December 13, 2009

Sixty-Two Pricks

No, it's not Penis Week yet, people. Settle down. This is about the pricks that got my back. Sixty-two of 'em. They go by names like Timothy, Hackberry, Juniper, Alternaria, Bermuda, Ragweed, Cocklebur, Candida, and Johnson. I feel so used.

Why did I allow myself to be pricked so many times in one afternoon? Well, to find out just what's making your eyes drip like Niagara and your nasal passages close up like Tiger's wife's knees, you gotta have pricks. (Even though that analogy was tacky, I think Mrs. Woods would agree with me cuz she got the biggest prick of all.) So . . . yeah, sharp, painful pricks to the delicate skin of your very sensitive back, laced with pure itch factor.

No, this is not me.
For each prick, the degree to which the pricked site swells is the degree to which you are allergic and therefore need antihistamines. If the pricked site doesn't show a clear result (by which I mean, if that spot doesn't welt up, glow like a siren, and make you as the prickEE want to claw the eyes out of your prickER), the fun is amped up even more. Nursilla, who is probably a nice person outside of her prick-happiness, injects a more concentrated form of the itch factor into your unsuspecting upper arm. In mine, I got 21, bringing my grand prick total to 83. More pricks than one woman can stand, I assure you. Results are immediate, and once again, I am allergic to everything. Most notably, pricks.

As an aside, this experience has left me twitching and flinching whenever someone invades my personal space from behind. I am not currently accepting any more pricks.

They say if you move to Austin without any allergies, you will acquire them faster than you can say "Ah-choo!" I've been here since '93, so I didn't need a bunch of pricks to tell me I had allergies, but at least now all my pricks have names and I can use protection whenever they come to town.

57 comments:

Brian Miller said...

yikes!

Secretia said...

That's funny as hell, only one prick had an effect on you? ha ha.

Hope they cure your problem though.

Secretia

Irish Gumbo said...

Ouch.

I suppose I have nothing to worry about, you won't be allergic to me! Whew! Well, maybe a part of me. I mean, I'm not a prick...I suppose it could be said i have a...oh, wait...well, you know what I mean. Okay I'll just shut up now :)

The Giraffe Head Tree said...

I truly enjoy your prickly sense of humor. Ick on pricks is what I say. Keep your back to the wall and open another bottle of wine...Merry Christmas!

daisyfae said...

i thought from the title of the post you were writing about my professional colleagues... sounds awful, in any case.

Kristina P. said...

Maybe that's why I have red welts all over my body. Aliens must be doing an allergy test on me. Or, I am allergic to magnesium supplements. Boo.

TechnoBabe said...

My hubby has been suggesting I have the allergy testing done, but after seeing your back with all those pricks, I think I will stick with one. Oops.

Susan Anderson said...

LOL! I love that post :)

Vodka Mom said...

Um. I just lost my appetite! But thanks for my new diet plan. I'll just click over here EACH MORNING and take a peek at your back.

that ought to do it.

:-)

Snappy Di said...

Ya, Arizona used to be where doctors would send you if you had midwest allergies. Now with all the trees and grass people have planted there it is no longer the place to be if you have allergies. I think now they send you to Mars. :-)

Di
The Blue Ridge Gal

Jules said...

I had that done. It said I was allergic to dust mites (ok, but I'm not sleeping on plastic), chocolate (yeah, whatever), cats (uh, huh, I have six), and pretty much everything outside. So, Zyrtec D and I are good friends.

Grace said...

I feel your pain--literally. When I had my prick test done, I ended up having to get an antihistamine shot due to my extreme reaction. To dust mites. Major FML moment there.

Bella said...

Yikes! grrrrl, you are a glutton for punishment; first the bladder surgery and then this? I hope they get you fixed up with something to stop your allergy problem, surely there had to be an easier way...

only a movie said...

Ack! I've had this done more than a few times. Every time you move to a different climate... new things to be allergic to.

