In yesterday's post, I used this picture of a sexy almost-naked guy who's obviously an underwear model. Mr. Hunk-with-Junk-in-His-Trunks is also Swedish soccer player Freddie Ljungberg, but he may be better suited for his Calvin Klein gig, right? I mean, is there a woman in the Milky Way galaxy who disagrees with me? Hmm? Anyone?
So sitting beside me on the couch when I pull up my blog on my laptop, Miss America's eyes catch on Mr. HWJIHT. She points to his picture with her tiny finger. "What's in his pants?" she asks.
My first reaction is to giggle. I admit, that's because a vivid mental image of what we can't see pops up in my mind. Come on, did you see his package? My second reaction is to remember I'm talking to a five-year-old. My third reaction is terror. I don't want to tell her what's in his pants. But what else am I going to say? A bunny rabbit? A sack of marbles? A Lunchable?
I was always honest with her mama and my other three daughters, and they're sort of normal. So I fall back on the ancient cliche: honesty is the best policy and if her mom didn't hear me say it, then I didn't say it. Besides, Miss America does know that boys have different waterworks than girls by virtue of seeing her little brother's weenis during diaper changings.
"Um, that's his penis in there," I say.
Miss America does a doubletake. (Didn't you?) I get the strong vibe she's making a size comparison equivalent to measuring Plankton's girth to Spongebob's. Her eyes reveal that she would be stunned if that was the only thing in there. She says with her face scrunched up, "You mean a box?"
I'm really thinking Lunchables now. "A box?"
"No, blocks."
"Blocks?"
She stands up and kicks her leg out forcefully. "Like when I kick the boys in the blocks."
I can't speak for a moment, wondering where she learned that and what boy is singing soprano now.
My daughter is in the kitchen futzing around and says suspiciously over the bar counter, "What are you guys looking at?"
I say -- nay, plead, "Come over here and look." Surely TG will translate for us, and I will understand where Miss America gets the "block-kicking" and she will understand what the hell is in this guy's underwear.
TG comes over, takes one look at Mr. Hunk-with-Junk-in-His-Trunks, rolls her eyes, and returns to the kitchen. Miss America and I look at each other and shrug.
"Really," I say. "It's his penis, and there's nothing blocking it, so you never wanna go for the field goal."
She nods and I nod, and we have successfully communicated. Sometimes, not even speaking in a foreign language can prevent the message from getting through.
.
We’re not going anywhere.
1 day ago
43 comments:
OMG, you are kidding me. I sooo needed to laugh tonight. I'm having one of those days (AGAIN!). I think I peed a little. I guess after 3 kiddos that's OK.
OMG, I'm going to wake up in the middle of the night and start laughing.
That is so funny! And "block" is not a slang term I have heard before!
ROFLMAO...out of the mouths of babes!
Oh, my. Let's hope this is long forgotten by the time she reaches adulthood. I'm afraid she's apt to be terribly disappointed...
hilarious story, how did I miss that post, I will be heading back. ( my nephew when he was 5 saw a picture of himself much younger and wearing a diaper with a jumpsuit... he saw a lil something similar...but he said "dad look at my crunch"...instead of crotch...LOL we still use that in our family 23 years later.. :-)
Too good to be true. What a great story. I laughed my block off.
EFH
Oh good God - how does Mr. HWJIHT play soccer with all that stuff??
When she said 'box' I thought maybe she had seen the video from Saturday Night Live with Justin Timberlake.... Dick In A Box... LMAO
Di
The Blue Ridge Gal
I stumble upon your blog and so glad I did! Love it!
So when she kicks a boy there is she block-blocking?
he's purrty, but i am suspicious of any man who spends more time shaving than i do...
Holy crap, and what a package. I'd open that one before my birthday, that's for sure.
You're hilarious.
Hah ... never heard block before (unless it's my son's lacrosse team running around doing "cup checks" with their sticks . . . yeah). And thinks for the liberal sprinkling of Freddie pics!
