Ahead of My Time

This is me at 17, just before my high school graduation ceremony. Note the exquisite babydoll dress, which I made myself, because I was crafty once upon a time.

Of course, my mother may have supervised and she may have cussed her way through the harder parts, since the fabric was slick as gooseshit (beloved family expression) and didn’t cooperate, and sometimes even the voice of experience struggles to make the magic happen. Ten years were shaved off my mother’s life after the thrill of sewing with satin and silk (plus her voice of experience said something about not being able to stand seeing me in that "fucking thing" afterwards), but then she quit smoking and added a few years back on, so odds are she will still be around to drop it like it's hot on the front porch with me. Right, Ma?

Notice also the length of the exquisite babydoll dress. In a super mini, if you bend over even just a little, the mystery is over. Indisputable fact. No, I’m not namin’ names of those suddenly in the know (like Heathen). But it was 1973. Minis were all the rage and we didn't give a shit about mystery (unless we're talkin' Kolchak in the Nightstalker), especially if it had anything to do with Watergate or Deep Throat. Plus, we could only laugh at every mention of Deep Throat, cuz maturity was for nerds. But just so that history won’t repeat itself, I should inform the modern masses: if you have to drone on and on that you are not a crook? You are one.

Note also the blue eye shadow and the long, wavy hair. Was I rockin’ it or what? Well, except for the pantyhose. I guess you saw the sheen on my thighs? Pantyhose has thankfully gone the way of the 8-track player (although who didn’t love the Doobie Brothers singing China Grove or Jesus is Just Alright on 8-track? Bitchin, man!). But let the record show, I’m Xtremely distraught that after all this time no substitution for pantyhose has been invented. In cold weather, what woman wants to go out bare legged, especially in a mini? People, we can send a freakin' multi-billion-dollar camera to Saturn's rings, but we can't come up with a workable alternative to hosiery? Pathetic.

All this to say, fads go around and then roll back around when designers can say, "Hey, look, something totally never done before!" Babydolls, minis, rainbow eye shadows, wavy hair, and platform shoes (no you can't see them, but they're there!) – all back in vogue. I was so freakin' ahead of my time back then.
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