Not fun, but you made a funny post of it!

BeautifulWreck said...

Holy cow! OUCH!!!

rxBambi said...

Huh. All I had to do was blow boogers into wax paper.

One prick is all I can handle anyway.

Ellen said...

Ooh, I feel your pain. I had that done a few years ago and since I didn't react to the pricks on my back, they had to repeat them on my arms - therefore, I got 124 pricks. And I reacted to the ones on my arms, but only for molds and dust mites.

Feel better.

blognut said...

No fair!!! You got me all excited with your title and then grossed me out with your pricky picture.

Dude. Just take allergy drugs and don't worry about the cause/s of the drippy nose and eyes!

Alix said...

PENIS WEEK!!! Oh, I'm so happy I didn't miss it.

I knew immediately you had an allergy test. Looks nasty and a bit uncomfy, but you have one hell of a sexy back. So once all that S&M clears up, you'll be back in your backless numbers pronto.

Hope your allergies clear up and make all this worth the aggravation!

otin said...

I thought I was on the Jenna Jameson site for a minute...LOL!

Do you know what kind of comment that I could write here!! OMG

seriously though, I hope that you get your allergy problems taken care of because they really suck!

Menopausal New Mom said...

Holy Shit, that must be so itchy! Looks like you are going to be on antihistamines for life!

Skye said...

Ah, the beauty of Central Texas...

Jason, as himself said...

No, no, no. I would much rather read about 62 of the other kind of pricks.

Barefoot Dreamer said...

I have a prick effecting me - luckily it is not an allergy! but some days I swear I am allergic to him :)

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

I feel your pain! I had allergy testing done and they included the foods too so all in all, it was quite a few pricks. I love the nurse's calm demeanor..."Now if you start feeling like you can't breathe, please let me know and we can give you a quick shot of epinephrine."

Forget having trouble breathing, I was starting to feel like an itching oompa loompa.

At least you know the things you are allergic too. Did you say Johnson? You're allergic to that too? Pity....you may have to just keep the epi pen close by.

phd in yogurtry said...

So you've had your fill of pricks, eh? (ouch, sorry, couldn't resist)

On a more serious, empathic note:

Ooh, that looks sooo uncomfortable. Very sorry. I've always wondered what this looked like, so thanks for posting.

From my unexperienced chair, it seems to me you've got a LOT of red, swollen splotches. Cannot be good. So what are your major allergens? Are they the airborn pollens or are there any foods?

I came to Austin stupidly believing people are either born with allergies or without. I was smugly in the "I have no allergies" category and thus assumed "I will never have allergies."

WRONG.

Welcome to Austin's smorgasbord of airborne toxins. Molds are my mortal enemy. But I do wonder if there are more and which ones.

Divine Chaos said...

oh you poor thing, I can so relate. I had to have all those shots when I was a kid .. except they did them in my arms. Hope the itchy goes away quick!!

Joanna Jenkins said...

YOU. POOR. THING!!!!!

Hope you are feeling better and NVER have to do that again.

xo

Shrinky said...

Ye Gods, that looks painful - what a brave bunny you are, I would have just had to punch nursilla's light out in exchange (only fair). Hope the torture pays off soon.

mo.stoneskin said...

Ouch, you're making me feel queezy.

Jeanne said...

I've come to the conclusion that I'm only allergic to two things: food and air.

From the looks of your back, you're right there with me.

Bummer.

(I seriously need to get over here more often. I'd forgotten how funny you are -- and I really needed that this morning.)

Lola said...

When I got pricked, they pricked my arm only and told me I wasn't allergic to anything. Explains the constant itchy, watery eyes and the runny nose I have most days.

I'm going to call that allergist right now and offer up my back. Pricks don't bother me a bit ;)

Gaston Studio said...

ROFLMAO, spitting coffee all over the keyboard... at this post!!!

Totally agree with you about protecting my personal back space... don't sneak up on me, man!

Seriously hope your allergies are better after all those little pricks.

Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

omg! ARE you allergic to so many things!! yikes!! hope your doc was able to make you feel better after that!

Pastor Sharon said...

Oh my. Well that just makes me itch all over!

The Things We Carried said...

Ouch! But knowing may be worth it!

Richard @ The Bewildered Brit said...

Ow!

I had something like this done to me a few years back. It wasn't so much the little pricks that hurt (!!!), it was more that it itched like the dickens for hours afterwards!

Miss Yvonne said...

I had this done to me when I was 10 years old. I was pretty sure that my mom was just doing it to punish me for staying outside past 5:30pm. It was awful! Worst part was that I ended up only being allergic to mold and dust. Ummmm, isn't EVERYONE allergic to that???

tattytiara said...

People have been recommending that I get an allergy test. I'd been considering it.

I'm not considering it anymore.

Little Ms Blogger said...

Ouch...sorry that you're so allergic to most everything...

Is it wrong that I think this looks like a connect-the-dot page you'd find in a coloring book.

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

OUCH! Just another confirmation that pricks can be annoying... ;)

Pat said...

I never thought I could have too many pricks, but obviously I was wrong. You poor baby. I was tested for allergies a long time ago, but they made little pricks on my arms.

Love your sense of humor!

smiles4u said...

Ouch! Damn pricks!

powdergirl said...

OT. Oh MY God! Your new Princess Shaboobka is soooo gorgeous! congratulations!

Back on topic, oh man, that looks like no fun at all. You should spend a few long days at a hypo allergenic spa to compensate yourself for that prickish torture. I would totally have fainted.

Nice back though : )

Madame DeFarge said...

If I didn't feel so bad for you, I'd be chortling. This is a very impressive set of jabs. Easier to lie on a bed of nails.

midlife slices said...

I've had a few pricks in my life too and took all the shots and nothing worked until I started sinus rinsing. It's gross but it works. Those damn allergy shots about killed me!!!

p.s. You got some 'splainin to do about the comment you left at my place.

Jocelyn said...

I'm startin' to think you might be a little naughty, Miss Nun.

Hee-hee. I admire how you never let an opportunity slide by for a clever but, em, earthy joke.

And that picture of the back there? Reminds me of Gwyneth Paltrow in LES LIASIONS DANGEREUSES, when she gets her back all suction-cupped when she's really sick.

Or, wait, was that Michelle Pfeiffer?

Or was it Gwyneth in real life?

I've officially just exploded from information overload.

♥ Braja said...

as soon as i saw the title i laughed......love it :)

And all that for one little prick? typical....

Joker_SATX said...

I have had this done when I was a kid. Yeah, I know what its like. I have solved all my allergy related issues...no thanks to the medical profession.

slacker-chick said...

I'm so sorry, you're allergic to "Johnson"? You know what that's a euphemism for doncha? my bad....

Chris H said...

OMG you are allergic to HEAPS of things! You poor bugger. Hope none of them were ice cream or chocolate! that would be really sad.

Stepping said...

Man you really had some severe reactions. Hopefully they will be able to get you something to help with all your allergies. As for the pricks.....well.....loved your comment about Tiger's wife. It make me really laugh out loud. :-)

Suburban Scream said...

I feel like I have to shower just reading this. And I thought *I'd* had a lot of pricks in my time...

Hope you're ... healing?... nicely.

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

Dang! Now I'm jealous because I didn't take a picture of my back after having that same thing done so no blog picture for me. So when I blog about my allergy thing, can I borrow your picture and say it's mine? Hell, I'll tell everybody it's yours cuz it still gets my point across and it might be kind of funny.

Midlife Jobhunter said...

Wow, I'm thinking I should do that. Sudden new allergy to pool water. Now how will I exercise.

Hope your sniffles are better. And the "pricks".

ModernMom said...

Scratch scratch...hope it was worth it!!

Mrs4444 said...

Wow. You have a delightful writing style. This was funny! (sorry :)