October 21, 2009

Deal Makers

I previously published a Deal Breakers post wherein I laid out the characteristics I simply won't tolerate in a man/partner/sex god. Since then, I've been asked many times what the Deal Makers would be. So here they are, in no particular order, if any guy can measure up:

  1. Intelligent. He must get my Spockiavellian logic—and my jokes.
  2. Flutter-worthy. I must get flutters in my stomach when I know I get to see him.
  3. Sexy. He must make me wonder what's goin' on under those jeans—without trying—and he must only have eyes for me.
  4. Pet-lover. Must love dogs, but more importantly, must love cats.
  5. Financially stable. Must have his own bank account. One with something in it. Oh, and a little extra to fly me to exotic locales around the world. And Phoenix. And the moon.
  6. Foodie. He must love to cook. I gotta eat, people.
  7. Humor. He must laugh hysterically, or at least enthusiastically, at my irreverence, and he must never diss it by calling it "baudy." Although, I do like baudy. Nasty is a fun word too. And vagina. Don't you love those words? And he's got to be able to give it back to me. No shrinking irises. Make me laugh, dude.
  8. Travel bug. He must have a "let's get outta here" button, as I am bored of staying home.
  9. Family guy. He must have been there, done that with the young family and the exes. He must feel at ease with all manner of rugrats, including the rowdier ones, like my precious Destructo. I have graduated from sippy cups to wine tastings, but family is True North.
  10. Standup guy. This applies to being who he says he is and walking the talk. Also, I like it when a guy pretends he's on stage and tries to make me laugh. Oh wait, that's #7, Humor. Okay then, I'll go with Standup and Strip. Stripping is good on stage. With or without bump-and-grind music, handcuffs, and tear-away leathers; I'm not picky.
  11. Playful. He must be quick and easy with a smile. He must not be afraid of pillow fights, too cool to dance in the rain (naked, if required by me), or too timid for Spin the Bottle.
  12. Affectionate. In private or in public. No exceptions. If I want a kiss while standing in the grocery line holding a cucumber, I want a kiss! And it better be a pirate kiss too. He must like to hold my hand, just because.
  13. Supportive. I have dreams, people. He must want me to succeed. He must be happy to encourage me to shoot for the stars, despite that they're a long way off, and he must make sure I have plenty of sustenance for the trip (see #6, Foodie).
  14. Tolerant. Yes, I admit. I have quirks. He must be totally enamored with me so he can man-up when I get huffy and cuss (or shoot the bird) in public, which is like almost fucking never, but it could happen and then he would have to abandon his shock and embarrassment and say, "It's okay, baby, your mouth is beautiful and you still rock my world." See how that works?
  15. Adoration. Yes, he must enthusiastically adore every nook and cranny of my glorious fanny, and all my other glorious stuff. But more importantly, he must really, really like me even when I'm not so likeable. Aaaah-ha-ha-ha-ha! As if I'm not a total freakin' saint! Am I right?
  16. Honest. He must be the man he says he is and always tell the truth. He must also be savvy enough to lie to me about my butt or my double chin when that is what I need to hear.
  17. Inspirational. He must inspire trust and optimism and hope for a dreamy future. I don't mind seeing god once in a while, like during sex, but I'm not going to church for that stuff.
  18. A rock. I must feel safe and secure with him. He must protect me from big, hairy, scary monsters. Although I'm a big girl with, shall we say, sass and attitude, he must still have my back.
  19. Self-possessed. He must know who he is and be comfortable in his own skin. Plus, he must accept who I am, and not want to change me or force any sort of religulosity on me. I am a heathen till the end. That probably comes as a shock to you.
  20. Rockin'. Yeah, I said rockin'. He must rock my world with his awesomeness.
I'm sure I left out some other stuff that would be kinda nice to get all rolled up in this one package, but as it is, this is a tough list to ace for any guy. Unless he's Mr. Perfect. You out there, dude?

40 comments:

♥ Braja said...

Holy crap, this post makes me happy :)))
xoxo

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

So,when you find him, clone him and send him out to all of us! K?

Kristina P. said...

He is a hottie!

♥ Braja said...

And I bet he WILL two step your little tush around the dance floor :)

MJ's doghouse said...

mr fine has beautiful eyes....my think that isnt on your list is that when he walks into a room and i am not expecting him...i get perma grin...

mo.stoneskin said...

Wonder? Surely there is only one thing that could be going on under those jeans?!

