February 7, 2009

A State of Flux?

After reading a few racy blog posts recently, I got to thinking how totally tame my blog is compared to much of my old writing, like the feature articles I wrote in Playgirl once upon a time. What used to be a sure-fire way to embarrass my daughters is now referred to in hushed asides or cackled over as entertainment during a girls-only weekend.

Read the one about the merkins! Do the one about the queefs! Does Size Matter? Ex Sex? Tasty Spunk? (Okay, that last one was fiction. Seriously. It did not happen.)

Out of Playgirl mode for a couple years and living with my daughter and her 5- and 2-year-olds have effectively sanded off my saucier edges. I think all women tend to supplant their younger, more adventurous, wild woman for their inner manager and caretaker at some point; and they do it so often and for so long that they sometimes forget how to have fun, how to be adventurous, how to be playful. And when you realize the wild child is still in there -- timid now and nostalgic for the old days -- maybe you're not so sure how to resurrect her or breathe any life back into her at all. Those doubts, that you might not even have known you had, triple in size when you become single again.

Me? I am always self-censoring in case the little ones overhear something; always stashing the porn and paraphernalia into secret hiding places where I forget about them (until the cat drags them out); always walking that fine line between the sassy, sensual, sexual being that I am and the stereotypical cookie-baking midlifer who gives up, gets fat, and goes to knitting classes where she laments cellulite, varicose veins, and thinning lips. I'm not sure what people expect of me these days because while those things are on my radar screen, I still feel like I'm 30-something -- but infinitely smarter, bolder, and sassier. So how is it I still feel like I'm fighting against a stereotype?

Fifty is the new forty. Forty is the new thirty, etc. etc. I agree. But those numbers still carry stock images of what women those ages are supposed to look and act like. Now a lot of us are called cougars, and with that comes a whole 'nother set of misperceptions (and a whole 'nother post). The category of "older women" is in a state of flux, and I'm feeling a bit like I can't win . . . Is it just me? Or do other women feel this way?
.

19 comments:

daisyfae said...

do not go quietly into that night, dear lady! i'm having a blast - it's different in my 46 year old body, but nothing's broken... agree that it's balance. you can find her... don't let her get away!

lisa said...

Your preachin' to the choir sistah!

I'm totally on the same page as you. I can't believe I'm my chronological age - (46) I don't feel it mentally most of the time. Unless, of course, I'm actually talking to a 30 year old and then you realize how many years you have on them.

I try not to act as the typical sterotyped middle aged women. You still need to be playful and mischevious.

P.S. It would be much appreciated if you would please forward all your Playgirl articles to me for night time reading. Thank you. :)

Stepping Thru said...

Word from the wise. DO NOT LET A NUMBER DEFINE YOU. I am 58, soon to be 59 and still feel in my 30's. The 20's weren't so good so I prefer the 30's thank you. My life is less stressful and I am not afraid to just be who I am. Hang in there. It gets better all the time.

Smart Mouth Broad said...

I agree. There seems to be a bit a new SMB peeking around the corner now that that nest is empty. Or could that be the old SMB?

Midlife Slices said...

I have to admit I've been very shocked at the change in my face and body from age 50 to 52. I have no idea why since I can't really blame it on my hysterectomy that was almost 7 years ago at age 45. I'm doing everything I can think of to "fix" things but nothing is changing. Ugh......I hate this freakin aging thing....but I guess it's better than the alternative.

STILLMAGNOLIA said...

Amen! I was thoroughly entertained with your verbalage...and will be back to read some more....as a woman who is one of the new 40's....will soon be 55....I appreciated reading the rantings and ravings of another aged sister. Keep writing and I will keep being here to read it!

Fragrant Liar said...

DaisyFae: I'm just getting started, sister! I'll deal, I'll deal! ;)

Lisa: Age and state of mind are totally incongruous, right? And one of these days I'll drag out the PG articles again.

Steppin' Thru: You're so right. I changed that to 30-something. It's way more accurate. I was a putz in my 20s. Too dumb to know when to get in out of the rain (hence, four kids).

SMB: Interesting, isn't it? Old you, new you? Better you!

MLS: It seems like at some point, the aging process starts going faster! Damn it!

StillMagnolia: Glad you stopped in. We sassy midlifers need to stick together! Change those nasty stereotypes!

Now that I've had a little wine/whine with my Sunday afternoon, I'm feeling a lot better. Helps to know I'm not the only one, and that my sistahs get me!

Midlife, menopause, mistakes and random stuff... said...

I agree.....50 IS the new 40, I say between hot flashes! Your blog is so witty, I love it. AND you read Janet Evanovich and Patricia Cornwell? I'm definately following this blog!!

Thanks for stopping by mine and please come visit again girl.

Steady On
Reggie Girl

Vic said...

I think the whole "cougar" thing is so insulting. "Middle age" needs to be thrown out too. I like this time of my life; wouldn't go back to my twenties for sure, probably not the thirties either (although I wouldn't mind having that body back).

morethananelectrician said...

I don't feel old until I am around a couple of single 20 year olds...then I realize that there IS a difference between 20 and 38...

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

I am about to turn 39 and for the most part still feel 19. And I think in some ways, I get more sexual as I get a bit older. Maybe it comes with being more confident. Or it could be that I'm married to a horn dog..one that makes me feel like I'm lust worthy!!

Hallie :)

nothingfancy1 said...

40 is the new 30? Then how come I look so damn old and my body is falling apart?

Sigh.

Frank said...

To me there is a difference between wild child, and real passion. Media is constantly pushing their plastic values by inundating us with images of younger and tighter as the preferred choice. I like to think I am above average so perhaps my view is too unique to be applied to all middle aged men. However, I find that my meter that once pointed solidly to the crazy side, now points more toward a yearning for emotional as well as physical intimacy. The once out of control fumbling, has been replaced by intentional action. Frequency, has been replaced by quality. (Never thought I would say that.)

Now don’t misunderstand me. I’m not saying that the wild side should die. It definately has its place. I’m just saying that from my perspective, maturity has brought desire that is deeper than I could have imagined, and companionship is a greater part of that equation. And just so you know the sauciness, that I think you hold a patent on, is used with a unique proficiency in your writing, and why I am compelled to read your work.

Beki said...

Does that mean 30 is the new 20? Ack I don't want to relive my 20s. I don't feel old by any means. I just feel like the dating pool needs a dose of chlorine or maybe I just need to find a pool "boy".

Debbie said...

I'm so far out of the game, I couldn't win if I wanted to!

nikkicrumpet said...

When I was single in my late twenties and all the way to my mid 30's I was too busy trying to raise my kids to even worry about whether I was sassy and sexy. I'm just glad I got lucky and found the perfect guy. I sure would hate to be single now....I would be so confused and muddled by the whole dating thing I think I'd just give up and be a nun lol....which would be REALLY tough since I'm not even Catholic lol

3 Bay B Chicks said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
3 Bay B Chicks said...

I think you said it best in your previous post when you wrote, "I have never felt so alive." Although the category by which older women is "defined" is changing, maybe it is really all about how you view yourself and the enjoyment you get out of life.

I'd also like to think that with age comes the wisdom to learn from your mistakes and maybe finally being comfortable in your own skin. Would you agree?

-Francesca

Mo said...

Wow. This resonated with me. I will be 40 this year (40? I vacillate between Oh My God, and Who cares?) and I feel like I'm totally walking that fine line between having fun and being responsible, respectable. This is the point of my life where I have the ability to say "screw it" but I don't. Not enough. I want to be that wild child again, still, but I can't quite let go. I miss that about me. So I'm determined to get it back.