February 23, 2009

Pigs in a Blanket

“You have to come see what your grandson is doing now,” my son-in-law George said. “Guess he found something in the pantry that he wanted.”

Apparently 25-month-old Destructo’s new door-opening skills were paying off.

When I arrived on the back deck, little Destructo was shoveling inch-long, imitation pigs-in-a-blanket doggy biscuits into his mouth. By his mother’s count, he’d already scarfed half a dozen. She had that sort of stupefied-with-pride look on her face as she watched him intently. George scratched his head, looking to me for either validation that it was okay to let the kid fill himself to the gills or an urgent warning that a poisoning was in progress and we ought to stop the madness. Certainly the child’s mother was too entranced to undertake any decision-making.

“Guess it can’t hurt him,” I said as he shoved another one into his mouth. “They’re dog treats. They must be, er, edible.”

Big sister Miss America gaped incredulously at the all-knowing adults. Even at four-and-a-half, she knew the proper protocols for dog treats did not include human consumption.

Then my daughter awoke from her trance. "Try one,” she challenged George.

George and my daughter share a mischievous love of dares. They taunt each other to try things, just so one can claim superiority over the bigger wuss who fails to show the appropriate courage -- however stupid that might ultimately prove. George hesitated only a moment, then shoved his hand in the box and pulled out a cylindrical biscuit. We all squinted as he chewed the crunchy morsel expectantly. “Oh! There it is!” He recoiled as he tasted something afoul.

Destructo happily shoved another pig-in-a-blanket into his mouth, and my curiosity got the better of me. Tugging on the box (Destructo was not inclined to share), I plucked out a biscuit, examined it for purity, freshness, and cleanliness, because I would recognize that in a dog biscuit if I saw it, and then bit it in half. Hmmm. Crunchy . . . dry . . . bland . . . dry . . . swallowable, barely. I popped the other half in my mouth, because I don’t like to leave things unfinished.

I shrugged. “Not bad.” My tongue lapped noisily at the parched roof of my mouth, and I couldn’t help scanning the deck for a water bowl.

Destructo enjoyed several more biscuits while our chihuahua waited patiently below him for a morsel to be tossed his direction, while I went for my camera. I mean, is there anything cuter than a two-year-old chowing on dog food?
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28 comments:

Frank said...

Urch!!! For once, I find my self wishing that your powers of imagery were not so acute!!! And the half a pop tart that was my breakfast is now securely lodged in my throat.

The question is, does your grandson now have bright shinny hair and an urge to dig holes in the back yard???

Christina said...

That is so funny. My son was tricked... and coerced by his uncle to eat 'Pup-eroni' dog treats. My son was not happy, but said they weren't that bad. His uncle was greatly amused and got him again later with dog jerky. Some kids never learn.

Midlife Jobhunter said...

My kids survived by raiding the dog's dish. Didn't seem to hurt 'em.

Sarah's Blogtastic Adventures said...

Thank God you got the picture!! : ) That is hilarious!

thedomesticfringe said...

If he got together with my son, they'd really chow down on the dog food. My son thinks it's hysterical to eat dog food. I've never tried it and don't think I will anytime soon.

He's a cutie!
-FringeGirl

Irish Gumbo said...

Ha! Yeah, I suppose they won't hurt you. My Big Bro used to do the same thing when we were little. Eventually I did the same, it wasn't too bad.

Arf! :)

lisa said...

I guess you can never have too much fiber in your diet. Hate to be on the receiving end of this digestive adventure. *yak*

Sweet Cheeks said...

Hilarious!

My brothers used to dare each other to the stupidith degree. I would watch and learn. I think they make dog biscuits out of cats don't they? ;-)

Mary Moore said...

My son, who looks A LOT like Destructo, eats doggy biscuits. He claims they're yummy.

nikkicrumpet said...

LOL well at least we know he comes by his odd desires honestly...sheeesh the whole family is eating the dang things! Ummm could somebody give the poor kid a cookie!!! A PEOPLE COOKIE!

Twenty Four At Heart said...

He's really, really cute ... but I don't think I'd want to change those diapers!

Midlife, menopause, mistakes and random stuff... said...

How precious!!! And, I'm totally giving it to you straight. Seriously :)
Take good care and......

Steady On
Reggie Girl

♥Trina♥ said...

ROFL. That is too funny!

The Dental Maven said...

See if he'll go for a rawhide. That'll help keep the dental bills low.

morethananelectrician said...

I seem to remember talking my older brother in to eating a packet of some kind of soft dogfood that came in packets. Other than some episodes of crapping in the backyard, he has come out relatively unscathed.

Vic said...

I like that his mother was standing there all proud watching him! I hear those things are pretty good for dunking. I'd go for the hot chocolate, though, not the toilet.

breathe said...

nephew. cat box. That's all I'm saying.

The Blue Ridge Gal said...

So did it taste like chicken??

DI
The Blue Ridge Gal

Fragrant Liar said...

Y'all, we still can't keep Destructo out of the pantry where he can lay waste to the dog biscuit box. They don't taste like chicken; they're very bland. So you can understand why dogs refuse to roll over, answer the front door, or pop the top on your beer cans for them. I mean, dogs just aren't that into them. :)

Scary Mommy said...

LOL!!! I can't keep my son away from the dog bowl. It's so bizarre!

midlife slices said...

I'm loving the scene where you're all standing around watching this kid eat dog food and then your curiosity gets to the best of you and the baby gets to watch the adults do it. LOL and ewwwwww......yuck. I pass by a dog food plant when I have to travel to a town nearby and the stench is sickening and I've seen what goes in to those things. Ugh....

Sara said...

This was great! Thanks for the laugh! It's amazing the things that you can catch a two year old doing...

...it's even more amazing that as a mom my instinct isn't to say "E, take the kitty out of the toilet!" but to holler, "Keep him in there while I get my camera!"

The joy of motherhood.

Julie said...

Ahahahahaha. OMG. He doesn't bark now, does he?

michelle said...

I love that you got the camera before you took the box away! That is so fabulous!

Once, my husband kept giving the dog "people food" so I fed him a dog biscuit. "Here, try this." with out letting him see what it was.

Yeah, that didn't go over too well.....

Reinvent Dad said...

I suppose this is exactly the reason Milk Bone makes 'em look like pigs in a blanket hoping to get dog's two-legged friend addicted! I had a high school teacher who ate dog biscuits in class, harmless and healthy fun.

Smart Mouth Broad said...

I was almost to the end before I thought, I've read this before......and then I saw the fine print at the top. It was a great one then and now. I probably said this before too but I forget: My brother got me hooked on milk bone dog biscuits as a kid. I don't think I would like them now but he probably would.

Jill said...

We used to have to yank the milkbones away from my 2 year old. She would give one to the dog and take one for herself. YUCK>> LOL

LegalMist said...

Kids do the strangest things... but a lot of what they are give to eat at preschool / daycare is pretty bland -- animal crackers, saltines, even the overcooked veggies -- so perhaps it isn't too surprising that he liked the bland dog biscuits...

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