March 3, 2009

WTF Wednesday: Match Scratch

Okay, you all know that I'm dabbling with Match.com, right? (By dabbling, I mean I have a half-ounce worth of real interest.) Before I proceed, let me say, love is where you find it and age ain't nothin' but a number. However, something else is at play here.

Seems to me that a good portion of older men on the dating sites are fumbling through a midlife crisis. I mean, when you see how many in their 40s and 50s are only looking for women in their 20s and 30s, you start to recognize the strategy. These guys are seeing the wrinkles, feeling the bad knees, and fighting the paunch. They want a sexy young thing who doesn't know their past foibles, lets them start with a clean slate, and maybe even lets them be the boss. They want a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader. Um, good luck with that.

Of course, you ask me, if Joe the Lineman gets a sweet young cheerleader in his bed, all swoony over his pigskin and prostate issues, odds are good that she will make him look and feel even more like the leatherheads of old--sooner rather than later--when not even shoulder pads will be able to hide it. Between the sheets, when the guy has trouble getting past the line of scrimmage and it's harder to drive that pigskin through the uprights? Somebody's going to start reviewing the play-by-plays, learn to block and make outside passes, and yearn to be a free agent. In a game like that, possession is only temporary and turnovers are inevitable. And there goes Joe, having to punt all over again. (Yes, I drank a whole bunch of energy analogy juice.)

Sure, some guys want kids, so a cute little tight end may be the shortest route to fatherhood; and like I was getting at earlier, a person's age should have little bearing on a mature, loving relationship. But most of the midlife guys' profiles I see on Match.com state, "No kids" or "Probably do not want [more] kids." So if kids aren't a consideration, yet they're still hunting for the perky racks, I have to wonder, are these guys in crisis? Do they know it? Are they setting themselves up to fail?

WTF, I say. Why not look for women in their own age range? Do they think older women can't be tigers in bed? Do they think older women can't be fit and firm? Do they think older women can't be vying for the next big adventure? Do they think older women can't be loads of fun and barrels of laughter? Do they not get that they will eventually want someone they can rock on the porch with?

Plenty of beautiful, sexy, older women are out there looking for passionate, loving relationships. Few are held back by the demands of babies. These femmes have learned the hard way, just like the guys, what works in a relationship and what doesn't; but most of them are not trying to tackle men half their age. (The cougar post is for another day.)













How about these older women? Awesome, right? All 50+.

This post is not a slight to younger women at all -- they are perfect the way they are. But let's face it, the Divine Creator gave us trade-offs like these: single older women may have lost some firmness and elasticity, but they've gained savvy and courage. They know how to get what they want and how to give you what you want. They "get" you. And talk about a cheerleader! Go ahead, fumble the ball, foul out, face-plant into the dirt. See who's more likely to carry that pigskin all the way into the end zone for you.

Come on, guys. Time to form a more realistic offensive strategy. Clock's still ticking.
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32 comments:

nikkicrumpet said...

I'm starting to sound like a broken record...but that was brilliantly written...and oh so true. And I do love me a post with lots of funny sports analogies!!!!

The Blue Ridge Gal said...

I know you'll hold out for the right guy. List yourself on multiple dating sites my dear. I found my guy 12 years ago online... my sister found hers last year online. There's someone out there for everyone, and if match.com seems to be filled with guys that want younger women then move on to another site. Where there's a will there's a way. Good luck!

Di
The Blue Ridge Gal
P.S. Men that want women twice as young as them are just plain stupid.

Vegas Linda Lou said...

This is a brilliant post. I assure you, there are guys out there who really do prefer women their own age. And these guys aren't looking to stroke their egos; they're looking for companionship and someone they can relate to.

Keep the faith, sister!

Fragrant Liar said...

Nikki: Welcome back! I know, I went a little nutso on the analogies. Too much?

Di/Blue Ridge Gal: I am thinking about moving to another site for sure.

Vegas Linda Lou: Thanks a bunch. I know they're out there, the kind of guys I'd be interested in; I just haven't met them yet.

Jan said...

When I was going the internet dating route, I was very upfront about my age, weight and parental status and still had tons of responses. Of course, I made it quite clear that I was NOT interested in an exclusive relationship or any other kind of commitment - I was just in it for "fun." Men being men, naturally, translated that into "sex" but I had quite a few dates with quite a few nice men, and before I knew it I was in an exclusive, committed relationship.

Go figure.

smiles4u said...

Great post! And so very true!

Beki said...

Honey!! If we were in church I would be wavin' my hankie and shouting hallelujah!!! I myself dabble in match.com, and have noticed the same damn thing. Frustrating as all hell. And BTW...I want to be Michelle Pfeiffer when I grow up.

midlife slices said...

But don't forget that it works both ways. Some women prefer older men because "they may have lost some firmness and elasticity, but they've gained savvy and courage." Keep that in mind, my dear, and don't narrow your focus too much and I'm certain you'll be enjoying an invigorating Red Bull soon enough.

nothingfancy1 said...

You are so right. WTF for sure. I have a guy friend who is about 45. He's doing the internet dating thing, but looking for women in their early 30s cuz he says he wants a family. He's twice divorced. I told him that he shouldn't be so particular. That he's missing out on a lot of good women in their 40s...that he can have a family if he meets a woman who has a child/children already. That they can adopt, etc. He really ticked me off with all his particulars. I'm just glad Blue Eyes didn't have all those rules when he met me. I wouldn't have made the cut!

