It's time for an announcement, people. I met a really nice guy tonight. No, really. Nice. As in handsome, fit and athletic, driven (and cycled), intelligent and articulate, creative and talented, firm buns and thighs, and already retired. Whoa! Stop the train and back up, people. Firm buns and thighs? I got one word for ya (with a lotta syllables): Ni-i-i-i-i-i-ice!
I know! How did THAT happen? Cuz I don't mind telling you, I am a bad-boy electromagnet. That's like millions of times more powerful than a fridge magnet. 'kay? So how this really nice guy with the firm buns and thighs made such an impact is a damn miracle. Of course, I did personally pick him out of a lineup without even previewing his buns and thighs, so I'm due a little credit here. No, not THAT lineup. Online dating. Although I am quite certain many of those guys online have been in that other kind of lineup. I swear one of 'em is a Featured Fugitive on the FBI's Most Wanted List, right next to Bin Laden. He wasn't wearing a turban, but he had a moustache. A big one, like you could hide box cutters in there.
So I met Mr. Nice Guy with the firm buns and thighs at Little Woodrow's for drinks after I got off work. Two hours went by like thirty! Minutes, that is. He's not short on conversation. I fooled him by being totally quiet and demure. I'm pretty sure he bought it. Ladies, I even got a GIFT! Swe-e-e-e-eet! He gave me a CD of some of his recordings. Did I mention he has a recording studio? And he's a musician?
Honestly, I was afraid of another musician. They're terminally poverty-stricken titty babies. But how can you not love a classically trained violinist – with an AMP!?! I'll bet he can turn that volume all the way up to eleven. And there's no worrying about this musician with the firm buns and thighs crying over his money woes cuz he doesn't need a J.O.B. Whew! That's just one less thing for me to bitch about, you know? And finally, somebody cool in my age range with a hot body. People, after chugging a quart of Cougar Be-Gone, I'm born again. And probably well lubed.
Did I mention he has firm buns and thighs? He only cycles 20+ miles a day. What Mr. Nice Guy doesn't have? A beer belly. Se-e-e-exy!
But, I don't know. We have yet to discuss the deal breaker. I mean, if the guy can't dance, he's totally yesterday's news. Plus, Mr. Nice Guy with the firm buns and thighs is going to have to show me some deal makers, so I can give him a sexier name. Like Mr. Breakfast in Bed, or Mr. Double Two-Step Me into a Sexual Frenzy, or the ultimate Mr. I Heart SYTYCD* too! Hhhhawtt!
So what do you think? Shall I tell him my real name? I mean, just in case he's a keeper.
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* So You Think You Can Dance? = My favorite guilty pleasure on the tube. Don't judge, people.
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The Elusive Spirit of Christmas
1 day ago
48 comments:
Yay! This makes me so happy! I can't wait for the Britney Spears style Vegas wedding.
Hmm I dunno. Is he going to want you to cycle 20+ miles a day along with him? Have you ever seen that episode of Will & Grace where she goes on a bike ride with Leo? That'd be me. But I suppose since he brought you a gift you should at LEAST see him again and find out if he can dance.
Just the words "nice guy" scare me!
Keep us posted ...I need the experience without the fear.
Well it all sounds very promising! When would he get the chance to go dancing, what with the recording stuff and the 20+ miles riding every day! I hope you find out.
You'll know he's a keeper if he comes in from a 20 mile bike ride and he rubs you down.
How's the face? Does it match the buns and thighs?
I'm really happy for you!
Only if I'm the No.1 Bridesmaid. And what the hell is Mr. I Love SYTYCD??? Wait...don't tell me....
And yeah: photos please...he's gotta look good....
When did we meet? LOL! Just tell him your name is Fragrant Liar! HAHA!
Get yourself a pair of them lycra padded knicks. You will need those if you go riding with him on one of them bikes with narrow seats.
Damnit Braja, I want to be Number One bridesmaid! I thought it first, I'm positive of that!
And I want to know what is SYTYCD too! Thank God I'm not the only one in blogland that doesn't know that.
I am SO excited for you Fragrant, he sounds fantatic and I don't know, but wouldn't he, as a musician, know how to dance? As much as I love to dance, not sure I'd make that a deal breaker if he's really and otherwise, a nice guy... with tight buns and thighs.
Yay! Good for you, Honey!
I hope he goes to "Mr. Breakfast in Bed Every Weekend" real soon. (But not too soon now. I'm still a Rules Girl!)
