December 27, 2009

I Hereby Don't Resolve to Achieve Something

The 2010 New Year is upon us, and everybody in Bloggyville is talking about resolutions. Shyaaaah! Don't you people realize? A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other! I have been down this road before, most recently in 2009, and I totally don't remember a thing I vowed to do. Partly, I was medicated. Other partly, I'm a shoot-from-the-hip kind of girl anyway and . . . well, I forget stuff.

So what point is there in setting you people up with expectations I will never meet? I'd be all, "My glorious resolutions are blah, blah, blah," and then go off on a tangent neither of us was expecting, upsetting the delicate balance of our relationship. Like when I say, "I resolve to be less irreverent." Bwaaah-ha-ha! That's totally not happenin', but you get my point that then reverting to frat-boy humor with Penis Week would just make me a big fat, um, liar. Who needs that kind of pressure? I'm entirely too fragile.

I'd rather go with the flow and then switch things up when it feels right or when it feels wrong. I am messy like that. Inadvertently, I may disappoint people. I will totally feel sucky about it, but I'm cool with change. It's accountability that bites me in the ass when I'm just not ready to commit and/or I forget I'm supposed to do something. I would have to guilt myself when I don't spring forth with an exuberant "SCORE!" and even my best friends (those bitches) would gladly buy me a ticket on the Flagellation Freighter.

And frankly, this Christmas I'm just too full of casseroles and cookies to submit myself to the public scrutiny of a failed resolution. Instead, how about if I just let you know if I achieve something -- anything -- if and when I remember. I'll be like your personal reporter, on the scene, the moment I make my parents proud--I swear to you, that has happened before. What it was . . . I forget.
.

56 comments:

Bella said...

hey grrrl, I'm with you! I don't make resolutions I have to stress over to keep! I resolve to being me, that's it! take it or leave it!

Candice said...

I resolve to be a lazy fat ass.

I can't screw that one up.

Wildernesschic said...

In my world resolutions are pointless too ... So I never make them .. I am grateful to achieve anything adn thats usually by accident .. Enjoy your New Year .. thank you for stopping by my blog and taking the time to comment x

otin said...

I think that the best way about it is to go the other way! Instead of vowing to lose weight, just make a new years resolution that you will not reach 300 lbs! That's more realistic in my case! haha!

Kristina P. said...

I am a little sad that my nudity resolution is coming to a close.

Beth said...

I make resolutions to do things I LIKE. Like eat more peanut butter. Wear more green. No need for any big changes.

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

I agree. I don't make resolutions, because generally they last for all of 5 minutes, and after dealing with my two kids, I'm too dang tired to resolve to do anything but not kill them.

Secretia said...

I resolve to eat low fat everything, except cake.

Secretia

TechnoBabe said...

I like the trend you are setting in this post. Why pretend we are going to make a superhuman change when we know it's not true. I'd rather be known for my honesty than for a big belly flop.

Selma said...

I find making resolutions stresses me more than not making them so this year I'm not going to make any and just go with the flow. Except for one - I resolve to procrastinate A LOT. That is one I know I can do!

Brian Miller said...

resolutions? i think about them on new years, and usually forget them by the time i wake up...

Pearl said...

This year's goal? To be able to stand on my head.

What? Yes, I'm serious!

HNY!

Pearl

powdergirl said...

Sigh, I have no resolve. Which is no problem at all, until I start making resolutions.

So I just don't.

Resolutions are for drunk people, anyway.

So I guess, ask me again when I'm drunk, shouldn't be too long now.

Olde Baggs n Stuft Shirts by LindaOma said...

When I was younger, back in the Ice Age, I gave a big one about being traditional and wanted everyone to think I was a lifetime team player when it came to celebration of the holidays....like resolutions for New Years. Now that I am older than dirt, I don't give a big one. I resolve to be happy upon waking in the morning and that's as good as it is gonna get.
Snarky is the new black, so you go girl, I adore your style. Linda in New Mexico (your next door neighbor)

suziart said...

