall shiny and sleek."
We want to do or have something really badly, until we don’t. And as we get older we develop the wherewithal to analyze and explain our changes of heart with the folksy eloquence of a Palin ghostwriter so it doesn’t seem that we’re inherently befuddled, just in touch with our base. It’s no wonder guys can’t keep up.

Before my 20s, my fickleness showed up in crushes. I was infamous for putting boys through the Bubble Gum Test. How fast can you chew ‘em up and spit ‘em out?

Case in point #1: Really cute 16-year-old Dale. The day we’d established our mutual crushes, he later took off his jacket, and I discovered he was wearing the very same striped, purple, gold, and red cable sweater I was. It was the ‘70s—we strived for androgyny, but still . . . Kinda girly, dude. So he walked me home from school wearing his twin sweater, which slip-stitched its way into my psyche like a fat ball of yarn poked through with bamboo knitting needles. By the time we got to my house and he’d kissed me (with his mouth over my entire face), I had let loose my quick-change artiste. Chew, chew, chew, spit!

Case in point #2: Greg, the foxy senior on whom I had a life-altering crush, who finally gave me a second look after a lot of fawning and flirting on my part. We convinced him to ditch school with us for an impromptu trip out to Lake Pleasant. It was winter; we had no swimsuits. The potential lurked for skinny dipping. My evil plan was working perfectly. Until I decided my nipples would be bigger than my boobs in that cold. But Greg kicked off his shoes, dropped his shirt and jeans, and ran into the icy waters in only his boxers. All eyes were glued on him. Look at that physique! How macho to brave the elements! And he’s interested in ME! Then he came out of the lake in a hurry, visibly chilled, with little Bojangles popping his head in and out of that little boxer flap with every step over the rocks. Holy crap! Chew, chew, chew, spit!

I really wanted to write this for some time, but then I changed my mind for reasons I can't explain; and then I just said, WTF, go ahead, Princess. People need to KNOW this shit. So there you go. Consider yourself publicly served.
.

46 comments:

GooseBreeder said...

Yep we can turn off people faster tha you can say "Yuk" and it can be for reasons hard to explain but it's all about instinct isn't it? That gut feeling you gotta trust.Fickle? never!
PS get rid of that Tee, won't do the girl's self esteem any good at all.

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

LOL about the cold lake and the fickle girl!!

Gaelyn said...

I love it! Glad you decided, finally, to post this. Oh so true. It just comes naturally. And we get better at changing our minds with age. Practice does make better.
Always remember, No, is a complete answer. No explanation needed.
Great love stories. I'll bet you have more.

midlifeslices said...

I'm a little....o.k. a LOT fickle, myself. For example I use to lust over George Strait until I saw him in that one horrible movie and he was a puny pony tail wearing dude named Dusty. ack....spit spit!

I'll never get over that one. I'll just have to listen to him sing with my eyes closed. ugh....nope, it doesn't work.

Stacy said...

I love the word FICKLE

Glad you wrote this one.

daisyfae said...

i always call it "the audible pop" - the moment when you are no longer in lust/love/like. always happens, at least to me. perhaps why i sleep with a damn dog...

Mr. Knucklehead said...

Fickleness is the reason that we guys develop a certain degree of apathy over the years. Makes no sense to buy into one of your "moods" when it's just gonna change in a short while.

Can't live with ya, can't live without ya.

Secretia said...

That was a nice little story :)

Michelle Wells Grant said...

Fickle. It IS a good word. In the wink of an eye we can do a 180. All rights reserved. And just think, with the alteration of just one little letter, fickle can take on a whole new meaning.

Just Vignettes said...

Been in Lake Pleasant myself a time or two... bleh... never did like it. Never took a guy along though.... but one took me once. LOL

Di
The Blue Ridge Gal

otin said...

Shrinkage! It was shrinkage I tell you! LOL!

rxBambi said...

Oh. My. God. I have to do this post. This is the funniest thing I have ever read. And I am the ficklest of fickle. Well, I *was*... you know... before hubby #2. Whom I totally adore and have remained totally in love with for all 7 years... and never ever ever even looked at another boy (cough cough cough)

Bella said...

Yes, and the fickle finger of fate now handed you Mr. Right! Hope you are feeling well!

McGillicutty said...

