June 19, 2009

Freaky Friday

Friday morning, I woke up as I do every morning with a major stiffy. Only this time, it was more than stiff, it was petrified. Pain radiated from my upper back all the way over the top of my head, with special emphasis on my injured neck from last year's car wreck. I rolled out of bed and trudged to the shower, where I spent a long time just standing under the hot stream as it loosened up my muscles, relieved the soreness, and gave me hope that I might salvage this day with a little more self-doctoring. Got out the muscle stim and BioFreeze, and two hours later, made it into work.

Fifteen minutes at my desk, and Freaky Friday kicked into high gear. My chest felt tight and my upper stomach cramped. I felt clammy, lightheaded, and short of breath. The pain worsened until I wanted to double over. I managed to find two Tums and an aspirin, while deliberately pooh-poohing the worst-case scenario. I mean, I'm not old enough for a myocardial infarction. Besides it's just rude. "Pardon me, did you just have a myocardial infarction?" "Oops, 'scuse me." Of course, I'm not old enough to be a grandma either, but as they say, facts is facts.

So my co-workers called 911. Within 30 seconds, sirens wailed toward our building and suddenly the penthouse was crawling with six hotties in EMT gear. Six? For little ol' me? Why, I do declare, I'm just like Scarlett at the barbecue. And those supposed gentlemen were even trying to get me to loosen my bra and unbutton my shirt! Great balls of fire, Mammy! I don't mind sayin' I was mighty thankful they gave me oxygen after that, cuz I was swooning!

Anyway, we talked about possibilities, including something called "referring pain" from other parts of the body, like the neck. Still, after assessing my symptoms and the ECG tapes revealed I was not in imminent danger, they left it up to me about going to the hospital. Cap'n Butler -- I mean, the muscley EMT in uniform, with long sideburns and an armful of tattoos, highly recommended it. I did NOT want to go. But I finally agreed, so the stretcher was brought in and I was loaded upon it. My coworkers gathered around and wished me well, waving at me like I was on a cruise ship. Bon vogage! Bring back souvenirs! Don't eat too much!

Safely delivered to the ER, all my EMT suitors abandoned me (Fiddle-dee-dee), and the nurses got busy sticking me with needles. It took them three tries to not go through the veins in my arms so they could install the IV thingamajig. Then came the pasties, those sticky ECG pads for the leads, even on my legs, which had not been shaved for an eternity. (You'd think with all that time I spent in the shower that morning, I could have found a razor.) Soon wires were shooting out of me everywhere. I looked like the Borg Queen.

Meanwhile, I was the lucky recipient of drugs (totally better than bloggy awards - sorry my lovelies). I drank something green and yummy and nummy for my tummy (blecgk!), and an Ativan of unknown dosage. I must say. I do like Ativan. It made me relax and nod off and make statements like, "What a pretty butterfly up there on the ceiling." And "Did I just say that?" And to my daughter who simply appeared in the chair across from me, "Hey what are you doing here? What a nice surprise."

In La-la-land for most of the afternoon, Freaky Friday went by really fast. Things I don't remember: many blood draws, some kind of scan, and even a lone trip to the ladies' room. I hope I flushed and washed my hands. Hell, I hope I wiped!

Hours into the experience, I actually saw the doc, whom I'd earlier thought was some orderly out at the nurses' desk. He'd been on and off the phone yacking it up, so I was surprised to know that he was suddenly my cardiologist. Honestly, as soon as he opened his mouth I thought I was talking to Bob Marley sans dreads, as he had that "island" accent. He also bobbed a little bit, as if some reggae tune kept playing in his head. If he'd had a little ganga in his back pocket, I wouldn't have been surprised. Anyway, Dr. Bob assured me that in all likelihood it was not my heart, but he ordered a stress test for next Tuesday to be sure. Then he released me to my daughter's care and a trip home to Tara -- I mean, Buda.

Hey, wait. My daughter? When did she get there?
-------------------------
Update: I just remembered that laying on the hospital bed, I was talking to a handsome 40-50-ish guy from Cuba. I was mesmerized, but he was the chaplain and he gave me some sprinkles of God-light or something I was surely lacking. I thought I had dreamed the whole encounter, but apparently not. He was all flirty with me too. Or maybe that was the part I dreamed . . .

