April 27, 2009

Hunk with Junk in His Trunks

In yesterday's post, I used this picture of a sexy almost-naked guy who's obviously an underwear model. Mr. Hunk-with-Junk-in-His-Trunks is also Swedish soccer player Freddie Ljungberg, but he may be better suited for his Calvin Klein gig, right? I mean, is there a woman in the Milky Way galaxy who disagrees with me? Hmm? Anyone?

So sitting beside me on the couch when I pull up my blog on my laptop, Miss America's eyes catch on Mr. HWJIHT. She points to his picture with her tiny finger. "What's in his pants?" she asks.

My first reaction is to giggle. I admit, that's because a vivid mental image of what we can't see pops up in my mind. Come on, did you see his package? My second reaction is to remember I'm talking to a five-year-old. My third reaction is terror. I don't want to tell her what's in his pants. But what else am I going to say? A bunny rabbit? A sack of marbles? A Lunchable?

I was always honest with her mama and my other three daughters, and they're sort of normal. So I fall back on the ancient cliche: honesty is the best policy and if her mom didn't hear me say it, then I didn't say it. Besides, Miss America does know that boys have different waterworks than girls by virtue of seeing her little brother's weenis during diaper changings.

"Um, that's his penis in there," I say.

Miss America does a doubletake. (Didn't you?) I get the strong vibe she's making a size comparison equivalent to measuring Plankton's girth to Spongebob's. Her eyes reveal that she would be stunned if that was the only thing in there. She says with her face scrunched up, "You mean a box?"

I'm really thinking Lunchables now. "A box?"

"No, blocks."

"Blocks?"

She stands up and kicks her leg out forcefully. "Like when I kick the boys in the blocks."

I can't speak for a moment, wondering where she learned that and what boy is singing soprano now.

My daughter is in the kitchen futzing around and says suspiciously over the bar counter, "What are you guys looking at?"

I say -- nay, plead, "Come over here and look." Surely TG will translate for us, and I will understand where Miss America gets the "block-kicking" and she will understand what the hell is in this guy's underwear.

TG comes over, takes one look at Mr. Hunk-with-Junk-in-His-Trunks, rolls her eyes, and returns to the kitchen. Miss America and I look at each other and shrug.

"Really," I say. "It's his penis, and there's nothing blocking it, so you never wanna go for the field goal."

She nods and I nod, and we have successfully communicated. Sometimes, not even speaking in a foreign language can prevent the message from getting through.
.

45 comments:

jewelryandgiftsbyrebecca said...

OMG, you are kidding me. I sooo needed to laugh tonight. I'm having one of those days (AGAIN!). I think I peed a little. I guess after 3 kiddos that's OK.
OMG, I'm going to wake up in the middle of the night and start laughing.

Kristina P. said...

That is so funny! And "block" is not a slang term I have heard before!

Alicia @ boylerpf said...

ROFLMAO...out of the mouths of babes!

Vegas Linda Lou said...

Oh, my. Let's hope this is long forgotten by the time she reaches adulthood. I'm afraid she's apt to be terribly disappointed...

darsden said...

hilarious story, how did I miss that post, I will be heading back. ( my nephew when he was 5 saw a picture of himself much younger and wearing a diaper with a jumpsuit... he saw a lil something similar...but he said "dad look at my crunch"...instead of crotch...LOL we still use that in our family 23 years later.. :-)

Expat From Hell said...

Too good to be true. What a great story. I laughed my block off.

EFH

Andrea said...

Oh good God - how does Mr. HWJIHT play soccer with all that stuff??

The Blue Ridge Gal said...

When she said 'box' I thought maybe she had seen the video from Saturday Night Live with Justin Timberlake.... Dick In A Box... LMAO

Di
The Blue Ridge Gal

Missy said...

I stumble upon your blog and so glad I did! Love it!

The Wife O Riley said...

So when she kicks a boy there is she block-blocking?

daisyfae said...

he's purrty, but i am suspicious of any man who spends more time shaving than i do...

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

Holy crap, and what a package. I'd open that one before my birthday, that's for sure.

You're hilarious.

Comedy Goddess said...

Sadly, he looks like he has a dick personality too.

Elaine at Lipstickdaily said...

Hah ... never heard block before (unless it's my son's lacrosse team running around doing "cup checks" with their sticks . . . yeah). And thinks for the liberal sprinkling of Freddie pics!

abomo said...

Thanks for the HWJIHT post! I loved it! and the story about little Miss America was cute, too. ;o)

Selaen said...

Haha Freddie.. Yummy! He's Swedish btw. I've had a thing for him for aaaaaaages, and not just because of his package!!!