OK this is getting weirder, this is the third blog where the commenters go Otin, Bambi Me.. hahahaha.
Anyway, just wanted to say Fickle is awesome... men don't get it. The shrinkage is HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!

Oh My Goddess said...

I'm kind of a die hard when it comes to crushes. I still love the guy who sat next to me in 7th grade science.

Candice said...

Bojangles! LMAO

Kay said...

I really have no idea what you are talking about... haha ;)

morethananelectrician said...

No man should ever be judged as he comes out of a cold lake in the winter months. It isn't fair.

What happens to your nipples in the cold is the absolute opposite of what happens to us...

Gaston Studio said...

Love the comments from the guys here!

I've gotten less fickle with age and like to chalk it up to wisdom; it's probably more due to lack of the energy to spit.

smiles4u said...

LOL I love it! And I love all the comments...especially from all the male readers....lol. Thanks for a wonderful Saturday morning laugh!XXOO

Jason, as himself said...

Stop it! This is unbelievable. Then what happened? Did you tell him? Did he know? I have so many unanswered questions. I demand a follow-up post.

blognut said...

LOL! I hate it when little Bojangles looks cold.

Busy Bee Suz said...

Bojangles? This is awesome. I am so glad you shared with us.

TechnoBabe said...

You are giving up some of your secrets and sharing them in a humorous way, got me to laughing and giggling. Good thing you aren't fickle any more. There is definitely a difference between fickle and just changing your mind, huh.

slouchy said...

this totally cracked me up.

Jimmy Bastard said...

Ahhh... fickle maybe, but gorgoeus with it.

Christine Gram said...

Ha ha... love the title. I like to think of it as open-minded.

Ginger said...

What makes these examples so funny is that we ALL have a story or two like this somewhere! Just waiting to be told in all it's gory details. Hilarious!

Cheri @ Blog This Mom!® said...

Shrinkage is not so foxy. But still, tell us more stories.

:-D

mo.stoneskin said...

"In general, girls are fickle."

No, really?!

;)

I would have failed the Bubble Gum test.

The Peach Tart said...

I've had my fickle moments for sure

Smart Mouth Broad said...

I saw that line about Bojangles over at Jason's (in his soup). I should have known it was you. LOL

dana said...

I've noticed that once I get something "on the brain" it won't go away and even keeps me awake, thinking of the precious *insert anything here* that I NEED to POSSESS.

If I give it a few days, the intense feeling passes, to be replaced by "THAT THING" over THERE!!! Oh yeah!!

If cookies are being shown on TV, I run to the kitchen, grab a handful, only to come back and see ICE CREAM on another commercial.

GOTTA HAVE IT

Mrsbear said...

Coming from a former fickle girl, both those situations seem completely justified. I once had a crush on a boy that lasted only until he asked me out, then French kissed me with Fritos in his mouth. WTH? To this day I can't eat that particular brand of corn chip. Gurg.

Rebel Mother said...

Naaa! Your not that fickle.

If a guy decides to chew your face off rather give you a kiss, his a gonna! Urgh!

You did make me laugh!

Love RMxx

Margo said...

When I was 15 I decided I didn't like my boyfriend anymore when I found out his name was spelled differently than I thought it should be on the SAME DAY he wore heinous shoes.

Hilary said...

So where have you been hiding this very amusing blog all this time? Thanks for stopping by my place to find me. :)

Midlife Jobhunter said...

HAhahaha! Chuckling from the lake shrinkage.

Fickle. Love the license for fickleness.

♥ Braja said...

The Bard had it..."O what fickle lives we lead..."
He was talking about women I'm sure.

otin said...

I answered your question on my blog!

One Sassy Girl said...

I'm SO glad you did write it. I'm in love. With you. Those two stories are priceless. And it so is a bojangle... perfect comparison.

Hilarious!!

creative kerfuffle said...

i also love the word fickle : ) and? the hubs and i have been together for 26 years (we started dating when i was 15). we've been married 17 yrs. i cannot tell you how many times i broke up w/ this poor man before we got married--all because of being fickle. thank god he gets me.

Vegas Linda Lou said...

Liar Girl, I can't even decide between paper and plastic.

I love this post!

Twenty Four At Heart said...

I knew we were related!

Sang Lee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sang Lee said...

And my friends wonder why I'm still single.

I wandered over from Bella's blog. I think I'll come back – unless I change my mind.

Oh wait, I'm a guy. We're not allowed to do that ;)