My daughter asked me today, "Did you think he was good looking?" I said, "Oh yeah!" Then she made a face. So apparently, I embarrassed her. But I was on drugs -- and potentially my death bed -- so I'm excused, right?

62 comments:

Gran said...

Take care of yourself. I've got my fingers crossed for you.

Tom Erdman said...

Didn't the zit and the coffee stain work? You needed to resort to this? Some people will do anythig to get attention from men. Seriously, hang in there and hope all is OK.

Expat From Hell said...

I, too, wish you well and a quick recovery. It is amazing to me how you can summon the resolve to put this into such a good post. I would be trying to revive the "ER" series with drama.
You are terrific. Please keep us all posted.

ExpatFromHell

♥ Braja said...

Jeez, FL, wtf? You ok, seriously? I'm often amazed that I don't get headaches or resultant pain in the head/neck from my accident...I'm feeing for you ...

Sarah Lulu said...

Sending you love and light and healing prayers ..but it does sound to me like you simply wanted half a dozen men attending to you!

Fragrant Liar said...

@Gran: I'm sure it's not my heart. Just don't know what it IS. Yet. Will go to regular doc next week.
@Tom Erdman: Desperate times call for desperate measures. Alas, they were all young whippersnappers.
@Expat: Thanks. I'm sure all will be fine. I would put money on the "referring pain" but we will see.
@Braja: I really okay, far as I know. I had something like this about five years ago and they couldn't find a thing wrong with my heart. 'Course, they never did find out what it was . . .
@Sarah Lulu: Thanks, I'll take all the prayers I can get, though I'm pretty sure I'm fine. Now, the men . . . I'm gonna need your prayers on that account too. 'kay?

Call Me Cate said...

Damn, that sounds scary. I'm glad you're feeling ok now and hope there's nothing too exciting when you do the stress test. I had one of those once and the most stress it caused me was telling the dr I was going to pass out so maybe he should pay attn to me instead of yammering about football. Be well!

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

Glad that your crisis was able to be turned into an adventure. My ex's mom would take a trip to the ER almost every day only for them to tell her that she wasn't dying, it wasn't a heart attack, nor was it a tumor, it was gas. I hope that you don't have gas...on second thought...I hope you do because then it's something easily remedied.

Either way, take care of yourself and hope the doctor gets busy trying to figure out what's going on. (Is Dr. Bob going to be consulting with you from time to time? Maybe he's Bob's twin?)

Kristina P. said...

That is so scary! And it sounds painful. I've thrown my back out before, had neck cramps, and still have lower back pain sometimes,but it's never been anything like that.

Take care of yourself!

drollgirl said...

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIKES! what a horrendous friday! but i am glad it was not way worse.

i hope you are going to be ok and that they do a lot of follow up with you and EXPLAIN WHAT THE PROBLEM WAS and tell you how to make sure it does not happen again.

ack. this freaks me out.

Karyn - (French Charming) said...

I think you my soul sister! Is it wrong to laugh your ass off over a serious matter? I hope not because that's exactly what I was doing while reading your post! I hope everything goes well with your stress test! BTW, I love all three of your occupations, you're quite the character.

Thanks for visiting my blog and for your comment. I recently started another blog to express my cynical and sarcastic side as well as my many faux pas. There's a link on my blog to Soapbox Betty that I hope you'll check out sometime.

Well thanks for the giggle and I'll be back!

Amy said...

Ooooooohhhhh....I'm SO sorry. Those accidents have nasty residual effects. You're preachin' to the choir, Missy! I do hope VERY much that you will be well and that your next encounter with a hunky EMT will be on your terms and that he'll still ask you to loosen your bra. And, hey...if you still want to include a stretcher as a part of your date, I won't judge you.

Shana said...

Well, I hope it all turns out okay!! It was funny to read (sorry)

ModernMom said...

Oh my, what an adventure! Hope you are feeling like a million bucks today:)

lisa said...

Wow, Fragrant, I'm glad it worked out. Those EMT guys are always gorgeous. And let's give it up for the fabulous drugs. So, in the end, it wasn't such a bad day after all. :)

Hope your feeling better soon.

xox

Fragrant Liar said...