And to Comey Goddess.. I've heard that he's really sweet in person.. He better be cos he's my future husband!

Yums. I'm gonna have some sweeeeeeeeeeet dreams tonight! LoL

xx

Pearl said...

Let's talk more about this Swedish guy...

Pearl

blognut said...

Um, I didn't notice.

hee hee hee!

Fragrant Liar said...

@JewelryandgiftsbyRebecca, Glad you enjoyed it.
@KristinaP, I'd never heard that either. I thought maybe in retrospect that she might have meant, um, cock, but I have no idea where she would have heard that either.
@Alicia, It's hard not to ROFLMAO when this little one comes up with this stuff.
@Vegas Linda Lou, I hear ya. I could have had a V8 a few times in my life . . .
@Darsden, that's a good one - definitely worth reusing 23 years later - and counting!
@Expat, glad you were able to laugh your block off -- don't overdo it, cuz you may need it later. ;)
@Andrea, My guess is vewy, vewy carefully.
@Di, I haven't heard that one! Miss America probably hasn't either, since nobody else in the house but me watches SNL usually. But I missed that one too!
@Missy, Welcome! C'mon back!
@Wife ORiley, Maybe cock blocking?
@Daisyfae, He's mighty purrrty.
@Mary, Oh yeah, my own happy birthday package! Wrap him up for me, will ya?
@Comedy Goddes, So often that's true. Maybe if he's an ass I won't boo-hoo about not having him! ;)
@Lipstick Daily, Cup check? I like that. What size cup do you think Freddie is? Let me check!
@Abomo, you're welcome! Come back and visit.
@Selaen, D'oh! He's Swedish. I don't know where I got German. But anyway, I fixed it. Thanks! Sweet dreams!
@Pearl, Sorry, I'm off to slip into some sweet dreams!
@Blognut, Yeah right. You SOOOOO noticed. :)

morethananelectrician said...

I am going for those abs in the gym every day...but I am going to stay away from the razor.

Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub said...

That is hilarious! I still laugh every time I hear an ad for Menard's because my boys used to run around singing, "Save big money at YOUR NARDS!!!!" pointing at their -blocks- while doing so. :D Cracks me up. Every time.

Lisa said...

I may have to use that term from now on. Block. I like it.

Smart Mouth Broad said...

You've really got to get this child on video. She is definitely missing her calling. There's a Disney movie just waiting for her.

MamabearMills said...

so im sitting in bed trying to be quiet! im giggling into my blanket now! lmfao

thistle said...

Why is there so much penis humour out there...cup checks with the lacrosse stick?! That is too funny...and i wish i could have seen Miss America's face when you told her what it was..that would have been a priceless pic LOL

livingladolcevita said...

Out of the mouths of babes.... ;)

♥ Braja said...

Yep, I'm officially confused about blocks. Or blocking. Or something...

Beth said...

I like the term block better than privacy (what a student called that region the other day). Funny story!

GingerJar said...

Too funny. Little ones are so cute. She will probably never remember calling it that. Maybe you should print your blog and and show it to her when she's like 18.

Danica Lynn said...

OMG to freaking funny!

foxy said...

I love him. And yes, I thought that the last time he graced your blog. :)

And Miss America cracks me the hell up. She's a riot!

midlifeslices said...

I still say it's an alien trying to fight it's way out of that spandex prison.

that Ms. America is a riot.

Vic said...

I love Miss America. And you.

Tricia said...

Hilarious! She'll be using this as a measurement for the rest of her life.

The Devil's Daughter-In-Law said...

"Bollocks"? Although, I'm guessing Miss America is not British...?

Funny girl!

Stepping Thru said...

Be sure to write down all these conversations with Miss America and you could write a wonderful book. As for Mr. HWJIHT....WOW...nice bod (and block).

DebraLSchubert said...

"Let me out! Let me out!" That's what I think (hope/pray) Freddie's block is shouting. And, who am I to deny such a heartfelt request?

Wunderwoman said...

LOL I like his junk....

The Jules said...

Is that bloke in the picture a budgie smuggler?

Ann's Rants said...

hehehehe.

I mean sure "box" usually applies--in vulgar kinda way--to women, but why the hell not?

Sarah Lulu said...

I am actually crying laughing ....I'm going to have to breathe eventually ahahaha

Justine/Justiney/Tiney said...

OMG, hysterical!!!!!!!

I'll take some of those "blocks" please!

Justine :o )

Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

whew! One smart cookie! That guy is so hot!

Breathe said...

There is one really sad little boy in Miss America's preschool.

I'm just saying...

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