I like Linda, by the way!

About the resolution thingy...forghet abhout it...I have enough pressure, let alone that sh*t. Just getting out of bed and putting on make-up has been a big achievement for me lately...don't ya love a 50 yr old in mid life crisis-mode!!!
XoXo!!!

Lee said...

Yes, you can always tell us that you met them...how would we know any different.

We would HATE you, of course.

Under the Influence said...

I don't even pretend to have a New Year's Resolution.

TSannie said...

I resolve....to not reslove...that just might work.
I do think your idea is purely excellent!

blognut said...

I think you are a genius.

Eternally Distracted said...

Sounds fabulous to me...Amen

Suzy said...

I've never made a resolution. Also, a bed.

Eva Gallant said...

What a great post! Loved it!

Thanks for dropping by my blog!

Doctor FTSE said...

I have a question.

Why do men think fairies - i mean real fairies, the little people with wings - are female, whereas the ladies seem to think fairies are male. (see recent posts and comments on posts between myself as team blogger on "Something For The Weekend, Sir?" and this blog's host/ess - Fragrant Liar) Perhaps s/he has a view? The fairy on our Christmas tree is certainly a female. Unless it's a gentleman fairy in a long white dress. Such has been known.

Why don't I shut up?

foxy said...

I'm with you. Resolutions are overrated and I've never kept one myself. You know, come to think of it... when I stopped smoking, I started that one on FEBRUARY 1st because I knew I'd fail if I put the hex of the "new year resolution" on it. And I was successful. Maybe this year, I'll wait until February 1st to get serious about working out... then it should stick, right?

California Girl said...

Um, yes, you are correct. Last January I resolved the usual: lose weight, stop drinking, exercise more, be kinder to all concerned, etc.

I did lose weight but it's slowly creeping back. I did not stop drinking and my exercise routine goes from exuberance to "I don't have time." As for being kinder? Well, I upped my meds and THAT seems to contribute.

Happy Unresolved New Year!

injaynesworld said...

So HERE you are! I've been trying to track you down from some of the great comments you've left me and finally saw your link over at NGIP. You're a rockin' writer, girlfriend and now I'm going to go proudly deposit my tiny head in your sidebar and then go back to IJW and finish my post on this subject. Happy New Year...

Jayne

Charmaine said...

I caught wind of you over at Braja's blog. You mentioned a chant you practise when you can't sleep. Hare Krishna.

Braja send me a mantra. The only lyric I could decipher went, "Oh Hare Krisha, I think I have a beer in my ear".

So much for speaking Indian.

You said you were "indecipherable" so I HAD to check you out. and you delivered, you are intelligent and irreverant. MY FAVORITE things.

So now, what is that chant? I've been up all night. Tylenol PM or chant...I can't decide.

Joanna Jenkins said...

That works for me!
Happy New Year

Train Wreck said...

OoooOoh I like you! You are definately my kinda friend. lol Naw it wasn't beer, or I am sure he would have had his head down there too. he he
Resolutions...why do we torture ourselves? I like how you think. I relove not to resolve. Thanks for stopping by. I may now be tagging along your with your paparazzi.:) Have a Fabulous New Year!

Sea Witch said...

Resolutions? We don't need no steenk'in resolution! Sea Witch

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I'm with you--I'm too full of cookies, cake and candy to resolve to do anything. Except maybe throw the crumby residue of overindulgence away.

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

"something that goes in one year and out the other!" GASP! Did you just make that up? That's brilliant!

Well, as you can probably tell by my list of resolutions, I'm not one to make them either.

Thanks for playing with us today!

- Margaret

Leeuna said...

Several years ago I made a resolution to NEVER again make a resolution. So far that's the only one I've kept.

LMAO at your term "In one year and out the other". That about sums it up.

Valerie Neal said...

Stopping by from Nanny Goats in Panties, I like your way of thinking!!!

fingers said...

