February 1, 2009

Flippin' Randomness

In honor of my buddy Irish, over at Irish Gumbo, I'm going totally random today. Why? Because IG's randomness has infected me, and I need someone to blame for this 6-day onslaught of the mysterious and insidious non-influenza flu, which my doctor has proclaimed I have.

So, last Wednesday, on the second night of my wretched illness, I get up at 3:00 a.m. to hurl. I haul ass around my king bed in the dark, holding out for porcelain. The vague passageway into my bathroom is the last thing I see; my hands groping for a light switch the last thing I feel.

Flash forward I-don't-know-how-long. I feel some kind of coldness on my back and shoulders. The back of my head is sore. I dream I am laying on a hard surface. Travertine feels good on a nearly naked feverish bod. As I'm rousing, trying to figure out where I am or if I'm still dreaming, I realize I am indeed laying flat out in my bathroom and I still have to hurl. I abandon all attempts to move, and hurl right there -- somehow, into the cat's bowls, which I can't see but can feel between my legs.

WTF?

Mind you, I have a large bathroom, and I am at the far end of it from where I passed out at the doorway. So how did my feet get out so far in front of me, when they had hardly kept up with me before the lights went out? It seems I did a double-twisting front flip and, with perfect aim, landed astraddle the cat's dishes.

After some time at the trough . . . I crawl into the shower. Can't stand up. Head is pounding. I sit under the shower spray till it turns cold. Crawl out of the shower, crawl into bed to begin day 3 of the non-influenza flu. What do doctors know, anyway?

19 comments:

Smart Mouth Broad said...

A random post deserves a random comment. I hope you're feeling better soon. Only you would try out for the Olympic gymnastic team on the way to the toilet to hurl! LOL I love Gumbo too. Just found him and it's true love already. Congrats on your award. Much deserved. Enjoy the game. It's not looking too good for your team right now but anything can happen.

lisa said...

Hope you're on the mend and didn't suffer any brain damage. Although after the Steelers 100 yd. return, the flu doesn't seem so bad after all. :)

p.s. Thanks for the shout-out.

Janie said...

Girlfriend! That sounds like a scary kind of pass out sickness!

Are you going to drag your sick ass to the doctor?

And still, you rallied enough to do awards. Now that is crazy.

Get better, quick.

The Blue Ridge Gal said...

Sounds like what Hubby had a few weeks back... I had a milder version which did not include hurling. GAWD hurling stinks... literally stinks!

Mary Moore said...

Your non-flu flu sounds awful. I hope you're better soon. :o(

Because the crazy is all part of my charm .. said...

I always enjoy a good non-flu flu. After a week of that shit, I'm amazed at how well my pants fit. Ha Anyway, get well!

smiles4u said...

Oh dear I hope you feel better very soon! How scarey to fall like that. Congrats on the awards!

Frank said...

I give you a 9.5 on the flip, and would have gone 10 if you had kept your toes pointed. :)

I know, it hurts when you smile.

That flu is nothing to mess around with. And if you do have a concussion, you shouldn't be alone. Please be careful. Some of us really need your brand of humor. Congrats on the well deserved awards.

Sabrae Carter said...

I was loving the blog post up until the very end when you said GO Cardinals! lol Steelers won!!!! YAY!!!! Is there such a thing as non-influenza flu?? lol

nothingfancy1 said...

Sad day about the Cardinals. I was rooting hard for them and the Warner/Fitzgerald magic almost prevailed. Almost. Sad Day.

Debbie said...

What an experience! Glad you are OK now.

Midlife Slices said...

Seriously, would you mail me something you've breathed on? I need to lose some weight and this looks like my kind of diet.

I hope you're on the mend and the cat has forgiven you for hurling into his/her bowls.

Geri said...

Sorry, my sister said I had to root for the Steelers.

Twenty Four At Heart said...

Feel better - that sounds awful. Yuk!

Midlife Jobhunter said...

Who else but a fragrant liar could make a not-so-funny event into a fun adventure for your readers? Hope you are on the mend.

Stepping Thru said...

Hey girl, I got up in the middle of the night and on my way to the bathroom I got tangled in the bedspread and broke my leg. You gotta watch those night strolls. Hope you're feeling better.

Melissa said...

I know it must have been awful, but that story is so freakin' funny I had to come back to read it a second time!

I almost forgot the obligatory "Get well soon!"
(Totally kidding. Not obligatory at all. Get well soon!)

Raven said...

Hope you are feeling better girl! And I hope your kitty got some brand new bowls! :)

Fragrant Liar said...

Thanks all, I'm feeling much better, and kitty has some shiny clean bowls.

Though the Cards lost, they put up a valiant fight, and for a SuperBowl, it was an awesome game!