Sorry, no. Tingly bad.
You thought butt cleavage and camel toe were the bane of trendy women. I'm here today in public service mode to talk about the heartbreak of tingly thighs.
Here, take this quiz so we can get on with it:
- Are your thighs tingly?
- Are your thighs numb?
- Are your thighs burning?
No, this has nothing to do with microscopic parasites scuttling gleefully between your legs. That would be crabs. (All right, raise your hand if that crossed your mind. Michel, being in Sudan does not prevent me from seeing you in the corner giggling. Mesopotamia my ass.) No, tingly thighs has nothing to do with bugs and everything to do with low-cut, skinny jeans.
My sister hipsters, wearing those tight jeans is liable to cause strange and nonsensical disturbances in your thighs -- specifically, the outer part of your thighs -- that can last up to six weeks (once you cut them off with scissors, I assume, because if you keep wearing them, tingliness will be on this, like, continuum or something). Anyway, constant pressure from the skin-tight denim compresses the peripheral nerve, or the lateral femoral cutaneous nerve. (Heh, heh, I think Mensa is trying to reach me right now).
So some news report by somebody somewhere said that in most cases the condition can be relieved by wearing looser clothing. Phhht, looser clothing. Do these people know how hard it is to get a man to look at your ass, let alone your thighs, when you're wearing your great grandma's frumpy dumpy jeans? Don't they know there's a reason god invented skin-tight jeans? It's called BAIT!
So as part of my public service schtick, for which you may provide me monetary compensation by clicking some ad somewhere on this page, I must advise you that you wear trendy skin-tight hipsters at your own risk. I know I will!
And yes, tingly thighs can happen to men too. I ain't namin' names, but you know who you are.