February 10, 2009

Frankly Speaking . . .

Oh, man, Frankie! In response to my last post in which I whined about how older women seem to be in flux (and apparently it’s not just me), a nice reader named Frank posted comments that resonated with me in a big way. He said:

"To me there is a difference between wild child and real passion. I find that my meter that once pointed solidly to the crazy side, now points more toward a yearning for emotional as well as physical intimacy. The once out of control fumbling has been replaced by intentional action. Frequency has been replaced by quality."
I won't hold that frequency crack against you, Frank. I'm just happy your meter’s pointing. But I hope you don’t mind me quoting you, because you make a compelling argument for pursuits of passion being more satisfying, long-lasting, and meaningful than anything the dormant wild child of our youth could generate. And you're right, we keep looking back, trying to resurrect our youth because we're pummeled day in and day out by airbrushed ads that define for us what beauty and coolness ought to be.

I'm thinking that the expectations many of us have for ourselves, whether we're single and looking or married and bored, are based on the wrong criteria – outdated, ineffectual, and dumb standards of behavior and attitude that may have served us once very well (they did get us beer, hit-and-run sex, and numbers on bathroom stalls), but now aren’t enough. For me, it makes sense to ask why I would want to redeploy my wild child which, if truth be told, was also the instigator of the worst trouble I ever got into. They didn’t call me "T" for my ta-tas.

In fact, we need a shift in outlook, an upgrade of standards, a new definition for sexual beings in "midlife" (ick, is that four letters?). Otherwise, we're just setting ourselves up for failure and disappointment -- and expensive psyche sessions. With the wisdom, confidence, playfulness, and honesty of our years (plus a gym membership), we have the potential to create deeper, more meaningful, and passionate intimate relationships without feeling like we should go bar hopping or get it on in the backseat of a car -- although my back seat is plenty roomy and I never say never.

So Frank, thanks for the attitude adjustment. Girls, you won’t believe it, but it seems it took a man to give me the insight I needed. How crazy is that?
.

18 comments:

Frank said...

You didn’t need insight, you stated it perfectly.

Wow!!! What a boost for me after a day filled with stress and non-stop meetings to read your latest thoughts. I have often felt like an interloper reading your blog, and what seems to be a private “sista” chat. But as I said, your writing is skilled, and quite compelling. BTW… The quality I speak of can be seen on the faces of your Hoo-Ha’s. You pick your friends well.

Midlife, menopause, mistakes and random stuff... said...

I love Frank. And.......I don't think he had to teach you anything girl. I think you "got it" already.

And yeppers, midlife is indeed a four letter word. Four little letters with BIG meaning.

I enjoyed this post very much. Thanks!!

Steady On
Reggie Girl

AirmanMom said...

Great post....again!

~AM

nothingfancy1 said...

Did you get Frank's number?

smiles4u said...

Great post! I love Frank's comment too. I am always up for a little attitude adjustment! LOL!

The Blue Ridge Gal said...

Let's all thank Frank for his insight.... We love you Frank!

Di
The Blue Ridge Gal

Julie said...

Frank has just gotten very popular, hasn't he? Why aren't there insightful guys like that in Ohio??? Heck I can't even get men reading my blog let alone get a guy commenting on my HooHa's. LOL

Frank said...

I am highly flattered by all the positive comments for what I believe was a simple statement of fact, and I must admit that I feel I was merely in the right place at the right time. Kind of like the US Airways pilot, but different. (I do see him as a hero.)

The “Real” insight here is provided by Fragrant Liar, which is why I, (and clearly, many of you), seek out her advice and wisdom. Thank you Fragrant Liar for your genuine honesty, your unabashed openness of your personal feelings and experiences, and your technique of wit and humor that you use to encourage us, your loyal readers, to not just cope but conquer.

To not detract further from the blog I have come to view as required reading, I will continue the discussion with FL off line. : )

Barbaloot said...

So---if I'm single and looking where does that put my wild child side? :)

Fragrant Liar said...

Frank: You are more than sweet. And are you married, man?

Reggie: Yeppers, gettin' it! Mdlf, looks like a four-letter word to me!

Airman Mom: Thank you!

NothingFancy1: I asked if he was married . . .

Smiles4U: :))

Blue Ridge Gal: Ditto!

Julie: When they start commenting on your Hoo-Has, you're golden.

Barbaloot: If you're single and looking, and your wild child can't wait to get into the game, let her run! I'm just talking about not being sure what the expectations are when you're older, using criteria for "hooking a man" that no longer applies to me. I don't want to use my wild child for a relationship, I want something deeper. But I do want my WC there to be part of the playful aspect of that relationship. Does that make sense?

Midlife Slices said...

Since you and Frank are continuing your discussion off line, you've got to keep us in the loop here, girlfriend. Great post, as usual.

Smart Mouth Broad said...

Still waiting to hear if he's married..... You two sound cute together.

Irish Gumbo said...

Well. I learned something here today. What a very well-written take on it. Wow. I bow to you, m'lady. Bravo!

Frank said...

Tried to contact you last night when the day settled down. I am new to this blogging thing, but it seems your contact info is a loop right back to your blog. (So much for off-line.) Then I realized that in this day of technological intrusion, (That sounded naughty for a second.) young ladies like yourself must protect their virtues. Then I also realized that I had intentionally blocked my contact info also, the difference being that I really don’t have virtues to protect. SO… I unblocked for that discussion I alluded to. Oh, and to answer your question, Big –D and I don’t mean Dallas.

nikkicrumpet said...

Rock on Frank....you ought to teach a man-class.

Janie said...

I loved this post. Now, where is Frank? I need to introduce him to some of my girlfriends!

Debbie said...

Well, at first I was disappointed that I had somehow overlooked one of your posts for several days. Now, I am glad because I get to read these fascinating comments and follow-throughs.

Fragrant Liar said...

Y'all are so fun! I love it when you come to visit and leave all those smart remarks. Makes my day.

And to those who want to email me, I now have the email thang set up on my profile page.

Frank, why don't you have a blog?