Every time I come here on my damn BB I see the quote up top first, it fills the damn screen and I start to analyse it intently...

...again.

midlife slices said...

Oh yes....he is FINE! But good golly woman, a man that perfect (the list) must be an alien. Have you checked to make sure he bleeds the real red stuff???

Sarah Lulu said...

I feel inspired enough to believe magic could even happen to me!

G'day Mr Fine ... honeymoon in Australia?

The Peach Tart said...

That's a great list. Let us know about his dancing skills because you know what Mama says "if you can't dance, you can't F**K.

foxy said...

Well... hellllllllo there, Mr. Fine!! Can't wait to meet the deal-freakin-MAKER! That is awesome!

Secretia said...

That was actually wonderful. You are both lucky! may it be so forever!

Sincerely, Secretia

Pop and Ice said...

It' just so wonderful to find the guy that makes your heart flutter!

daisyfae said...

yee-HAW! this is a happy post!

ps: he got a brother? i'm down to restocking the bench...

otin said...

Mr. Fine is a lucky Dude! I think I got an 80 on your test!!! A B is not too bad!! lol

Gaelyn said...

If you find another one with all those Deal Makers, let me know. Your Mr Fine looks divine.
Now what about the your deals, what you have to offer?

Vegas Linda Lou said...

So glad to see you're such a happy girl these days! Good for you!

Beth said...

You just described my husband! Sorry. I'm not sharing. :)

I love your list! It is fun!

blognut said...

Awesome list!

When will you find out if he can two-step? I think it bears checking!

Bella said...

Can you loan him out for parties?

LOL

Love the list, I couldn't have said it better myself!

and hey, he's smokin! but so are you dahlin'!

so go on, rock the dance floor you two...while the rest of us sit and watch...and wait...and pout...LOL...

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

That was quite a list Mr Fine made it through. I'm thinking he can two step your ass off no problemo.

Jocelyn said...

He. is. adorable.

Worthy.

I was getting worried you were after my husband there, as I read your list. Thank heavens for the Pet Lovers caveat, or you would have described my man perfectly.

So you have your Mr. Fine, and I have mind, sans pets.

Candice said...

You forgot the one that states he must pack a louisville slugger in his pants.

Just sayin.

Midlife Jobhunter said...

I hear the Broken Spoke calling.

The Jules said...

lol - you must be beating them off with a shitty stick with those low standards!

nothingfancy1 said...

He sounds perfect!

Gaston Studio said...

OMG, he's gorgeous, but I wouldn't have expected from you Fragrant!!

Love your list of deal makers, as I would have said the same things... when I was much younger.

Pearl said...

I'm gonna need a copy of that guy...

Pearl

U R U! said...

This is the best post ever!

Where was it and blog land 17 years ago when I met my hubby? There are those days when I question many a "deal makers" that we settle with or cross off our list when "lost in love" and then years later those we overlooked come back to bite us in the ass!!

Divine Chaos said...

I'm lovin' your deal makers, lady. I have many of the same ;)

smiles4u said...

How awesome is this?! You have surely made me smile tonight! It's been awhile since I've been around the blog world so I was wondering how things were going with Mr. Fine and now I know. How wonderful for you and him. You are so right...he is a Mr. Fine. You so deserve this! I love this list...very good list of qualities...I am so thankful I found my guy that was my deal maker! Hope you have found yours!XXOO Lori

steppinthru said...

Deal Makers......all good and he looks mighty fine too. So very happy for you!

Janie at Sounding Forth said...

SWEET! I'm excited for you!!

Smart Mouth Broad said...

He is mighty Mr. Fine. I'm so happy for you. And for him. :-)

Irish Gumbo said...

Good on ya, and him, lucky fella.

BTW, what exactly is a pirate kiss?

Wait, do i really want to know that? :)

Madame DeFarge said...

I like the sound of you more and more with every post. And now I'm feeling totally jealous of this fine man you have too. He looks fab.

Julie said...

He has a brother for me, right? C'mon, help a sister out here!

PS. Congrats, even if I'm jealous.

carma said...

Get to two-steppin'! If he passed the Deal Makers test, I'd let it slide if you find out he has two left feet though...

Twenty Four At Heart said...

I want one!
Oh wait ... I'm already married.
Can I have one anyway?

Hit 40 said...

How fabulous!! I love the beautiful words that you wrote to describe your husband. Outstanding!!!

creative kerfuffle said...

love to hear the happiness in your post : ) mr fine sounds too good to be true : ) he does have nice eyes : )