@Call Me Cate: It was scary at the time, but more embarrassing because I was taken out of my 8-floor building with everyone watching.
@Chocolate Covered Daydreams: I probably won't see Dr. Ganga -- I mean, Dr. Bob again, but I'd love to see those EMTs . . . Chest pains anyone?
@Kristina P.: It's more painful knowing that's the last time I will have so many men fawning over me, unless I have another "incident."
@drollgirl: Hopefully, there are smart docs out there somewhere who can pinpoint the reason for it and I can forego anymore ambulance rides.
@Karen (French Charming): Are we soul sistahs?! Woo-hoo! I checked out Soapbox Betty, and I'll be back.
@Amy: Think I should just happen to end up at the EMT station in need of a stretcher?? :)
@Shana: I really feel like it'll be fine. Something's up, but I have a strong feeling it's something benign and easily remedied once they find it.
@ModernMom: Yes, quite the adventure. And I'm actually feeling really great today. Must have been all the man attention I got yesterday. And the Ativan.

Fragrant Liar said...

Lisa, what is it? ALL the EMTs are sweet! Looks like they all work out, they're nice and muscular and clean and helpful and -- wait, are they gay? Nah...

Hit 40 said...

Never trust the ER docs. They missed something big with me. And, they had 3 different ER visits from me. Misdiagnosed each time.

Follow up with a regular doctor to let them know your problem. I found a good doctor by googling my problem... vertigo. The doc that i found knew exactly what my problem was the moment he saw me.

Gaston Studio said...

So sorry you had such an awful Friday despite being in the company of such hottie EMTs! Just yesterday I drafted a post that will go up Monday and you're going to laugh when you see what it's about!

So hope the additional tests will go well, and I agree with Hit40, see your regular physician for some serious followup. Be well.

Lorna said...

Holy smoke, you make it sound like a fun party! Please do take care of yourself and heed all warnings. I have some idea of what a sore back feels like but I just suffer thru it with Bayer Aspirin Back and Body.

You're amazing. You title it Freaky Friday and make us laugh. But you take care, please.


~Lorna

dana said...

The very, exact thing happened to me five years ago. I worked at the fire department, so it was extra weird having FRIENDS loosening my bra and I think it even embarrassed THEM! Anyhoo, an ambulance ride to the ER and tons of xrays and before I knew it, I was having a gall bladder attack AND pancreatitis all at once. It was like a triathalon of pain! And it was all radiating.

Did they check your gall bladder? Hmmmmmmm?

blissfully caffeinated said...

Oh no lady! That's really scary. I hope you are feeling better soon. And I hope the tests all turn out OK. And I hope you scored a prescription for Ativan. Because it is so lovely.

Take care!
xo

phd in yogurtry said...

Oh, that's scary stuff, the not knowing WHAT exactly is happening. Hope you continue to get "negative" test results and that this is just one of those flukes.

Fragrant Liar said...

@Hit 40: Yes, ma'am, I am paying a visit to my regular M.D. next week. Promise.
@Jane/Gaston: I will be by to read, for sure!
@Lorna: It did kind of end up as a bit of a party, at least in my own mind. My daughter probably thinks not so much. ;)
@Dana: I know! Weird, right? Totally out of my element with the whole checking my vitals thing. But I did wonder if they should check my gall bladder, and that's something I'll ask doc next week.
@Blissfully Caffeinated: Got that Ativan RX right here, baby! Of course, I'm sure my daughter has her doubts about me filling it. :)

Fragrant Liar said...

@PhD in Yogurtry: Thanks, I'll be sure to keep up with things. I have way too much I want to accomplish in my life to let an unknown like this go unanswered.

blognut said...

Yay for Ativan! I really need to try some of these cool drugs I hear so much about around here.

Glad you're all right - good luck with the stress test.

Breathe said...

The hottest one night stand I had was with an EMT. He fixed some wicked bloody Mary's too. But I met mine in a lift line whilst skiing. This, my dear, is the preferred method.

I hope this isn't going to impact our choice of lunch establishment. We'll be all wheat thins and soda water.

Sending you healing karma, girl.

Michelle Wells Grant said...

OMG!!! This must have been horrifying (well, drugs good) but I'm so glad you seem to be alright today. Talk about WTF!!!! No more Big Macs for you, girl. Dammit.

Alicia @ boylerpf said...

I swear...only you can turn a dire scene into an emergency delightful read....ativan and all. I hope you get it all taken care of...and very soon!

Smart Mouth Broad said...