Good luck! :o)
yee HAW! sounds kinda yummy! find out if he's got a brother, or BFF with hot buns/thighs/no gut and let's go out to play!
Sounds like a keeper so far. All that bike riding will ensure he has lots of stamina if you know what I mean.
Yippee! I met my man online...good for you, I think your "man picker" might be fixed!
Sounds like a nice guy and he has firm buns and thighs...SWEET!!!
I have my fingers crossed that Mr. Wonderful can dance...please let him dance.
Hugs,
Karyn
thats awesome...enjoy, and I am digging on his name now, maybe keep it and put one of those hyphens on it.. :-) Have a blast!
Does he have a side-cart on that bike? Phew!
He definitely sounds like someone who deserves several more dates, what with the music, and job, and money, and hawwwt-ness and all. Yum.
OMG - YESSSSSSSSSSS!! Give him your real name for sure! Let's get this thing started already! I am super impressed so far... and def want to hear more.
Go, go, go!
He bikes...maybe you can get one of those cute tandem bikes. Where did you get the Cougar Be Gone - I could use a quart of it.
Okay. Now I'm worried. He looks good.....be wary. He might be 100% self-serving. He exercises. He might like women with buns of steel too. He talks...he might be self-absorbed. He's purty....he might be a serial killer. And in bed....he might be "all cowboy and no cattle".
Must I send condoms??????
I just realized that you aren't on my BLOGGER'S BLOCK. that will be rectified immediately madam.
Wow, talk about a great date! Damn girl, I wanna see his picture now! Don't hold out on me!
And yes, tell him your real name. Whatever the hell that is.
Justine :o )
make him show you his moves before you give him your name.
Just one question; does he have firm buns and thighs?
Buns and Thighs!!
SWEET!!!
Give him your name and IF he doesn't dance, take him for lessons. Sounds like he has all the right equipment ie: nice, tight buns and thighs and no beer belly!
Oh and...You were quiet and demure??
Yay for you!! Gotta love the nice ones that are sane, are stable both emotionally and financially, and firm buns and thighs?? Woohoo!! Jackpot! Sounds like a keeper, so good luck with this one.
You absolutely have to tell Mr. Nice Guy your real name.
I'm a sucker for nice thighs.
How about "Mr. Doesn't Smell Like Cheese?"
I'm happy for you and look forward to reading more of your adventures!
~AM
Firm buns and thighs? No beer belly? Sounds perfect to me.
Cougar Be-Gone?
You crack me up!!
I bet he has a record lol
Wow. I didn't know there were any guys like that left!
Go for it :-)
Yay for firm butt and thighs...and no beer belly! I say have fun and if it feels right tell him your real name.
Go for it! Of course, Bagman is depressed with envy and jealousy but don't let that stop you -- Bagman is imaginary anyway and doesn't really have any actual buns.
LOL...Cougar be gone! Love it!
my question is, if he is so wonderful, with his thighs, buns, and otherwise brain and brawn, why isn't he already taken?
nightmares of those who share their penis everywhere makes me a little squeamish!
you're on your own on this one!
Do not tell him your real name until the double two-step has reached said frenzy.
I only know that because I used to exclusively date tourists.
Or until he watches sytycd with you, start to finish.
Like the sound of the firm butt and thighs though. : )
PLEASE tell me you wouldn't give up a great guy if he can't dance? A person can learn to dance, they can't learn to get a job. I knew a girl who wouldn't date a guy cuz he didn't like Pearl Jam. She's been divorced twice. Women are SO picky!
Nah, I was just kidding about the dancing part. However, he must at least want to LEARN to dance. Which, I kinda think he must. He seems to be game for stuff like that. Yay!
oh you lucky girl!!!he sounds very sexy, i mean the thighs...???!!! the music...and he has got to love your personality and the lovely you!
I'm envious!!!
Xo
Wait till after the third date! : )
OK foul on the damn play! I've been internet dating for months and can't find a decent one, and you land a good one the first damn week?
I do NOT like you anymore.
Go for it. Has he given his real name? All's fair in...well, you know.
~Titty baby
Good for you! Isn't it so exciting when you meet someone you really dig? Fingers crossed!
omg i can't wait until he turns into mr. breakfast in bed! he sounds awesome!
A violin? For sure he's a keeper! Or at least he's worthy of a long-term try out.
LOL @ tittie babies! My husband is a musician! I GET that!
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