Frank said...

First, keep in mind you are talking about the scratch and dent section, and you are applying the rules for bright shiny and new. (My original thought was that you are fishing in a sewer but wonder why turds keep floating by.) The men you describe belong on the Island of Misfit Toys, and you can’t apply logic to their thinking. Yes, my dear, they are setting themselves up to fail, because they are using the formula for a short-term fling, not a long-term relationship. (Yes, there is a right formula.)

Second, timing is everything. If you put a blow torch on the paper to start a fire before the wood is in place, you end up with a hand full of ashes. Be patient. The person that grew up to the same music, movies, and life events, can build commonality, and that is the life-blood to a relationship. After all, when the lights come back on, if you can’t talk, one of you is out of there.

Pearl said...

It's been my experience that older guys want to be the "smart one". They want to play Big Daddy to some silly young thing so that they can "fix" things, coddle/spoil them, that sort of thing.
I'm torn between amused and disgusted by the whole thing. That older guy better have money, because that's generally what they have to offer: security in exchange for women with firm lovely skin and a general lack of the full range of life experience...
Pearl

Amy said...

Real women have stretch marks and it takes a real man to appreciate them. A fifty year old man who wants a woman without them deserves to only go deep in his own end zone.

Elaine at Lipstickdaily said...

Hmmm . . . I'm the "younger woman" at almost 50 and not too much fixing, coddling or spoiling comes my way. In fact, RC likes it that I have a full time career (and might support him someday!) If we weren't so happily married I might think I was the one who needs a clue . . .

thedomesticfringe said...

You should get lots of dates just because of your vast knowledge of football. Kudos.

Funny post. I'd say these men are definitely in mid-life crisis. Talk about some unreal expectations...

-FringeGirl

Vic said...

This was so well-written!!

Sarah's Blogtastic Adventures said...

Those guys on there arent looking for the love of their lives though. They dont want any kids and they want someone younger who they can sleep with until they find the person they want to spend forever with or more than a night with...Great post!

I have had great luck with match.com just had to weed out the crazies but in the end it was well worth it! : )

lisa said...

Nicely said. Men want eye-candy. It makes them feel better about their pathetic lives and does wonders for their egos.

Also, they know that their bank account impresses the young un's

Andrea said...

Touchdown!

Stepping Thru said...

Great Post! Stupid men! Most can't see what's right in front of them, they always want what is just out of reach.

Fragrant Liar said...

Jan: I actually have had lots of responses, but so far not from anyone I was attracted to -- so far! Well, except for one. But he didn't follow through.

Smiles4u: Thanks!

Beki: I'm waving back at you!!

MLS - Yes, it does go both ways, and I would be happy with an older guy, as long as he met my other criteria. Know anybody? :)

Nothingfancy1: Yes, they should at least consider an older woman.

Frankie: You wouldn't shit me, would you? :)
You are so right about where I'm looking. If I hadn't already paid ahead for the Match subscription, I'd have already cut loose of it and moved on. Patient? PATIENT? WTF is that?

Pearl: So true!

Amy: . . . and cellulite!!

Elaine at Lipstickdaily - Hey, whatever works!

domesticfringe: I do know my football, don't I? I don't know why I haven't been drafted yet.

Vic: Muchas gracias!

Sarah: Glad to know others have found success with Match. I still have hope.

Lisa: Thanks, and I'm sort of impressed by a bank account too, but not nearly as much as all the other qualities I need in a partner.

Andrea: Woo-hoo! Did we win?

Stepping Thru: Damn straight, girlfriend!

Frank said...

You always make me smile.

Debbie said...

Stupid men. (I think that is all that needs to be said.)

Midlife, menopause, mistakes and random stuff... said...

Hilarious post and oh, so true........
Got any of that anology juice left???

Steady On
REggie Girl

Jill said...

So, so true. I read the want adds all the time because they make me laugh. I see a 60 year old man looking for women in their 20's! What??? YUCK!!!!!!!! I guess older men just don't see the wrinkles when they look in the mirror.. the also can't see something else...

midlife slices said...

Frank is so damn insightful.

STILLMAGNOLIA said...

Amen sister....preach on. I found myself at 45 single again....and terrified. Everyone pulled out their single brother, etc...and tried to set me up....and then....when I was not looking I found Frank....and we have now been married for 6 years. God truly does work wonders.

Danica Lynn said...

Couldn't agree with Vegas Linda Lou more.

Good luck on your journey. There is a guy out there with brains!!!

Ginger said...

Sometimes it's easier to just stay single and not deal with those knotheads.

AirmanMom said...

Brilliant! I honestly believe when men look in the mirror, they see themselves from 30 years ago! I also feel society has done 'older' women a wrong turn, by not allowing us to age gracefully (and naturally), as men. Men are considered 'distinguished' looking when they turn gray, women who wear gray hair are hags. I could go on...but you said it best! They feel they are in the game, when it comes to women young enough to be their daughter!
~AM

janice_phil said...

great page...great post..amazing...

mo.stoneskin said...

You tell 'em.

All I can say is that I apologies on behalf of the male race for those losers.

phd in yogurtry said...

It really does piss me off to read men's personal ads .. the 40 yr old who wants to date someone 25-35. really? not your own age? what is that about, anyway? I really do wonder, is it just the young body they seek? or the young, malleable mind?