Only you could turn a medical emergency into a scouting mission. LOL You are OK, right?

Jennifer said...

Leave it to you to turn this into a rollicking trip to the ER! Sending you thoughts for a totally simple, "duh!" reason for it all. Let us know what you find out on Tuesday!

Hugs,
Jen

Maggie May said...

As a sufferer of back/neck problems for a good while now, I do sympathize with you. Hope you get to the root of the problem and are up and about very soon.
Thank you for visiting me. You have a good blog here.

Nora Johnson said...

Just stopped by to thank u for popping over to Andalucia & leaving yr comment. You're so right about corruption everywhere! There's certainly no end of it here...
Will pop back regularly to keep up to speed with yr terrific posts!
Hope you're having a great w/end!
Take care
Nora:)
btw used to live in LA & often stayed with friends in El Paso. Great times!

Chairman Bill said...

Come on - stop feeling sorry for yourself. It's all me, me, me.

;o)

Get better soon

DulwichDivorcee said...

Hi there Fragrant, love the blog! Great to see a hospital stay as a chance to chat up the chaplain - my kind of girl! We need people like you in Dulwich

Gaston Studio said...

Am here to OFFICIALLY tag you!

The Dental Maven said...

Girl!! I'm just glad it wasn't your heart. But for the love of Pete, couldn't they do something for your dang back so it wouldn't be a wasted trip! Geeze.

Justine said...

Holy geez, only YOU could make a horrible experience like this funny! So, what the hell IS wrong with you? I hate it when they just release you before they know what's wrong. Well lady, it's not your heart, so get out of our bed. Come back if you feel death is imminent. WTF???????? Aren't you scared? You don't sound scared. You sound addicted to Ativan.

Justine :o )

Anonymous said...

HEY FL:
I still maintain it was all an act to get off work. (not) ;-)
Glad you're ok, see you tuesday.
christie

David said...

I thought waking up with a stiffy was a guy's only kind of thing. Live and learn.

midlifeslices said...

You KNOW those are all symptoms of the Slug Flu, right? But only YOU would carry it so far as to have 6 hotties carry you off into the sunset and pet and pamper you back to good health!

But seriously, I'm glad it wasn't a heart attack and you did the right thing by being safe rather than dead and sorry. MUAH

Anonymous said...

Wow, what an ordeal to go through. So glad you feel better today. I'll email you my notions.

Jennifer E.

Michel said...

Damn! Are you okay now?!? More importantly, did you save any of those drugs for the rest of us!?

Hope you get better!! Although, you should have gotten some of the EMTs' cards! I'm just saying...you might have a "relapse" and need some "help"

Fragrant Liar said...

@Blognut: Must. Refill. Ativan. :)
@Breathe: See now that would have made it all worthwhile, a bloody Mary. Lunch dates remain unchanged, Sistah. Guacamole salad and chips. Ain't missin' out on that.
@Michelle: See, I hardly ever get Big Macs, and usually with you. So I don't know how that could POSSIBLY affect my long-term health.
@Alicia and SMB: I really am fine now. Or so my body is telling me. We will see after Tuesday.
@Jen: I'll post about the test results. I have a feeling it's something totally out of the cardiac arena.
@Maggie May: Neck and back issues are the WORST!!

Fragrant Liar said...

@Nora: Welcome! Come back often, as I will to your blog.
@Chairman Bill: I start every morning singing, in the key of B flat, Me me me. ;)
@Dulwich Divorcee: Senor Chaplain was mui bonito.
@Gaston: Witch!
@Dental Maven: ER = One-Track Mission
@Justine: You know what they say, if you don't laugh, you'd be crying. Not my thang.
@Christie: You found me out! Don't tell TP. ;)
@David: I am here solely for your edification.
@MLS: Slug flu? Really? Shit. Did you end up in the ER with yours? Maybe you GAVE it to me.
@Hi, JenniferE: I'm doing much better today, thanks.
@Michel: One word for ya: Stockpiling! And about those EMT cards, I wasn't in my right mind. Should I have a relapse, I will collect them from all the cuties who tend me. ;)

Andrea said...

Only you would be lucky enough to get the hot EMTs and chaplain. My one experience with 911 sent me a guy who looked like Mr. Bean and a woman who I really think was hitting on me. Go figure. Good luck with the stress test - maybe the tech will be some hottie!