I firmly intend to keep pretending I've given up smoking. I've gone nearly a month now without actually giving up, so I'm determined not to give for real up now that I'm so close to my goal...

bernthis said...

i hear ya. My big one is just to keep moving forward. I've done that and I just use the day as a time to remind myself to keep going.

Alison said...

It is very trendy to be goal-driven, and I'm just not! Sure I have an idea of what's going on, but basically I just let my life unfold. So no new year resolutions for me! :-) Thanks for popping by and leaving a comment on my Blog. What I was wondering was - if our Christmas is very much like your Thanksgiving, what is your Christmas like?

Richard @ The Bewildered Brit said...

After days of gluttony and sociability, we are at our weakest on New Year's day and liable to resolve to do anything! :D

New Year's resolutions are cruel, cruel things! :D

Pastor Sharon said...

I really LOVE your honesty! This is the best resolution ever. . .

Jason, as himself said...

Yep.

I love Candice's resolution.

Smart Mouth Broad said...

Brilliant! I'm taking your lead and making my resolution to make no resolutions. Everyone knows I'm going to lose and gain the same darn five over and over again anyway.

phd in yogurtry said...

You got the right attitude! If anything, and usually in January there isn't much of an anything resolution wise, I try to choose ONE.THING to work on. Walk more. The end. Or, eat one piece of fruit every day. Or, this year, I might, MIGHT work on single serving dinners. No second helpings.

Guess I'd better buy bigger plates, huh?

The Things We Carried said...

Oh you crack me up :)!

Alix said...

I am messy like that.

Me too! Me too! But Joanna Jenkins and I have decided we need to curtail our spicy tongues in 2010 and not curse quite so much. That's gonna be tough. I LOVE me some good swearing, goddammit.

The Peach Tart said...

Ha! Yes I've been pondering this same topic.

Hilary said...

But it you resolve not to resolve and you screw that up.. then what? ;)

Have a great new year.

Gaston Studio said...

You've definitely got the best attitude about resolutions Fragrant!!

Jen said...

I make 'em and break 'em. I still like the challenge for about a week. Mine aren't too hard this year...I'm looking for a pair of jeans that don't show my ass when I bend over.

Lisa said...

Wait, wait. WAIT! If I don't at least use Jan. 1 as my starting point to do all the stuff that's good for me, how do I justify the food/alcohol/lack of exercise/other bad habits too ghastly to mention that I've been indulging in with the excuse that this all "stops on Jan. 1?"

Don't answer that.

I'm in. Expectations? Set way low. Will get back to you when I drop 70lbs and have my book published.

Happy 2010!

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

My resolution? To NOT run for President. Should be easy.

That's me....keep the bar low!

Hallie :)

Midlife Jobhunter said...

Hahahahahahaha! A+, my dear liar.


"I'd rather go with the flow and then switch things up when it feels right or when it feels wrong"

Girls gotta do what a girls gotta do. Flagellation Freighter - sometimes a great ride.

Congrats on over 300 followers. You rock! Send some my way. Share, share with your bitchy friends.

Nezzy said...

This Ozarks farm chick does not do resolutions for exactly the same reason..."in one year and out the other"! You crack me up. I take it one day at a time, baby!

Have a wonderful New Year from the hills and hollers of the Missouri Ozarks!!!

diane said...

I can't believe how much I've missed since the last time I was here. zombie rats and SOSing cats. There was so much more, but....I forget.
Happy New Year. xo

Jennifer said...

Wow, I just wrote a WHOLE POST on the subject of resolutions I can't keep. I am way too lazy to keep resolutions, so I came up with some that are attainable!! See you next year!!

carma said...

One of my lifetime goals has been to achieve something - anything at this point -- I'll also keep you posted should that manage to happen :D

chocolate and whine said...

I love this post. Love love love it. LOVE. It could have been written for me. (I'd say "by" me, but you're much better.) Then I went and made a resolution after I resolved not to. It's the SECOND and already I've failed. Awesome.