March 17, 2009

WTF Wednesday: Cougars Demystified

The "cougar," per the online Urban Dictionary (which the public writes) says:

A 35+ year old female who is on the "hunt" for a much younger, energetic, willing-to-do-anything male. The cougar can frequently be seen in a padded bra, cleavage exposed, propped up against a swanky bar in San Francisco (or other cities) waiting, watching, calculating; gearing up to sink her claws into an innocent young and strapping buck who happens to cross her path. "Man is cougar's number one prey."
Who writes this shit? That's the definition of a streetwalker. There were other definitions, but this one was voted to the top of the dung heap by the masses. Let me clarify that this definition of a "cougar" is akin to, "Oh yeah, they got nukyoular weapons in Iraq. Lots of 'em." People tend to believe the most generated propaganda without question. It's as unfair as it is insulting and wrong.

As a woman who fits solidly into "cougar" territory, having had boyfriends and a husband from 10-16 years my junior, I'm offended by the idea that “older” women who date younger men are calculating hunters in tasteless, revealing leopard prints, boobs overflowing en masse, and too-tiny skirts that give away all the mystery. Au contraire! My math skills are entirely unimpressive, my animalia is always tasteful, the boobage is generally contained (though cleavage is completely appropriate for evenings out), and my skirts aren’t giving away anything I don’t want you to see (Uh-uh, no behind until it's time).

Cougars, as some like to call them, are not skanks skulking in the shadows of your local bar, ready to pounce on eager but unsuspecting "tadpoles" and turning them into sex slaves. Anybody who thinks that is incredibly ignorant – not that I don’t want to put my fuzzy, fuchsia handcuffs to good use.

First, those younger men are anything but innocent -- or gullible or unintelligent. They know exactly what they want, and they're confident enough to pursue an older woman who attracts them. Second, cougars are quite particular in whom they choose to spend time with. They do not "prey" upon anything but a happy, fulfilling life. Third, contrary to popular culture's propensity for finding the worst faults in controversial phenomena, cougars do look for interesting men with whom they can engage in healthy relationships, usually long-term.

Sex? Oh yeah. Hell yeah! But most cougars want love and romance just like their traditional, dare I say "tame" counterparts. (I'll bet women like being labeled "tame" as much as single older women like to be called cougars.) Grrrr!

So where is the law that says you must date/mate/copulate with a person your own age? What is the rationale for this? And please make sure it IS rationale and not just some icky feeling in the pit of your stomach that you can't quite put your finger on. Men have been doing it forever. Do we call them cougars? Lions? Grizzlies? Pigs? Okay, pigs, but for different reasons, and then they deserve it.

AARP says 34 percent of women over 40 are dating younger men. Sounds to me like a revolution. But let's narrow things down, since this is my blog. What do I see in younger men? Vitality. Playfulness. Daring. Energizer Bunny erections. More importantly, they treat me as an equal and don't belittle or compete with me like older, less secure men sometimes do. They enjoy pleasing me on all life levels. They appreciate the things I do for them in return, rather than taking it for granted or positioning themselves as the Master of my universe. Please understand: I would be just as happy with an older guy who had these same qualities. Dude, you out there? Call me!

There are, of course, boundaries. Short of trolling the high schools and colleges, love and attraction are where you find them, and that's pretty much all there is to it. I think my work is done here.
.
Thanks to Julie at 47 and Starting Over for giving me my WTF rant, based on her Sunday Rewind.

31 comments:

Janie at Sounding Forth said...

I married a younger man.

Soooo....rrrrrroooooaaaaaaarrrr.

The Blue Ridge Gal said...

I used to date younger men... 10 years my junior when I was in my late 30's and early 40's...... but their brains bored me to death. I'll take a smart old man any day.

Di
The Blue Ridge Gal

http://dandybasket.blogspot.com/

Justine/Justiney/Tiney said...

Okay, no more urban dictionary for you. It puts you in an unhealthy rage! Of course, I found that rage vastly entertaining, so maybe you should keep up your urban dictionary reading. Hmmm.

As for younger men? I say go for it, as long as they're at least in their 20s. Younger than that and you're fodder for the tabloids.

Justine :o )

Vegas Linda Lou said...

Well put! And what exactly is the name for those old fucks who go after really young women, especially those who travel to Thailand to prey on some poor little thing who's never been out of her freakin' village except to try to score a "rich" white guy? Gross.

Smart Mouth Broad said...

My mother, Lucy, used to say, "If you get them young enough, you can raise 'em the way you want 'em." Daddy is 11 years younger.

daisyfae said...

nothing to do with "stalking". the 38 year old sort of found me... generally, older men are my demographic, but i don't stalk. either you wanna hang with me or you don't. age got nothing to do with it.

i'm with you. hate that particular stereotype...

Michelle Wells Grant said...

Cougar schmoogar! There's a label for everything and everybody now! We're over-labeled, doncha think?

SweetPeaSurry said...

Right ON sister!!! I always have and always will date younger men. I don't know why, it started when I was 12 and had a crush on a 10 year old.

I just can't help it!

Jan said...

I prefer older men, but that may just be my father fixation (like, I never had one).