Rebel Mother said...

When you're ill the bet place to be is 'la-la land'!

Hope you get well soon and thanks for dropping past my blog the other day RM x

Midlife Mama said...

Awwwwww honey, that must have been so scary. Thank goodness you came out of it okay and it doesn't appear to be an MI. Or, as they used to say in the "olden days" before E-R on TV.... a "heart attack." LOL

You're in my prayers and I hope you are back on your feet soon. Hugs!

Captain Dumbass said...

Ativan and sprinkles of God-light? Think I'll have to settle for some beer. I had my whole back and neck seize up a few years ago. Turned out I was grinding my teeth. Go figure.

Kimberly said...

Hot Cubans (I don't mean the sandwich) can cure most things..

Missy said...

Prayers for you! Do you have the tatted ambulance guys number? LOL

Lisa said...

Yikes! Those symptoms would have sent me in a whole other panic attack mode surely finishing off with an infarction. And that would have been flat out embarrassing. Girls don't do that.

Vic said...

I've been gone a day or two from the internet, and stopped by here - Oh my!! I'm glad you're doing okay! The hallucinating and the hot EMT's sound like fun, but not the scary parts.

Take care of yourself!

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

Oh my lord woman. You have me worried. And grinning. Both at the same time.

Midlife Jobhunter said...

Geez, scare me with this at 1:24am. Let me know you are okay.

Fragrant Liar said...

@Andrea: I think I was "lucky", but I might have just been stoned enough to THINK the chaplain was hot. :)
@Rebel Mama: I normally don't care for La-la-land, but this time, I seemed to enjoy it way more than I remember.
@Midlife Mama: Definitely scary. Hopefully nothing to do with my heart at all.
@Captain Dumbass: It's so weird, isn't it? Did they call it referring pain? That's what I'm thinking (hoping) mine was.
@Kimberly: Hot Cubans in a sandwich. Now that's what I'm talking about.
@Missy: Alas, no numbers.
@Lisa: Right? Excuse me, Mr. EMT.
@Vic: Thanks mucho. I think I had a good time once I got to the hospital...
@Pseudo: Not to worry. No imminent danger at least.

Fragrant Liar said...

Midlife Jobhunter: I am okay. Stress test tomorrow, family doc too, hopefully. I am just relaxing this weekend, and everything seems peachy.

Suzy said...

Ativan AND EMT's? I'm so jealous.

Jennifer said...

The best thing about the sticky EKG pads is you'll find one in a week, buried deep under your left boob. Hurts like hell to rip them off. Good luck with that!!!

Fragrant Liar said...

@Suzy: Yeah. Ain't it cool?
@Jennifer: I found three after I got home; one I'm not sure where it came from, but it fell off when I rose from the john. WTF? Where exactly was it, and who PUT it there? Or did it scooch all on its own? These are the mysteries I am dealing with as I type.

nikkicrumpet said...

Yikes...that's scary as hell. I hope you're feeling better and that they figure out what is up and get you fixed!...well not "fixed" like that...but healthy again!

小貓咪 said...

h漫,成人漫畫,免費A片,色情網站,色情遊戲,情色文學,麗的色遊戲,色情,色情影片,同志色教館,色色網,色遊戲,自拍,本土自拍,kk俱樂部,後宮電影院,後宮電影,85cc免費影城,85cc免費影片,免費影片,免費小遊戲,免費遊戲,小遊戲,遊戲,好玩遊戲,好玩遊戲區,A片,情趣用品,遊戲區,史萊姆好玩遊戲,史萊姆,遊戲基地,線上遊戲,色情遊戲,遊戲口袋,我的遊戲口袋,小遊戲區,手機遊戲,貼圖,A片下載,成人影城,愛情公寓,情色貼圖,情色,色情網站,色情遊戲,色情小說,情色文學,色情,aio交友愛情館,色情影片,臺灣情色網,寄情築園小遊戲,情色論壇,嘟嘟情人色網,情色視訊,愛情小說,言情小說,一葉情貼圖片區,情趣用品,情趣,色情漫畫,情色網,情色a片,情色遊戲,85cc成人片,嘟嘟成人網,成人網站,18成人,成人影片,成人交友網,成人貼圖,成人圖片區,成人圖片,成人文章,成人小說,成人光碟,微風成人區,免費成人影片