February 20, 2009

Face It

Miss America: "Can I sleep with you tonight, Nana?"

Me: "Sure."

Miss America giggles and smiles. "I love you, Nana."

"I love you too. You're my girl."

Miss America, smiling adoringly as she hops into my bed and slides under the covers: "Do you want to talk about my day?"

This is part of our nightly ritual. Tonight, she tells me about getting ready for their trip to Florida to see my parents and we settle in, plumping up pillows, the light from my headboard shining dimly. She shows me her new doll, which is some variation of a Barbie with long purple hair and flippers instead of legs -- an exotic mermaid with an impossibly flat stomach who bends at the hips. Talk about an unrealistic image of a woman. Who do you know that's purple and bends at the hips? Then I realize I'm laying on something hard and pointy, and discover it is Shirtless Ken. And not the Ken of old.

"Whoa," I say. "Now this is a Ken doll. Surfer dude. Look how buff he is. I could use one of these."

Miss America indicates Ken's bare chest with her chubby little fingers, then scrunches up her face. "But you need a new face first."

I stare at her. "A new face?"

She looks at me like a doctor when all hope is lost. "Mmm, yeah."

Now I practically bust a gut. "A new face?!"

She is pleased that I am grinning and giggling at her statement, which escalates into loud laughter. In response, she says in her small voice, "I do good jokes, don't I?"

"I don't get it. What's wrong with my face?"

"Um, you should look in da mirror."

I look over my shoulder at the mirror on my headboard, then look back at her. "It's the lighting."

She looks at me doubtfully.

"How am I going to fix this face?" I say.

"I'll help you in da morning," she says confidently. "You need makeup."

"I need makeup? That's all?"

Again with the scrunchy face. "A LOT of makeup."

Miss America studies me for a moment and gestures with her hand. "You can laugh now."

I scrunch up my face this time. I am slightly hurt but realize that to a five-year-old, I must appear so old as to need carbon dating. I think, how cute and precious she is. Must. Not. Strangle. Her.

"I do good jokes, don't I, Nana?"

I kiss her cheek, set Fish Barbie and K-Buff on the nightstand, and hand her Boudreaux the Bear. "Yeah, real funny. Better sleep with one eye open, kid."


Pearl said...

Adorable and honest. :-) Nana, you are in trouble!!

Christina - Rant Rave Roll said...

That is hilarious! My 8 year old comes up with stuff so funny I sometimes end up laughing so hard I'm crying and have to leave the room.

Sarah Lulu said...

Oh isn't she adorable?
And so are you by the way!

Smart Mouth Broad said...

She's priceless!

Reinvent Dad said...

Funny how honest kids can be when it comes to our flaws, but the complete opposite when it comes to questions like "Who left the door open?"

Kristina P. said...

She's going to be trouble, that one!

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

If she starts talking botox and liposuction, it's time to change the subject.

Unknown said...

Thanks for the heads-up of days to come! My 3 year old grandgirl has not come up with anything like this.......yet!
You are blessed to have such a sweet relationship with this precious girl!


Anonymous said...

So cute! Don't feel badly, my daughter asked me if I helped sew the first American flag.


Anonymous said...

That's okay - this evening I was in the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. When I came out, I looked at The Young One (who is 14) and said, "Your mom is cute."

He looked at me like I had lost my mind and said, "HUH???"

Maybe not, then. *sigh*

Vic said...

My son (six at the time) once helpfully told the neighbor (who had just been complaining about her looks/fishing for a compliment)"You should go on 'Ten Years Younger'!"
She smiled, but she hasn't been too friendly since then.

Unknown said...

My daughter is 11. She used to be cute like that. Then she cut school so now she's just annoying. My new favorite mantra for her is "shut up". Which I say in the most loving way possible... without the F-word in it. ;-)

That Janie Girl said...

I so know how this goes!! She is funny...but she has a long way to go to be as funny as you!

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

I'm coming to visit. I can't deal with the cold and snow anymore!!


Anonymous said...

My step-sister's son used to tell my dad (his grandpa), "Grandpa, you're older than dirt". Dad cracked up every time he said it.

The Blue Ridge Gal

lisahgolden said...

No filter. I have to remind myself of that all the time. I'm 43 and still have to try to remember my own filter.

Still - I'm less than thrilled when my kids point out my forehead crease and my cottage cheese thighs.

Miss America is just precious!

nikkicrumpet said...

HEHEHEHE it's funny as long as they're saying it to someone else. I'm sure I won't be laughing when it's mine telling me how old I am. Gee maybe I don't want grandkids after all!

Twenty Four At Heart said...

It's funny ... because it isn't happening to ME. Remind me not to have any grandkids for awhile ..... I don't think I'm ready for all that honesty.

Frank said...

Makeup Shmakeup... You know you're gorgeous.

When I was younger, I remember wondering what my dad saw in my mom. I thought some of my friend's moms were prettier. But more importantly, I also remember the day when I was older, and I looked at my mother and thought I had never seen a more beautiful lady. (I always saw her that way after that.) Don't worry... Miss America will get there.

Fragrant Liar said...

You guys know that no matter what this little one does, no matter what she says, I am wrapped inescapably and forever around her chubby little fingers, right where she wants me. I thought there'd be no deeper love than what I feel for my own kids. But nanababies finagle the same depth of pure, undiluted love just by being.

Thanks for all your sweet and smart remarks. I love you guys!!


A New England Life said...

There's nothing like a child to tell it just as they see it! Good, bad, or indifferent they have an opinion. hee hee . . .

Anonymous said...

This reminds me of one of my birthdays a few short years ago. My youngest granddaughter, Emily was 4 and my oldest granddaughter, Riley, was 10. Emily looked at me and asked "Grammy, are you still one of us?" I asked what she meant and she put her hands to her cheeks, wiggling her fingers and said, "well, you're getting a little crinkly, so I wondered if you were still one of us." Riley was horrified and told her, "EMILY!! How can you say that?!?! Of course she's still one of us!!!!!!" As for me, I headed for the nearest Estee Lauder counter! LMAO

Anonymous said...

She's adorable, and I think she looks like her Nana so you should remind her that you use to look just like her. Then say..."I make good jokes, huh?" LOL

Out of the mouth of babes.....ya gotta love it all.

Anonymous said...