That being said, both my ex and The Young One's father were younger than me, although not by much - the ex 1 year and TYO's father by 4. Even Beloved is only 11 months older than me. But I don't think I could date a man 10 or more years my junior - like Di, I wouldn't know what to talk to them about.

I think it's also safe to say that by that definition, you're NOT a cougar. Just a lovely middle-aged woman with a preference for younger men.

Shania said...

My husband is 6 years younger. Thankfully, he's an old soul.

smiles4u said...

I'm with you all the way on this! It has always irritated me to hear woman who date younger men called cougars. It irriates me even more when it is assumed that the woman is as you described. I have known quite a few older women dating and even marrying younger men and none of them dressed or acted in this obscene manner.

I really don't see what the problem is when men have been doing it for centurys. I think it's great that you don't narrow your expectations of a man down to an age acceptable category. I think any man of any age would be lucky to have you!

Debbie said...

If I could get Orlando Bloom alone in a room, I wouldn't care if you called me cougar or anything else!

Gaston Studio said...

I am cougar, hear me roar! Well, I used to be anyway, kinda hard being a cougar at 68, when a younger man is still too old to be entertaining.

Midlife Mama said...

This is great. I so agree with you. Why is it that men that date younger women are heroes, and women that date younger men are cougars or some other nasty name. Sheesh. That is so unfair. I dated a guy once who was 22 years older than me. Now, he would be 72 to my 50. That would make him a hero for dating a much younger woman. They might see me as a "gold digger"? Why? Who made up these things?

Oh. I know. The men did.

See? That's why. LOL

Frank said...

When you rant, I always picture your finger pointing for emphasis, and your nose with that cute little perturbed wrinkle. First, you are right. Second, you are right. Third, all women should demand romance; the love is built brick by brick over time.

Amy @ Milk Breath and Margaritas said...

Good post! (Energizer bunny erections made me LOL!)

I think the definition you rightly denounce came from Sex and the City's Samantha and her whole thing about acting like a man - just sex please, no romance or commitment. I think that character became part of the definition.

My husband is my age. I've always dated older than me (til him) so I don't know what dating a younger man would be like. I'm certainly not opposed to it, though I hope never to find out!

Comedy Goddess said...

I blame Dr Phil.

Belle said...

I'm so with you on this one. In fact, I feel as if I could have written it. Only you did.

Anna Russell said...

And yet if you're a man who dates younger women, you just get called "lucky". Such a double standard.
Great post, I'm going to be showing this to a lot of people.

midlifeslices said...

Label....PERIOD, just piss me off. No one person fits into "a category" but don't get me started. LOL

p.s. I've married younger and dated younger and realize it's just not for me for various reasons for which I won't bore you with.

Chuck Dilmore said...

Testify.
Excellent post!

Chuck

Jocelyn said...

Could you just start something like "Fragrant Wikipedia" and post your own definitions? I'd read it.

Hell yea, baby.

Amy said...

Preach it, Sister!! I am Cougar...hear me ROARRRR!

nothingfancy1 said...

Great post!

I've always preferred older men. When I was in my 20s, I was always attracted to men in their late 30s to 40s. At 25, I dated a 45-year old man. Now that I'm almost 44, I find that I'm attracted to men in their 40s-50s. I guess it's just that age range that appeals to me. Go figure?

Life on Bonnie Lane said...

Found my way here from Tiney's blog. Great post and I agree 100%. The last man I had a date with is now 29, and I just turned 50. It didn't feel weird when I was with him, it just felt natural.

I don't like the definition of cougar either. I am not some sexual predator waiting for my young prey...well not most of the time. I just happen to like younger men and they sure seem to like me, so it's a good fit. It's not so much about the sex...well not most of the time, but like you said, energizer bunny! I too would date a man my age or older if he was youthful. What is it about so many men in the 40s and 50s who already act like life is over and they have one foot in the grave already? Geesh!

Kady

Fragrant Liar said...

See there? I knew I wasn't alone in my offense at that categorically silly name. If it did a better job of defining the broad group of older women who enjoy younger men, I wouldn't be so inclined to rant about it. And there are a whole lot of "cougars" out there! And they're NOT skanks!

Frankie, how do you know I have a cute little perturbed wrinkle in my nose? I used to have a habit of pointing when I ranted, but my daughters have cured me of that. Or maybe they just haven't done anything I need to get on their butts about lately. (shrug) Day's not over yet...

Lisa said...

Oh my I sooooooo love this post. You've said beautifully what I've been thinking since the whole idea of cougars became so trendy.

steppinthru said...

Girl, that's an awesome post. I just had to laugh all the way through.

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

I think the whole "cougar" term has got to be on the wane, right? Hasn't it been long enough? Ugh.

Ridiculous definition, esp the "padded bra" part. It sounds like it was written by a 15 year old boy.

nikkicrumpet said...

I'm so glad I don't have to go through the dating thing at my age. I went from married...to single for 14 years...to accidentally running into my soul mate 2700 miles away from home and falling in love and getting married again. No dating in between whatsoever at all....and thank goodness because I couldn't take it! And more power to an "older" woman who finds a fascinating younger man! I'm sure you're right about them being more appreciative and not trying to take control of your life. It's ridiculous the double standard in our society!

Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

well, definitely written by a teenager!
But, have you seen the twenty-something guys out there nowadays... Stooooopid!!! I definitely need smart, mature men!