Thanks for the HWJIHT post! I loved it! and the story about little Miss America was cute, too. ;o)
Haha Freddie.. Yummy! He's Swedish btw. I've had a thing for him for aaaaaaages, and not just because of his package!!!
And to Comey Goddess.. I've heard that he's really sweet in person.. He better be cos he's my future husband!
Yums. I'm gonna have some sweeeeeeeeeeet dreams tonight! LoL
xx
Let's talk more about this Swedish guy...
Pearl
Um, I didn't notice.
hee hee hee!
@JewelryandgiftsbyRebecca, Glad you enjoyed it.
@KristinaP, I'd never heard that either. I thought maybe in retrospect that she might have meant, um, cock, but I have no idea where she would have heard that either.
@Alicia, It's hard not to ROFLMAO when this little one comes up with this stuff.
@Vegas Linda Lou, I hear ya. I could have had a V8 a few times in my life . . .
@Darsden, that's a good one - definitely worth reusing 23 years later - and counting!
@Expat, glad you were able to laugh your block off -- don't overdo it, cuz you may need it later. ;)
@Andrea, My guess is vewy, vewy carefully.
@Di, I haven't heard that one! Miss America probably hasn't either, since nobody else in the house but me watches SNL usually. But I missed that one too!
@Missy, Welcome! C'mon back!
@Wife ORiley, Maybe cock blocking?
@Daisyfae, He's mighty purrrty.
@Mary, Oh yeah, my own happy birthday package! Wrap him up for me, will ya?
@Comedy Goddes, So often that's true. Maybe if he's an ass I won't boo-hoo about not having him! ;)
@Lipstick Daily, Cup check? I like that. What size cup do you think Freddie is? Let me check!
@Abomo, you're welcome! Come back and visit.
@Selaen, D'oh! He's Swedish. I don't know where I got German. But anyway, I fixed it. Thanks! Sweet dreams!
@Pearl, Sorry, I'm off to slip into some sweet dreams!
@Blognut, Yeah right. You SOOOOO noticed. :)
I am going for those abs in the gym every day...but I am going to stay away from the razor.
That is hilarious! I still laugh every time I hear an ad for Menard's because my boys used to run around singing, "Save big money at YOUR NARDS!!!!" pointing at their -blocks- while doing so. :D Cracks me up. Every time.
I may have to use that term from now on. Block. I like it.
You've really got to get this child on video. She is definitely missing her calling. There's a Disney movie just waiting for her.
so im sitting in bed trying to be quiet! im giggling into my blanket now! lmfao
Why is there so much penis humour out there...cup checks with the lacrosse stick?! That is too funny...and i wish i could have seen Miss America's face when you told her what it was..that would have been a priceless pic LOL
Out of the mouths of babes.... ;)
Yep, I'm officially confused about blocks. Or blocking. Or something...
I like the term block better than privacy (what a student called that region the other day). Funny story!
Too funny. Little ones are so cute. She will probably never remember calling it that. Maybe you should print your blog and and show it to her when she's like 18.
OMG to freaking funny!
I love him. And yes, I thought that the last time he graced your blog. :)
And Miss America cracks me the hell up. She's a riot!
I still say it's an alien trying to fight it's way out of that spandex prison.
that Ms. America is a riot.
I love Miss America. And you.
Hilarious! She'll be using this as a measurement for the rest of her life.
"Bollocks"? Although, I'm guessing Miss America is not British...?
Funny girl!
Be sure to write down all these conversations with Miss America and you could write a wonderful book. As for Mr. HWJIHT....WOW...nice bod (and block).
"Let me out! Let me out!" That's what I think (hope/pray) Freddie's block is shouting. And, who am I to deny such a heartfelt request?
LOL I like his junk....
Is that bloke in the picture a budgie smuggler?
hehehehe.
I mean sure "box" usually applies--in vulgar kinda way--to women, but why the hell not?
I am actually crying laughing ....I'm going to have to breathe eventually ahahaha
OMG, hysterical!!!!!!!
I'll take some of those "blocks" please!
Justine :o )
whew! One smart cookie! That guy is so hot!
There is one really sad little boy in Miss America's preschool.
I'm just saying...
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